December 24, 2011
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I Also Want to Kill Myself in 2012
As I am sitting here in Starbucks typing on my iPad, I realized the lady fixing my hot chocolate did not add enough whip cream to my drink.
It ruined my day.
It makes me want to kill myself.
I need someone to provide for me reason not to kill myself.
Give me one good reason not to kill myself?
Comments (156)
u should kill urself. feel better?
I don’t know what’s going on.
LOL this is terrible.
::trying to jump on the bandwagon that she knows she’s missing:: What’s the joke?
you can’t die until you see your grandchildren!!
Stirring things up again, I see?
First world problems, bro! =D
You sound like half of Xanga who just can’t cope with life.
Nope. Sorry. It’s been nice knowing you.
Rocko’s Modern Life is now on DVD. That’s reason enough not to kill yourself.
Because you want another 3.3 minute threesome with me and nikbv. And I have pills. Pills.
My love for you!
Before you kill yourself, you’d have to email someone your account password. You know, to keep TheTheologiansCafe going.
i think it’s pretty fucked up of you to write this when you’re obviously making fun of another blogger on here.
Porn does not exist in the afterlife.
Make 2012 the year you learn to drink hot chocolate without the whipped cream. It just takes practice.
You’re going to die anyway, without killing yourself. Life can be great, but it can’t be great when you aren’t here for it, and things change. I think people who are serious about suicide and do it may have issues about being unable to control the inevitability of death.
Rob_of_the_Sky
#firstworldproblems
ohno.
We won’t be able to have our Xanga World Tour, and who else can successfully spearhead the Save The Boobs Campaign?
There’s always plenty of reasons not to kill yourself. Think about the people that love you. Think about the people that would be so sad if you went away.
This is cruel.
Because new girls are turning 18 and joining xanga. Who will acquire their boob pix? Who will SAVE the boobs?
i’m fine with being provocative and finding
the humor in things, but i don’t think suicide is something to joke
about, especially at this time of year when even more people are
struggling with depression and loneliness than normal.
lol oh dan… this is horrible but i laughed, i’m sorry. you’re a funny guy. maybe you take it too far sometimes, but you’ve got balls.
It was obvious that guy wasn’t serious. I wish I was dead, but hell no will I commit suicide. What is funny is the comment you left him, I will make eye contact with women from now on. I made eye contact with a beautiful woman who was clearly looking at me, she left disgusted. I didn’t get offended. I get that kind of reaction all the time. Sometimes a woman will act like she is disgusted to play mind games.
Merry Christmas Everyone! I used to watch Frosty the snowman with my little brother.
Lmfao!
@Passionflwr86 - He’s making fun of a guy who says he’s going to kill himself in 2012.
http://illegally-invited.xanga.com/757815970/i-want-to-kill-myself-in-2012/
@FuhkAwf - all very real people, with very real problems, looking for peace and solutions.
thank you! Holy shit, what a pansy-ass, emo mother fucker. Dude should grow a pair before he acts like he’s been castrated by life and has a reason to bitch. # waaaa,waaaaawhatasuckasslifeIhave.
@ccrider17 - The problems I saw on that post was the fact he was lonely, wanted to be better looking and smarter. Everyone feels that way but few are willing to kill themselves for such trivial things. Someone needs to tell the kid to buck up.
@FuhkAwf - sorry, didn’t read Dan’s post through. Just your comment. Hope you have a merry xmas.
@ccrider17 - you too =D
Whoa, you’re in charge of saving boobs?
yeah that entry kind of pissed me off. “I slept with ugly women waahhh” fuck that. I’m not going to beg someone to grace me with their whining when there’s a clear reason people don’t want to be around them.
I don’t know why you’re being such a dick, Dan. The guy has real issues and you’re ridiculing him. Suicide is a sensitive topic and it doesn’t need to be taken with a poor, careless attitude.
Your life is pointless. Do it.
Because your life is bearable to yourself.
@tsukikko - He’s making fun of him because he sees through the bullshit the guy is presenting. Worse than Dan teasing is the fact that ppl like this get away with their horseshit because ppl like you can’t call a spade a spade.
Dan, I hope you never lose one of your children, or someone you love, to suicide. If you do, this post will come back to haunt you. To lose someone you love to suicide is unbearable and the pain never ends.
Even if this kid was faking or wanting attention…it is wrong to make fun of him or his post.
I will always reach out and try to help even if someone is fooling me. I will always take a suicide threat seriously and try to help.
