March 4, 2011

  • Dan on Marriage, Love and Romance

    I am no marriage expert.  In fact, I have only been married to one person so my viewpoint on marriage is fairly limited.  We have been married 18 and a half years.  There are sometimes in marriage where everything I previously knew about marriage became immediately obsolete.

    So I want to give a few thoughts on marriage yet throw out that I am humbled by how little I know about what it takes to make a marriage successful.

    1.  Nightly Walks – I believe that nightly walks have been one of the most important parts of our relationship.  We have been doing this for over 18 years.  We usually don’t walk in the Winter months (until we moved to Houston which has no real Winter).  We did not walk every night but usually we walk about 5 nights a week.  We just walk around the block for 30-40 minutes and share about our day.  We take turns and the person who starts is typically the person that has something more pressing to say.  I can’t remember very many nights when we walked in silence.  We talk the whole time.  We sometimes walked in malls during Winter months.  But for the most part we walked outside.

    2.  Romance -  I probably fail in so many ways in my attempts to be romantic.  I am sure there are men that find it natural but I must admit that I probably say the wrong things at times.  I have tried to mix in romantic actions and create romantic moments in our lives.  One example is one day I was going to meet my wife at the mall.  She was going to school so we would meet at the mall sometimes for lunch.  So I went a few hours earlier.  I bought 12 roses and I went to 12 stores spread out in the mall.  I gave them a rose.  I told them that when I walked in with my wife that they should ask her, “Is your name Jennifer?  When she said “yes,” they should give her a rose.  So we walked into the various stores and she received her 12 roses one by one.  I can give other examples but I think you get the idea.  I think women appreciate it when you do something special that takes time.

    3.  A Priority -  One of my earliest problems was giving my wife the impression she was not a priority in my life.  At one point, we actually came to the place where I was not sure we would make it.  I was taking my sons to chess club 3-4 nights a week.  They were competing at the state and national levels.  I coached their teams.  In my mind, I was doing a good thing by spending time with my boys.  But I went too far with it.  And it left my wife feeling like she was second to the time I spent with our sons.  Some our going to disagree with this but I think it is best to always make your spouse a priority over your kids.  Your kids will be there for 18 years but then they will be gone.  I am not saying that you love your kids less. I am simply saying you should always pick time with your spouse first and allow your children to take second place.  They will be ok at second place.  I take them for walks around the block too although that is only once or twice a week.

    Your spouse needs to be a financial priority too.  I know what it is like to be a college kid with a young family and to be broke.  But you still should make every effort to spend some money on each other.  It is easy when you have kids to put all your money into them.  You have to resist that temptation.

    In the early part of our marriage, I would just give money away to homeless people.  I thought it was an issue of doing what God wanted.  So I would give money away.  I never turned a poor person away even if I had nothing.  We were young and married and were only making $17,000 a year and I gave $800-1000 (I might be off here) to a poor family with a handicapped child.  It was everything we had.  Another time, we did not have any money and I gave my whole paycheck to a charity that was in need without asking my wife.  It was right before Valentine’s Day and so I kept nothing to buy for my wife.  Again, I didn’t realize the way I was making my wife feel.  I thought I was just serving God.  Now I realize I should have just given my wife a $1000 as a gift.  If you can afford to do it for a complete stranger, you can afford it for your spouse.

    You may be broke.  But if you are going to do something nice, do it for your spouse.

    4.  Arguing -  We have argued about some pretty stupid stuff in our lives.  This is especially the case earlier in our marriage.  We would let our arguments escalate. We would argue for hours.  We would let it carry into days.  If you are currently arguing for days and still talking about the same topic, maybe it is time to let it go.  Someone has to have the maturity to decide it is killing your happiness. Is the issue really that important?  Is it really that important to make that one last point?  Do you always have to have the last word?  That is a crappy way to live life.  You are just killing your happiness.

    Again, I am no expert.  I don’t claim to know more than anyone else.  I just wanted to throw out a few thoughts on marriage.  You go though so much together.  If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone, it is best to build that person up.  There is no reason to tear that person down.  If you only look at the negative in your spouse, maybe you are the problem.

