April 18, 2012
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Touching a Dead Person
I heard a lady’s husband had a heart attack. I went to the hospital to meet her and her family.
A doctor came into the waiting room and told the woman he did everything he could but her husband was probably dead before he hit the ground.
She asked her son and I to go into the room to see her husband. I went and it was the first time I saw a dead person. He was cleaned up a little but you could see his head was busted from the fall. The smell in the room was horrible. She touched her dead husband.
Have you ever touched a dead person?
Comments (90)
There is a certain grey area there
A cadaver, yes.
Necrophilia baby. My moves can wake the dead!! Mwa ha ha!!
At a viewing, from superstition passed down from my family, it’s customary to touch the coffin. I’m not sure about touching the dead. I know some relatives do it.
My grandma when she passed away in the hospice. I held her hand for a little bit, though it was cold.
My parents made me touch my dead grandfather when i was in 8th grade. He had an open casket and we had to use holy water and put the sign of the cross on his forehead. It was the most traumatizing experience of my life. Then i worked in hospice as an adult and touched plenty of dead people. I have helped clean them up and position them for the family to say their goodbyes.
Yes, but I couldn’t do it when it was my dad. And it bothered me terribly at his viewing to see people touching him. That’s when I decided I want to be cremated.
First time, really? You never went to a wake with an open casket? That’s where i’ve seen all my dead people. I don’t touch them. Some other people actually kiss the dead body but I can’t do it.
Nope never done that
Yes, at the wake/calling hours. I was younger and it was a distant relative, so my cousins and I were “daring” each other to touch “him.” I honestly don’t know who that man was, but his cheek was stiff after the embalming process.
Yes, both my mother, at the time of and just after her death in hospice,
and my husband, whom we found already gone from sudden cardiac arrest.
I didn’t find it creepy at all, because they were people I loved very,
very much. Still, those two days are not fun to think about. Horrible
and traumatizing, but not the “touching them” part. Also touched them to say goodbye while they were in the casket. That is a little more unnerving, as they are so unreal, cold and waxlike then. Still, it’s what many do to say goodbye to a loved one.
I am a nurses aide in a nursing home, and part of my job is cleaning the bodies right after the die, before the family or coroner get there. I have cleaned over 30 bodies in 3 years.. it is really shitty and creepy, but also a privilege to be the last person to take care of them in this life, and make them look presentable for their families.
The only dead person I had the opportunity to touch was my father in law. Didn’t know him, so I didn’t feel too compelled to touch him. Family was kissing his made up, embalmed cheek. I found it a little disturbing, although, who knows how I’ll behave once I lose someone really close.
Years and years ago, yes. Twice in my life- once when I was ten, and when I was 15. My neighbor lost the battle against cancer (I don’t remember what kind), and it was the first funeral I remember attending. The second time. . . It was a classmate of mine; his car went off the road and he was the only one out of 3 passengers who didn’t make it. It didn’t even look like him at the wake, they had so much makeup on him. It broke my heart.
♥L
-SM
>.< almost but freaked when my hand got close… It’s interesting though how once the person is dead there really is nothing there… You hover your hand over theirs and nothing you feel nothing.
Yes. More than once. I held one for nearly an hour. Nothing I would wish for anyone to have to experience, ever.
Yes… Mother and Brother, yet I only remember what they were like when they were alive. I think it may be harder for the young, but I was older with both situations. Interesting question, as well as interesting comments.
my uncles and my dad
I have always found this topic interesting! Both of the times that my grandfathers passed away, I did not even look at their dead body. I was young, and my dad made me afraid to look. But, I do kind of regret it. I haven’t seen a dead body in real life, but I think it would definitely be an eye-opening experience.
@leaflesstree - lol @ “all your dead people” well not them just the way you phrased it.
@Celestial1111 - It is.
Yup, I’m the one who cleans and dresses dead people in my family as I’m the only daughter it’s my task. When you do it right after they die isn’t really that bad.
I see a lot of people are taking this question seriously so I feel bad for my dumb-ass necrophilia comment.
So I’ll answer as best I can in a serious way now. The closest I’ve come to touching someone who had passed on was when my uncle died about 12 years ago. I stood about five feet away from his open casket. Later at hsi burial site I still remember his daughter, my cousin, saying goodbye to him and touching his casket. As far as I know, no one in my family physically touched him.