Ummmm I got nothing…do it
I’m going to burn. I think it’s messed up, but I laughed too. Ahhhh. Then I read Sonychak’s comment and I laughed some more. Tough love work’s sometimes I guess.
You wouldn’t want them to win.
lol, obvz order hot chocolate again, at a different time, and maybe that worker will give you enough.
or make some at home and add a SHIT TON… it’s cheaper to make it yourself anyway of course.
if you kill yourself mr Dan, i want you to read very carefully…that yourafterlife will be an infinite loop of shatner’s greatest hits. please therefore stick around, swipe the bottle of aerosol cream if necessary, dammand a free drink at appropriate one eighthundred I’m whining
1 and take this moment to place the proper fiddler on the roof blessing upon shatner stylings… may god bless the shatner and keep him far away from my radio.
Obama’s reign is almost over.
You have not ask that lady to add more whip cream yet. Do so after she have added enough and you finished that hot chocolate.
You should never want to take your own life. If you are imitating someone else on xanga I hope not. I would pull you from my subscription list. Joking about suicide is terrible!
Dan, since I know you say this in jest at the other top post today, I will say to you what I want to say to him but I’d bounce my own check at the wrath I’d get if I did. JUST DO IT.
you’re an asshole, and i’m sure you enjoy being one. so that seems like a reason for you to want to live!
LOL
talk is cheap~
the world is gonna end in 2012 anyway…
JK
What a disgusting post. A real person reaches out in distress and someone else uses that distress to gain attention on their own blog by MOCKING it?
If you are the one buying instead of serving at any place, you have something to live for
unless you are just a rich prick, then I wish something like the movie Trading Places happens to you, lol
If You want to Kill yourself, Remember that I love you.
And If you Want to burn yourself, remember that I love youCall me up before you’re dead. We can make some plans Instead. Send me an IM I’ll be your friend.
I really wish you wouldn’t mock people who are having a hard time dealing with depression…
you are a jerk.
you’re a pretty awful person.
there’s a difference between trolling stupid/irrelevant topics. but you’re fucking around with someone’s life.
@grizzlybearr - newb
if i kill myself, i wont be able to eat a grapefruit tomorrow
sounds
stupid, but thats how i did it for a while. one really small, stupid
thing to keep breathing for smelly and lifeless in bed each day
and
when that didnt work and i was rushed to the psych hospital i was too
surprised and upset by my parents’ concern that i couldnt consider it
for a while. and when my uncle did it and i witnessed the aftermath, i
couldnt consider it much at all
i cant say every day i want to
live, but maybe every month ill smile and think, ‘glad i didnt miss
this.’ i guess those few moments are worth more than an eternity as
molecules of ash floating around this world
and this isnt just for
the blog owner, but for anyone in passing reading this who has dealt
with these things. i will never tell a victim he was selfish because if
he is dead, he was SO sick. its one thing to consider and another thing
to plan so well you know you will succeed. if an attempt is a “cry for
help,” that is really the best possible thing that can ever happen to
you bc
ROCK BOTTOM is not that bad a place. THE DESCENT and the
crash landing are what’s so painful and agonizing. anywhere from rock
bottom is UP
That is my legit response. Not necessarily to that guy, though I left it on his site, but I know the holidays are a really rough time for a lot of people, and they bring up a lot of stuff people have a hard time dealing with, especially in the East where everyone’s so cold and it’s always dark out. Obviously you were kidding and parodying suicide, but maybe someone might want to see something like this. I know two years ago if I was perusing the comments, I probably would’ve rolled my eyes at a response like this, but maybe I would find comfort that somebody took it seriously somewhere in the back of my suicidal mind. I know it’s easy to make fun of people when they seem whiny on the internet, and I know people could just be looking for attention, but just in the off chance that some weird teenage kid is reading Xanga and really is suffering silently, maybe reading all the genuine advice might help. So I try to look at it as more than an isolated incident. You never know how serious people are or what their intentions are on the internet, but I’d rather err on the side of caution to hopefully not make a jackass out of myself.
Of course I talk too much about stuff like this and am overly-sensitive about it. I saw a “bunny suicide calender” tonight shopping and I covered it up with a flower calender because I thought it was so awful. And it was just cartoon bunnies hanging and shooting themselves! I should move on.
@LadyMira - haha kimya dawnson, juno throwback!
This is nowhere near to being funny.
Starbucks sucks. Seriously, Dan. There’s MUCH better hot chocolate out there.
Snarky-boy! LOL
@Jade_Orchid - He is.