    5.  Focus on what you can do -  Stop focusing on how your spouse can change.  You can’t change another person.  Don’t allow your spouse to fail to unrealistic expectations.  Just do your best to be a great husband/wife.  It really will cause you to be happier.  I am not talking about being a doormat.  But if you are always looking for your spouse to be something different, you will never be satisfied.  In fact, you are probably unpleasant to be around.

    6.  Deal with your spouse with grace – Your spouse will make mistakes.  In 18+ years of marriage, we have both made mistakes.  What is the worse thing your spouse has ever done?  Think of it right now.  You have it in your head?  Get over it.  If it happened 2-3 years ago, it is time to let it go.  Stop being so unpleasant.

    7.  Express your love -  You should hug your spouse every day and tell your spouse every day that you love them.  You should do the same for your children.  Don’t hold it in.  Let them know you care about them.

                                                                               

Comments (107)

  • First?

    Bet Jen will always remember the roses. Great move.

    AND … I can believe the walks were never silent.

  • *rubs eyes* You must be drunk. A personal post? Holy fuck.

  • I am even less of an expert than you, since my parents (though married) do not speak to each other, and I am not married. But this sounds like darn good advice. I hope people take it. 

  • might have to forward this on to the husband. XD but i know i did learn a lot from it as well. i think i’m bad at pointing out the negative and not appreciating the positive. something i need to work on. 

  • I’m surprised. You didn’t say anything about sex.

  • I dig the Dan wisdom.

  • Most men cannot argue with women properly or effectively. I found this a while ago and it changed every relationship I’ve had since, for the better.

  • I think you ARE something of an expert, after 18 plus years of marriage to the same person.  That’s an accomplishment, in this day and age!  Congrats on that.  And I think your suggestions are very, very good ones.

  • You may be broke.  But if you are going to do something nice, do it for your spouse.-that line right there  could save millions of marriages.

    Well (and surprisingly) done.

  • Pretty good advice. Rec’d! :)

  • Great advice and great post! 

  • Dan, this was the best post I have ever read from you.

  • 100% agreed with every word of this post. LOVED IT!!! Very good suggestions. Even about the kids, and I have four myself. 

  • @macphoto - What you said. I think you hit the nail on the head this time, Dan!

  • my idea of romance is putting down a blanket in the back of the pick-up

  • Great Post!  I learned these too late.  I’m in the middle of God’s will now; but after many, many failures.

  • wow….. didn’t see this coming.

  • Sometimes, I really like reading your blog.

  • @macphoto - I agree totally….

  • This was awesome :)

  • Great advice that I always keep in mind..no matter what. =D Thanks Dan.

  • WOW. Long time since I’ve seen a post on your site that makes me feel GOOD… I know you have it in you! Thank you for this, I appreciate it and needed to read it. 

  • I love this Dan. This is awesome. Its great advice, and, I needed it. Thank you

    @macphoto . I agree 100%.

  • I don’t know you… have never spoken to you… know your name is Dan… but think your advice is great on this subject. And agree, you are an expert after 18+ years of marriage. I would like to seek your advice on something… there’s a woman I’m after, and aside from the walking (which I’ll start trying, if she’ll accompany me when the Maine weather improves) I’ve done all these things. Still nothing. I’ve tried everything in my arsenal, romantically what have you, and she keeps saying she’s crazy about me, wants to be with me, etc., hell I paid for her to take a trip across country when she felt she really needed to, but, nothing… actual has come of it. Is she playing on my emotions and stringing me along, if you will, or do I just need to be patient? Sorry, it’s just preoccupying my mind and I can’t get useful help from my “friends.” They don’t want to hear it. Thank you for your time. 

  • The roses… Dan. Wow! 

    My whole attitude towards you has changed. Theres a real dude under all of the sarcasm…. Me likes!
    @AlluringAddiction - haha. 

  • good advice///  i need the romance part in my life…

    about the arguing bit what do you think of couples that never ever ever argue?  i have been with my bf for nearly 10 years and we never ever argue

  • I love your personal posts, Dan. This was great.

  • Dan got a a bit of a romantic side!  Nice, I might have to borrow that one day haha

  • My first that was, is Dan writing about something personal – is a joke about to come up at the end? ha ha ;.) My Second thought was: Wow, this was really good! 

