February 24, 2011
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Masturbation
If God kills a kitten every time you masturbate, how many kittens would He have to kill for you in a typical month?
If God kills a kitten every time you masturbate, how many kittens would He have to kill for you in a typical month?
Comments (91)
Maybe 1.
90. I watch Shakira videos and hate cats.
I can proudly say that I have killed no kittens.
Foodlust is a different story.
No libido ftw.
Didn’t you already do a post on this subject??
Depends on the month. It’s not like I schedule the event.
@ShimmerBodyCream - Dan should’ve chose a different animal… I like cats!!
@armnatmom - I’m just kidding, I love pussy too.
A lot! Lucky for kittens all over the world though, god doesn’t exist. ;-p
@ShimmerBodyCream - I love you forever, lol.
Wow, Dan. Really? LOL You come out with some crazy scenarios!
If only it was true…
Depends on whether it’s a month when I’m with the boyfriend or not. If it is, then not many. But if not, the number is definitely in the high double-digits.
Errr… ever seen the movie The Omega man? that sums it up.
Only my confessor knows for sure.
Probably one…maybe two
Not enough to keep the pet population down, though it would help. Get your pets from an animal shelter!
Sadly, a lot of kittens. Tons and tons and TONS of kittens. I’m like a freaking teenage male.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace - Now that’s an awesome answer xD
God doesn’t kill kittens. Your parents told you that so that they don’t walk in on you jacking off.
Am I on or off with Streva? On: maybe less than 20.
Off: Oh boy.
As an atheist I don’t believe in god and I find your question to be quite ridiculous. As an atheist I also have no morality so I freely fuck every woman, man, beast or child I see and therefore have no need to masturbate.
On a good day I can take out a litter of kittens, easy.
@SKANLYN - yeah, making pedo jokes is totally ok. *rolls eyes* disgusting.
Anywhere from 15-50 kittens, more or less.
@beebizzle - Blow me.
@SKANLYN - Don’t talk to my girl like that.
@AlluringAddiction - Too late. I already did.
It’s probably a good thing I don’t masturbate to the thought of kittens dying.
0 most months….for masturbating that is. However, he also kills kittens for writing parallel 5ths or parallel octaves while writing music. I probably take out a litter every couple of weeks for not catching those.
Less than 5 average.
wow…a new topic for Xanga
At least 3 a week.
@SKANLYN - Nasty human being you are.
Me ?
Like MAYYYYBE one…
OVER 9000.
@poosywhistle - ROFLMAO
I’m a master debater. Does that also kill kittens?
I don’t know. I don’t keep count.
Let’s put it this way — the Humane Society would have me on their Ten Most Wanted List.
Lets see, there’s 31 days in most months, so 78,000 kittens.
If god kills the guy who masterbates and that must be why I no longer see any fat bellied loggers walking to 7-11 to get thier quart can of cheap booze anymore.
Between 30 and 60. Poor kittens.
a litter a day keeps the doctor away.
@rafi09 - Oh my god, I love you. Damn voice leading…
Depends- sometimes 15, sometimes 0. I’ll keep track from now on for ya.
@nattata - agreed.
@shpadoinkle12 - @rafi09 - no, that would be Bach who is behind THOSE slayings…
If cat is the other white meat, enough to feed the world
Mary Jane takes care of that for me. So I guess technically, none.
die kittens, die!!!!
0
It be a kitten holocaust for me.
i never understood what killing kittens have to do with masturbating…i’m not sure if i want to know either. I don’t masturbate really. but i do think about sex a lot.
shouldn’t this entry be titled, “Masturbation Part 11″?
They better start mass producing cats
@rafi09 - Ha ha, good one, I actually know what you’re talking about!
Dan, Dan, Dan. You must be really bored today.
i must admit that i have killed no kittens then.
but i dont know whether thats a good or bad thing considering how its supposed be a natural thing and being my age
Three at most.
None.
I like that -a litter of kittens a day@chaospet - you are so funny
Depends on the month really. Some months somewhere around 30 – 40 kittens will be killed and others none.
depends… low end…. 5-10… high end….. 35-40….
Hmmm… like 10-20. Depends on how I feel.
zero most of the time.
Seeing as I’m single again and have been used to getting some like a nympho… I’ll say that March will be a bad month for the feline population. If you believe in this cockamamie, superstitious kitten smiting God. If not it’ll just be a bad month in the me getting laid department. As it stands now.
None!
The Birkin bag is named after Jane Birkin. On a flight from Paris to London in 1984, her favorite handbag, a Hermes spilled the content onto the floor. While complaining about the impracticality of the bag, the then CEO of Hermes, overheard her lamenting, as he was also a passenger on the plane.
69? Is this a trick question?
Future generations would ask their mothers, “Mommy, what’s a cat?”
on average once a day lol
…Many, many kittens.
I’d say 25ish.
@SerenaDante - Hear, hear
@LauraG_0929 - lolz. best…answer…ever.
xanga never ceases to amaze me with entertaining answers. but I’ll keep my “private” life private thank ya very much.
I think we have answer this question already.
You asked us for an answer, what about your answer
@SKANLYN - Lol’d hard
No one likes cats. Sorry kitties.
@my_final_username - I second Phil’s request for your answer.
Depends on my mood. I can kill around 5 to infinity.
@Babyboomerjill - Thanks, I try.
@chaospet - some people take stuff so seriously! it’s sad. I read several other funny ones
None. :] Why do that when I have the hubby for the real thing?!
@WhenHateIsTheOnlyOption - hahahah – you got that before me!! lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………………………
4.39 x 10^19
Just out of curiosity, do you believe there is a God?
Probably 20.
Since around January 2008, only one kitten would owe its death to me. Period.
depends on how many days are in the month.
for febuary .. 28 cats would die
that’s why he invented men, that way there are no animals harmed in the making..
love the comments on this one.
for me it’s about 1 – 2. But I am not single at this time.
when I was single it would average 12 – 14 or so.
sometimes you just gotta get the job done.