OP:
As someone that struggled this year alone and who is bipolar, I do find it offensive, you would mock someone that calls out to help (if they are faking it, then it come back to them and that’s another issue entirely) on their own xanga. I can understand why you would have the mentality because people have faked in the past but I learn to take these things seriously (even if not) just in case it is true. You should too.
lmfao, Dan – this is wrong but funny at the same time *prepares to burn in hell*
You can’t kill yourself now, if that lady doesn’t learn her lesson she’ll forever be cheap with the cream! Tell her first.
Wow, I didn’t think someone could really get this low off of someone elses depression but you have amazed me.You are the reason why i look at humans and prefer animals to be my friends instead.
I hope one day you realize how pathetic you just sounded. But then again, my gut tells me you are much older than me and if that is the case, then there is no hope for you.
@grizzlybearr - Sure he’s making fun of the other blogger. His blog points out the silly things we let get us down. Nothing is worth not hanging on for another year. It does get better, usually. I’m glad I did not do it when I wanted to die in my teens.
@corporatecrow - you are right (and Dan make a note of it). There are a lot of people who lose hope in the future of their life at this time of year. Please people, life IS worth living.
Trolling Dan is trolling. Heheh!
If you kill yourself Starbucks will lose a customer. Way to be selfiiisssh.
If you kill yourself you will no longer be a top blog on Xanga and we will miss you….good enough reason?
The answer is easy. Your master plan of creating a super race is not yet finished. Just imagine the thrill of it all. Perfection will reign upon the face of the earth. And stupid women like the one who made your shitty coffee will not exist.
This post just made my day.
I think I missed it.
want a reborn? :p
if you’re gonna talk the talk, you should walk the walk too…
Not funny Dan… Shame on you!
@RulerofMasons - I totally expected your answer to be, “Nope. Can’t think of one.”
Oh my the ironally… Lol awful mon ami!
f89jhfgdxcgvhblkjhfgsjdukyl.li/
maybe they’ll put more in tomorrow and things will brighten up! if you need any help let me know! I can help for sure!! how do wanna die? I recommend lots of blood, ’cause it looks cool! squirty squirt squirt!! fsssssssssssh!!
you wouldn’t be able to enjoy the beer when you got buried :p
We should be so lucky… (JK). When you do, you should blog it. It’d be your greatest post ever!
a reason to not kill yourself? my husband and father of my three children killed himself exactly seven months ago today. happy holidays to us. my five year old son said he didn’t want presents for xmas. he just wants his daddy back.
You will never be able to have a good hot chocolate drink again.
Ho, ho, ho. Joke’s on you.
because there’s no whipped cream in hell.
Time to change your meds, There’s always a reason NOT to commit suicide. Life is a gift. Appreciate it.
Dude, after your laudable comments at another Xangan’s site, this shocked the heck out of me. Oh well, hopefuilly it won’t undo any good your comments there might have done. Peace.
I think you should kill yourself. But first, I think you give yourself a boiling water enema and castrate yourself. And then you just shouldn’t kill yourself.
damn, reverse psychology doesnt work on u
I just love how you stir crap up
The evil woman at Starbucks may die in agony; surely you want to be here so as not to miss it?
Going for new lows i see. Tritely dull. You should read about Jesus and try to emulate him, I hear he was a nice guy.
Just let mother nature take care of that for ya.
Dan, you need to stop! Go get the barrista to put some white stuff on your drink!
Whose site will I got to and procrastinate my time away?
Selfish -.-
whitewhine.com
Because you’d be doing the world a favor. Fuck the world, let it suffer!
@grizzlybearr - on one level i think its fucked up… on the other level i hope he gets his point across to that blogger… b/c when i read that blog.. it sounded ridiculous. he had the stupidest reasons to kill himself i’ve ever heard.
Quit trusting other people to make your beverages for you.
I figured your best reason would be Save the Boobs 2012 (Except I think you should spell it “Bewbz” in order to connect with the younger generation).
I honestly do not think anyone’s life is so bad that they should commit suicide.
It’s the cowards way out. You never really, truly have “no one”.
(yes, I know this is a sarcastic post. That’s MY opinion on suicide.)
Xanga mass suicide in 2012? You pick the day and we’ll all save it.
Sorry still trying to figure a reason for myself. I’ll get back to you once I find one myself.
@SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL - It was so hard for me to stop my fingers from telling that guy how ridiculous his reasons were.
It took me a couple years to realize your posts are very sarcastic and rarely serious. I appreciate the humor in them, now. Thanks for this.