  • Great advice.  =]

  • Great advice! More marriages need to last. If only people knew how to let go of issues or learn how to take on the problems. People always want to be so right. I really am glad you posted this. Thank you.

  • Well I am experienced at marriage, being on number 2 and have to agree with you pretty much completely on all of that….maybe had husband #1 believed any of those points, our marriage would have worked, but he was very much into himself only….and I am not a hard woman to please, because I am not a romantic(I am probably worse then most guys in that department! )lol…my idea of romance isn’t a guy who ive me roses, but a guy who does my dishes (and my second hubby does that!!)…i think that #4 is the one I agree the strongest with:)  We have had 2 daughters in therapy (my step daughters) because of their “mommy” issues…and they were causing fights between my husband and myself and one of the first thing their therapists taught him and I is that WE have to come before the children, because the children would be gone in a few years…once we realized it was okay to do that, it went much better for us…

  • Nicely done.  And thanks for the advice.    I’ve only been married for three years and I’m sure I could use all the help I can get.

  • you wrote this at a perfect time for me, thank you. ;)

  • Thank you for sharing your wisdom. You may not be an expert but you’re pretty darn close. 

  • This post made me smile. =]

  • Nice post….very well said and oh so true.  

  • does your wife know about your xanga? if i were your wife, i would want to know. :) this is very sweet.

  • This was brilliant, Dan. And all information duly noted. Because women aren’t the only ones who like romance. <3

  • Great post. One of your best. Thanks for sharing.

  • i think this hits close to home for a lot of us. but its always worth hearing again.

  • amazing Dan, thank you for sharing your words on this…

  • Wow, Dan, I really appreciated this post. Thanks for sharing it with us! I found some stuff I could definitely apply within my own marriage.

  • Marriage, Love, Romance after 29 years.

    Marriage….burn the boats.  There is an old story about a naval force meeting the enemy which outnumbered them 3/1.  The commadore told his men to burn the boats after everyone had gone ashore.  The commadore then said, we either win or die…there is no longer any escape.  They won.  Agree with one another from the very beginning to burn the boats and your mind and body will find the most comfortable way to settle any difficulties, arguments become discussions, you express hurt before it turns to anger, and you learn to say thank you for their support.

    Love….Remember that love is not something you feel, it is something you do.  You can say ”I love you” a thousand times a day or you can do something special like having coffee ready when your partner wakes, make sure that his favorite recliner is unloaded and waiting for them, Bobby likes it that when he is at work I make sure to record any NASCAR races that he might have missed.  It is the little things that say I love you.

    Romance….For Bobby and I can be getting up early and going to the lake and quietly watching the sunrise, for no special day I will try to “dress” for him as a date, I have called him during his work day and just say I love you.

    So many marriages end in divorce for lack of these three elements.  Like Dan, I killed my prior marriage because I always put my kids first. I thought I only have the kids a while and my husband will be with me for life so pay attention to the kids while you have them. But when you are lin love enough to marry someone, then 18-20 years is a long time to wait to get any attention. 

  • real good advice. This is my favorite post so far that you wrote!

  • The walks are a great idea. I love walking.
    I’m bad at romance and never expect anything romantic from my boyfriend.
    I agree that the spouse needs to be first priority, kids second. It’s important to keep the relationship on the best ground possible.
    We would never argue for days. He was a communications major in college and if anything even SEEMS to be wrong he’ll want to talk about it and fix it. When we disagree we’re really good at just letting it go.
    I’m bad at expressing my love, but that’s something I’m working on.

  • zomg an actual blog post that doesn’t end with a question doomsday is near.

  • I am no expert at all, having been married and divorced twice. I’ve given up on the institution of marriage, but will not give up on love.

  • I’m glad you’ve decided to leave Xanga.  This is the second post that was a real heartfealt weblog.  If you “leave” i’d hope to see more of this, lol!   There wasn’t a bad piece of advice about how to hold a marriage together, and you artfully wove in the difficulties of holding a marriage together, without glamorizing marriage at all.  Having been married as long as you (and it not working in the end)  ”they got married and lived happily ever after,” is a silly movie device.     I’m glad you made it through, over, and above the rough spots.   