@saintvi - Yes, it’s “whippED cream. I was going to point that out. Along with not finding any particular reason for him to delay the jump. This is just plain tasteless. To my taste. But then I don’t have much in common with his world, thank god.
The post did help me immensely to separate xangans into “whole wheat with an intact conscience versus chaff. One or two or the commenters who found it appropriate did attempt to explain reasonably why. But the LOLs, heaven help them of they ever ask for sympathy or understanding.
Why dont you ask for more whipped cream Dan?
you just want fucking attention you fucking ugly ass saggy ass bitch.
We’re all dying in December 2012 anyway.
You can buy whipped cream, or complain and get a refund.
I hope you still find this funny when some poor kid out there calls out for help before offing himself. Of COURSE it’s a cry for attention. What seems pathetic to us might sound perfectly reasonable to somebody else. Not something you should joke about.
i’d be embarrassed about killing myself over not enough cream. though maybe if you told the people at starbuck’s their mistake was suicide-worthy, they’d give you a free scone.
I wonder how that guy feels when he read this post.
Everyone has a purpose to life you just have to find yours. Crying and whining isn’t going to make your purpose come so get out of that door and find something to live for.
D
Wow you’re a jerk. Do you feel better now that you’ve trolled? If that man does kill himself, you will feel like shit.
I think your idea of this blog was to make people realize that everyone is suicidal this time of the year. I think you had good intentions, but I’ve been trying to understand your motive behind it. You don’t care about views, your not just an asshole/troll and your not really suicidal. So I assume your motive was to make people who are suicidal understand that everyone is depressed this time of the year. Or to make those trying to attention seek with suicidal ideations stop attention seeking, because well, everybody is suicidal.
And to that I say, it’s not funny Dan. I was appalled at this, not offended. Appalled. Perhaps you and I don’t see eye to eye on this subject, but it’s not okay to mock anyone. Your views on mental illness alarm me. You think that challenging people includes things like this. I know your views on how depression shouldn’t be treated with “kid gloves”. I understand that. Don’t treat them with kid gloves, whatever. But mocking them is just cruel? Your cutters porn post and the things you’ve said about eating disorders just appall me. I am shocked that you use your power to spread such disgusting remarks. You know people read you, you know that a lot of people read you, you know you have the power of persuasion and yet you choose to make disgusting posts like this. You tend to mock people a lot. Dead, depressed, poor.
Making people hear that EVERYONE is suicidal this time of year doesn’t help those that are suicidal. It’s manipulating their feelings and that’s not fair. Because in the end, they are still suicidal and there is nothing you can say or do to talk them out of it, but now next to everyone else, their feelings don’t matter.
There is one word for this post- vile.
@fancystrikes - @corporatecrow - @grizzlybearr - Dan doesn’t give a shit. ANYTHING goes as long as it gets him views and comments. Joking about suicide is small potatoes for a guy that once joked about someone that actually died. Dan’s such a good Christian. He’s an example for us all.
Let’s not forget his entirely innocent campaign in which he gets boob pics from lots of bloggers, many of them barely legal. CLICK.
Boobies.
Suicide jokes = not so funny when you broadcast them through a media that will reach somebody affected by suicide/depression.
write to us from the Great Beyond. Please tell me if Little Foot’s mother finally made it there.
@brrraaaiiins - Yush.
It’s so redundant!
ask for more whip creme
I enjoy reading your humorous thoughtful articles and sometimes your surveys.
Because there will be an iPad 3 in 2012, you won’t want to miss that!
@Unstoppable_Inner_Strength - If you dislike him so much why are you reading his posts? I can disagree with people and not have to personally attack them. I’m not joining any personal attacks.
try to find a can of whipped cream at the grocery store. if they’re sold out, THEN do it.
@fancystrikes - His “posts” are always on the front page, usually at the top. Kinda hard to miss.
Dan’s a pervert, and a bonafide asshole. I don’t shy away from calling things as I see them.
Bye!
..because your not alone, I feel the same everyday. I am not one of those emo depressed people that I go around saying how upset and depressed I am. I am popular, funny and intelligent. I am ‘normal’ but ‘normal’ people feel like this too.
Dan, u ass. You have an I pad and I don’t at least give it to me. You have something to live for.You are so spoiled that you don’t even know what you’re crying about cause other people don’t even have enough to eat or a roof over their head or can’t even take 2 steps and a breath without oxygen. You are an ass. I love you Dan
@psycocrazypony - you are right-he should go to a 3rd world country. so true
so you can be on top blog?
@TheFashionableEconomist - LOL hahaha
You must live. Too many of your enemies would rejoice in your death.
THis TheO Bot is Epicly Displeasing
Try to sound Like a Real Human Being Replicant
@The_Eyes_Of_A_Painter - I am curious why you call this woman stupid. Iv’e seen this happen before on your posts and i always wonder why. PLease tell…..
@Unstoppable_Inner_Strength - And you have no self control and can’t stop yourself from clicking in to read? Or you just have to stop by so you can show everybody how nasty you are? Merry Christmas to you Ebenezer.
If you were seriously thinking about killing yourself you wouldn’t have to consult your blog first. It’s really not something to make light of.
everydayy somethings bad but you always have to look to the other side…. theres always something good out there. just keep you head up and you will find where to go from there. happy holidays
whether you were looking for humor reactions or if you really are serious, this is never a joking matter. my 11 year old brothers best friend committed suicide this summer. i have not seen my brother have a smile on his face since right before he found out he was no longer going to see his best friend ever again. so reconsider what you may find funny, because theres some people out there who wont even laugh or smile anymore because of a lost of their loved one due to suicide. May God bless you,and happy holidays.
@locomotiv - Not calling anyone stupid merely pointing out that Dan spends alot of time asking questions and never really takes the time to answer anyone. So, the question is, is Dan for real or simply a computer placed here by the Xanga directive to control our minds and see how we think ? By gathering information Dan or the computer is basically creating a philosophy of blogging. So, the women isn’t stupid nor did I suggest that and it never happened on my blog. Well once and that was when Frank, who is addicted to Starbucks, got cappuccino instead of regular dark American coffee. As they say in the good U.S. of A. shit happens and you really can’t blame anyone for that
Starbucks, iPad, and Hot Chocolate. Anyone that cliche has no reason not to kill themselves ASAP.
Why do you want to wait till 2012? if a little less whipped cream makes you feel like killing yourself then you should. BTW why didn’t you ask the lady to add a little more cream to your drink instead of having suicidal thoughts?
@The_Eyes_Of_A_Painter - How nice of you to give me such a nice explanation. I guess it clarify things a bit. I believe that Dan is a real person and not a computer. Imagine the time it would take him to answer all these people ! He found a system that makes him appear somewhat mysterious and in the same time a real person. At least that’s what i think. Ty
After something that terrible, killing yourself seems to be the only viable solution.
see, didn’t i say you’re a great blogger.
There are bigger things in life that people deal with than whether you have enough whip cream on your hot chocolate.
LOL at all the haters, Dan, I lived with my grandmother my entire childhood. These people just don’t understand what it’s like to live with a person who cries suicide as a means to get what they want constantly. With my grandma, it was a daily occurrence. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that she was going to drive her car to the top of Skyline Drive and run it off the edge of the mountain, I’d be a very rich woman.
That dude’s post sounded exactly like she did.
@brrraaaiiins - But it’s hilarious.
The world would lose…yet another very intelligent person at the time we need you the most?
@ohveryoung - Maybe she is or was mentally ill like I am…not everybody does it for the attention the vast majority of us do not. Maybe she shoioukld start seing professional help?
@ohveryoung - I have been accused quite often by family members…of the same thing that you write about but they never explain to my why I was shaking, crying, and could not stop for over ayear at one point. (And I still do more often than the average person and I have a hard sllepping and eating for vey long periods time eery 2-20 years or so tha has ben the average time between “episodes” or “atttacks’ terms that are familiar to anybody who anybody who has sufered through mental illness fo any length of time. So what you said might be corect for a some people but is far too often a “one way” street with the family driving the wrong way and for the people that are incorectly unfortunetly it takes a tragedy for the family to realize that they wer wrong. I can’t say if this is true in your case but it is in far to many. If she is not already she should be seeing a psychiatrist or some other form of professional help if possible. Or talk to a good clergyman. That helps a lot of people. She might have what they call “Suicide Ideation” which I have been accurately diagnosed (along with foru oher mental illnesses that are more severe. I have been on medications and seeing a psychiatrist. And I am doing much better now. If she has refuses to do this or has done it already and quit then she might be playing with your head and that is not right. But she might be sick and you might mention it to her if you have not already. Good luck and Happy New Year. Several psychiatrists I have seen believe that in my case there is something biologically or genetically wrong with me and I beleieve so do some of my supporters (family and friends) and my critics (family and friends) don’t believe it but I believe they are wrong and sought help and follow my psychiatrist’s orders and I have improved immenasely and itis like day and night.
Life without whip cream is not worth living. Try killing yourself no later than today