  • Two comments.  

    1) Before you argue, ask yourself if it’s an argument worth having.   Life is too short to argue with your wife, particularly if you married an intelligent woman.    My wife is very intelligent and has common sense.   I even let her pick her own husband, so she’s capable of making a good decision.   We don’t argue at all.   We disagree, but never argue.

    2) A man should always put his wife before his children.  That being said, he should never expect his wife to put him before the children.   She bore them and she’ll give everything she can to them.   Your job is to make her life special because the kids sure won’t.

  • @nyfemme - Don’t give up hope.  Talk it out and find out what’s missing.

  • Nice post, Dan.  I’ve been married for thirty two years to the same man and I highly concur with your points on some things that make a marriage into a beautiful thing. 

    I must add something, however,..you could do all of the right things,..and if your mate does not love you and does not reciprocate your loving attitude and actions,..there is little that a person can do to have a good marriage or even relationship.

    Do you realize that some folks spend more time picking out their new cars and appliances than they do looking for a good mate?  Some folks are so worried about how a potential mate will perform in the bedroom that they forget that they must face that same person in the bathroom and kitchen day after day in the same house the next morning!!  I hope that more folks start to consider these life factors before they hook up, shack up, marry or whatever one does these days to get a mate!!

  • I hope Mrs. Theologian gets to read this

  • You have amazing values and seem to be the perfect husband (of course this took time and the need to learn from errors.) You need to take into consideration though that you are from a different generation so you still have morals and values and you have a better understanding. With this generation (my age) family values get thrown out a window replaced by all these hip hop artists that broadcast womanizing as a good quality and as the way it should be. It’s quite shameful honestly. 

  • spectacular post.  it’s been an interesting few weeks for me here, trying to figure out what i wanted from this blogging thing.  and i’ll have to admit on most instances i read your blog and thought – wtf?  but then i’d see the comments you left people and was impressed by the sincerity, honesty and compassion.  and that to me is the most interesting and rewarding aspect of this whole experience. nice job.  the walk thing – the most important aspect you didn’t mention, but certainly implied – the ability to listen.  the other thing that iv’e found helpful in marriage (almost 15 years + 3) – silly, sentimental, insightful, passionate,and most importantly personal poetry, letters, notes, emails…  letting your spouse know you are there. and you really care. 

    i’m impressed – and i’ll forward on to my wife.

  • This was great advice, the roses at the mall was a sweet idea and the walks sound really relaxing. great post

  • This is by far the best post I’ve read from you on this site in the almost-four years since I’ve been here. It’s also the first one that I’ll actually remember, for quite some time to come.

    All this advice is awesome, and what my newly-wed wife and I are already trying to put into practice. :)
    Good job, Dan – so impressed I’m giving you a mini!

  • nice – 6 & 7 so important

  • Thank you for sharing this. It was really encouraging. :) Us marriage noobs need to hear from people who have gone a little further down the path. It helps us with perspective and all that jazz.

    ~V

  • Well you know more than us unmarried folks who know absolutely nothing, right?

    Nice post. Congrats on your marriage.

  • Great advice, Dan  :)

  • 1. Nightly Walks (daily “us” time) That’s great, but when your spouse is not interested, or treats you like an annoyance, it is for naught. You can’t force someone to love you back.

    2. Romance. When your wife always has an excuse not to go out with you, when the kids are more important than spending any time with you, when there is always another committee, Bible study, birthday party, etc., you go to the bottom of the food chain. Not the way to “grow the flames of passion”… you can leave the little love notes, give the little gifts, do the laundry and the dishes, clean the cat box, and when you don’t get a “Thank You”, or you get a “well, you did the laundry, what do you want, an award? Why didn’t you fold them and put them away too? I asked you last week to clean out the garage and get rid of those old duck decoys and that other hunting crap, and it is still there…bee-atch, bee-atch, bee-atch..” After a decade of this your feelings for this person are going to be contempt, not love…

    3. Your spouse is your Priority. That may be, but if YOU are not THEIR priority, it becomes a one-way street, and you become a doormat. When your spouse criticises you for not earning enough, and suggests you get a part time job, because “you never help out around the house or with the kids anyway, might as well be doing something useful…” When they forget your birthday, or get you a cheap shirt from the sale rack at Walmart, that tells you where you stand. When you come home from work, the lights are off and the doors are locked, then you find a fix-it list on the counter, including “make your own lunch for tomorrow, you are the one that eats it!”… you realize you are not a priority. You are not a husband, you are an adult babysitter living in the same house. You are an annoyance to put up with, not a partner.

    4. Arguing. When you have a disagreement, and all your old faults are trotted out and thrown in your face, when, after doing something 100 times and getting it right 99, you get blasted for the one time you screwed up, and told repeatedly what a miserable failure you are, you sort of give up trying. Better to tell them they are right, you are wrong, it’s all my fault. At least that ends the arguing for the time being. Better to be a doormat than a punching bag.

    5. Focus on what you can do. This is correct. If you are in a loveless marriage, be the best parent to your child you can be. Show love and compassion to your spouse, but at arm’s length, to protect yourself. You cannot give if your cup is empty, if your spouse is constantly sucking the life out of you. Find people at church, elderly, volunteer, do something where you get positive feedback and support, otherwise the depression will get you. When all you hear is the constant drip, drip, drip of negativism from your spouse, it wears on you. Even the strongest optimist cannot overcome the pessimist when you are constantly bombarded day after day after day.

    6. Forgive. You can and should forgive. We are admonished to do that Biblically. But you will not forget. Not the repeated hurts, the put downs, the lack of compassion, romance, interest.  You will not forget being taken advantage of, used, belittled. It kills a marriage. The hardest person to forgive is yourself. When you finally get a belly full of being abused, and make the decision to leave that cancerous person, cut them out of your life so you can heal, can focus on being the best, most positive parent to your child, when you realize that you were created in God’s image, and He loves you, and wants you to be happy and whole, the hardest person to forgive for breaking that marriage covenant is yourself. But God is merciful. He forgives us when we screw up, He forgives us when we don’t deserve it, He forgives us when we break our promises and vows. And when you finally give up on a marriage, He will forgive you too.

    7. Express your love. Absolutely. Verbally. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. In all ways express your love. When we worship God and put Him first in our lives, when we love others as we love ourselves, this is the perfect expression of love. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. When we imitate Christ’s life, His love and compassion for even the unlovable, when we are faced with laying down our lives for our friends, this is the ultimate love. When we love someone and are constantly and repeatedly rejected, humiliated, made to feel small, insignificant, useless, worthless, eventually that love will die. No matter how hard you try to love that person, eventually their behaviors will kill the love you feel for them. It is far more painful when it is a rebellious child, as they are always your child, you cannot “divorce” them.

    There are no guarantees. Many of us struggle with the concept of divorce, and try as hard as possible to stay in a marriage and “make it work”. Well, it takes two. No matter how hard you try, if the other person is unwilling, you cannot “make it work”. And as painful as it is, you have to move on, especially if there are small children. You have to be a positive role model for them, showing them how to overcome adversity, how to deal with unreasonable people, sometimes including removing yourself from their presence and influence. You have to be the best parent you can be, and you have to be mentally healthy, and have a positive support group of family, friends, and clergy around you to do it.

    If you are lucky enough to be married to someone who loves you back, you are richer than you can possibly realize. After 17 years of marriage, 10 of those spent trying to “make it work”, I can speak to that. And after being divorced for over 10 years, those scars run deep, and may never fully heal. I can also speak to that. And having successfully raised three wonderful young adults as a single parent, I can speak for the virtues of a positive attitude and a positive support group, the value of being an optimist and being a positive role model for your kids, despite the anger and negativism of a bitter pessimistic ex. You can overcome it. It is very hard, and sometimes you have to do it alone, but you can overcome it.
    And when you see your kids grow up to be positive, well adjusted, optimistic people with a good work ethic, that love to help others, are kind and compassionate, you know you have done a good job. You know you will hear those cherished words, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant”.. and tho you may walk the rest of your earthly life alone, you need not be. For God is there to walk beside you, and He treasures the time with you, sharing your thoughts and deeds, your daily walks, the compassion you demonstrate to others, the kindness you show to the weak. He loves to hear your prayers, to hear you express your love for Him, to hear the “Thanks” for the beautiful sunset He created for you, the kittens He created for you to enjoy, the warm still summer evenings at sunset, when you feel so close to Him.

    When you are in love with God, you are never forgotten, never forsaken. He will not reject you, hurt you, berate you, mistreat you. He will always be there beside you when the going gets tough, and He has your back when you are up against it. People will fail you, but God never does.

  • So heartfelt. After 18+ years of marriage, I definitely can say you know a lot about being married and what it takes to make a marriage work. I mean, you made it last for this long and still going strong!

  • I like when you write real posts. This was good. 

  • @BB61 - Thanks for the thought, but there’s nothing left of the marriage or the person I fell in love with so many years ago. After a very lengthy expensive and highly unecessary custody battle my divorce was  finalized  in May of 2010.   We are still in court over a number of post-divorce issues.  

  • I’ve read your blog for years but (I don’t think) ever commented (sorry bout that…I tend to read on the run lol). But this post was just too good to keep quiet. We’ll hit 11 years in June, and this is some of the most simple yet sound advice I’ve ever read. Thanks!

  • @cmdr_keen - congrats.  I wish you and your newly wedded wife all the best.    

  • Wow Dan, I am impressed!  Personally, I would say you know more about marriage than those who have been through divorces and married multiple times.  You know what it takes to make a lasting, loving, and committed relationship work!  You have great messages in this!  

  • good blog Dan. Now the important question -what did she think about your blog?

    would she like to list her key points for a successful marriage?

    I might just do this on my site and I’ll let you know when I do and give me a little time to think about it

  •  This is amazing! :)
     I’m old-fashioned, even though I’m not yet 30, and a huge fan of marriage. In my opinion, it takes a lot more commitment to be married to the same person for 18 years than to be married to three people in that amount of time, or not married at all and have a “hatful of feathers” by way of relationships…. thus I’d consider you a better authority on marriage than most people.
     I really needed this. My husband and I will be married 5 years next month. Although it’s been great, the last year has been our hardest, and we’ve struggled a lot with the points you just mentioned. We’ve never let divorce be an option, but there are times when we’ve been tempted to just settle for mediocrity and have a masquerade marriage. We don’t want to, though.
     What are the haters going to do now? TheoDan is a regular guy, and a really nice one; how can we say anything bad about him now? I sense the collective consternation as we speak.

  • I absolutely agree with this. I’m not married yet, but it’s good to have suggestions and ideas of the subject, for when the time comes!

  • Wow thanks!!!  Great post.

  • you’re awesome, dan.

  • I really love your post this time =]

  • Beautiful! 

    great advice to a newlywedi’ll definitely keep these tips in mind

  • those are good life’s lessons shared.  thanks for sharing them.

  • these are very realistic and great tips! :)

    “Get over it.  If it happened 2-3 years ago, it is time to let it go.  Stop being so unpleasant.” good point!! this is one I really gotta follow!

  • I love your thoughts on marriage Dan. I thought it was really cool when you were talking about the nightly walks – my husband asks me to do that with him! I first thought it was odd. A walk around the block… in the dark? I guess…. But I absolutely love them now! I look forward to them.
    My husband has got the romance department pretty down pat, and he reminds me daily that I am his number one priority, including finances. He believe in exactly that, if you can afford something really nice, do it for your spouse. (I also just recently wrecked his BMW in an accident. And I was SHOCKED, he wasn’t mad AT ALL. Frustrated, but not upset at me at all. I was crying, and he was comforting me, and told me I was worth 6 car wrecks to him. I’m okay and that’s what’s important.) I’m so thankful to have someone like him in my life.
    When we argue, BOY have we gotten into it. But we always come out stronger. And I’m learning that arguing isn’t worth it. And sometimes (if not MOST times) I need to just stay quiet, and let it go. It’s not worth it. I’ve been a good example, and my husband is learning to do the same thing. I’m proud of him. If he changes, I’m okay with that. And if he never changes, I’m still going to love him just as much, if not more as the years go on. If it means I have to pick up his clothes for the rest of his life. I’ll do so. And if it means I have to clean up the spills in the kitchen he never bothers to clean up, I’ll do so. I’d rather have him with the messes than not have him at all.
    I’m working on not nagging him constantly.

    I love this! Thanks Dan.

  • Love it :) I’ve been married a little over a year now. We were doing this sort of stuff together. We are broke and he went out and bought me a beautiful $50 cotour dress. I felt horrible because we didn’t have that kind of money, but he said it was something he NEEDED to do to show his love. It was very meaningful to me. Apparently my face was glowing xD We have actually just finished reading “Boundaries in Marriage” together. I don’t know if you have read it yet or not, but it’s an extremely good book that talks about exactly this stuff. Especially the part about wherever you spend your time and money, your heart will be also. 

  • This old lady was giving me a problem and now I’m in a pissed off mood.  She wouldn’t let me use the computer assigned to me (thought her friend was assigned to it)  Go figure, what a day to start my day here at the library.  I’m not good at dealing with people, I don’t have the patience, marriage I cannot handle, good for you that you could succeed where many will fail.  I don’t even want to attempt marriage.  Somtimes you just gotta wonder why God is so unfair he only allows some people to experience happiness.  Now I doubt you got it that good, but I’m pretty sure most persons in here (especially the fine ladies) got it better than me.  I’m a punk angry grinche type who digs his own grave and slaps away any chance of happiness.  Keep posting :)   I wish more bloggers were like you.

  • Thanks for the advices.  I am not married yet, but I will sure keep those in mind.  

  • I don’t know about the giving away thing. I think I would consider it a real valentine’s gift if my spouse decided to give money away to people who needed it more than me. Otherwise, I would agree mostly.

  • Excellent post and great advice.

  • During the one great period in my marriage, we walked and talked most nights. I strongly recommend it to anyone who will listen, and when I marry again I will definitely incorporate that practice.

  • Good stuff, Dan.

  • I think you gave some really good advice.  I’ve never been married and probably won’t but I can tell these are good ideas to use when in a relationship.

  • I’m more about the Bromance

  • I’m back with a question…how did you do the nightly walks when you had the boys? did you have a sitter?   I definitely think parenthood got in the way of couplehood.  We’d do dinners, and have nothing to talk about but the kid, and the thought that the sitter was costing $150.00. We stopped even going out to eat, nevermind taking walks without baby.  Every outing was a threesome. Definitely a contributing factor to the failing of a marriage. 

  • Now, gently scrub the Replica Bell Ross Watches to clean it of all dirt particles. Your old toothbrush can be used as an ideal scrub for this purpose. During scrubbing, submerge the watch and the toothbrush into the soapy water at short intervals. Eventually, this friction may damage the functioning of the movement.

  • Very nice, Dan.  Great advice.

  • This name is considered to produce such Tag Heuer Monaco Watches that have great and sophisticated kind of functionalities. Besides, asking for the guarantee and certification that enable you to determine the value of the used timepieces is strongly recommended.

  • Aww, you should write more posts like this! And the rose idea was freaking adorable! I don’t think I’d ever be able to resist a guy who did something like that for me… :)

  • so there is a softer to side to you =)

    I love it!

  • Thank you double from me

  • Only 100 comments? Seriously, that sucks. I loved this. I learnt a lot. Thank you!

  • A great post, makes me want to marry someone. lol

  • Some really good advice here.  Thank you.  Really.

    M

  • Dan, I am married about half a year.  My wife and I are reading this and our hearts are melting for each other (she made me write this sentence, promise).  Now, I am writing the rest.  We both enjoy walking with each other, talking to each other, and spending time with each other.  Glad to see that you do too!  I am not the romantic either and she has to drop hints on the things that she believes are thoughtful for me to do to express my love for her.  So, the way I frame the “romance” question now is “how do I express my love in a unique way.”  We also argue for hours on end and sometimes, it is not pretty, but we learn to deal with each with grace because we have to answer to our Savior, Christ Jesus.  Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom here.  We both find it encouraging.  

  • This is an exceptional and very valuable and important post.

  • This actually was beautiful, and your points worked for me.  Penny was my  priority and my best friend for 29 years.  I will love her for eternity.

    All the things that made our marriage work will continue in any other similar relationship I may have.

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