RIP Uncle Rich.
yes, in gross anatomy lab. i’ve touched several, if you count that.
I’ve been around a lot of dead family members. I think I only touched one during an open casket viewing — it was an empty, sad feeling. :/
it’s only creepy if they’re strangers
Touched one??! I’ve fucked one! Just kidding. It was more than one.
No… the only close relative to me that died was my great grandma, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch her.
my mom is a CNA and she says she’s washed dead people… I don’t know if I could do that.
Yeah? I touched my grandparents after they passed. In my family, it’s not considered weird to touch someone as a farewell. I saw my great-grandmother’s body when I was very young, and it wasn’t that weird of a thing because I knew she wasn’t really there any more. Bodies don’t bother me because the person is gone.
When my niece passed away, I touched her hair while she was in her coffin. I used to always rub her head to make her giggle, so I guess it was a weird sort of reflex. It just made me cry because I could no longer make her giggle.
Yes. My grandmother.
Yes, a few.
Several times, when I was a hospital chaplain for a summer.
At least the man you touched hadn’t been struck by lightning; lightning does horrendous things to a person.
Ew ew ew ew ew…. This is something weirds me out… Dead things freak me out. UUUCCH…. I want to take a shower just at the thought.
…Though I actually have touched a dead thing. Not a person though. I had to check if my dog was alive….
Yeah, I touched my dead great grandfather to see what he felt like.
Nope. Never seen one either. I was recently told a story about a woman who held her stillborn child for 8 hours….she tried to get others to hold it. It was leaking fluids.
Eew, gross, no! I wouldn’t even touch a dead bug. Plus, I’ll be sure to call animal control or pay a neighbor when one of my pets dies. I am not found of such things. I feel like the person is gone and now it’s just bacteria swarming all around. I’m very grateful there are people who can touch the dead!
When I was five, I went to my great-grandmother’s funeral. People starting freaking out and shouting that she was breathing in the casket. I have no doubts that scarred me for life. I won’t go into a room with a dead person anymore, though I did a few times in the last 20 years. The anxiety just increases each funeral… ya know cuz they can really like sit up all of a sudden and stuff. Ack!
Yes, many years ago when my baby girl died from SIDS.
@Shadowrunner81 - Very inappropriate.
I touch dead people a lot. I don’t really see what the big deal is.
I touched my dad when he died. His hand was cold but flexible because Rigor Mortis hadn’t set in yet. Aside from that, I’ve worked on a few cadavers…which is always fun.
Yes. But even more than smelling…..as that can be ignored easily enough…and touching….which isn’t disgusting really…..tasting the oils that have been secreted and lay stale on their face, the clammy roughness that isn’t possible with any living person…I don’t think I’ll ever quite forget that.
No
I used to work in a funeral home/directors, but did not deal with the bodies I was doing a NVQ IT qualification where we were sent to companies by our training provider, and were required to do work placement at a company, some people had more than one placement at a company.
I did see one or two bodies whilst I was there, on my 1st day of my placement I got asked whether I wanted to see a body.
I also got asked to test a few coffins out, environment friendly ones.
I have been to four funerals, my mum touch her dad’s coffin on the day of his funeral
I have touched several people who have died. I helped clean them up before their families came in to see them in the hospital. The smell is from their bowels relaxing- usually poop does come out, sometimes a little more after it’s cleaned up the first time. It’s interesting to feel a body cool down during post-mortem care.
Touching someone who had passed was strange at first, but now I find death to be very peaceful. If someone is a few minutes from dying and his/her family isn’t there yet, I’ll hold his/her hand until his/her heart has completely stopped. They need to know they are not alone. I’d want someone to be there for me and hold my hand if I were dying, even if I were unconscious. I do not find death or dead people to be scary at all- rather, it’s the process of dying that bothers me. But after the death occurs, there’s this peace in the room that’s hard to describe. It’s quiet and there’s no more suffering. The body is like a peaceful shell. I don’t really feel any sadness until the family comes in.
I wanted to say no, but I have actually held someone’s heart in my hand in an anatomy class, and scratched some skin from her genitals. It smelled like a mixture of a rubber factory and a bakery.
But I#ve never seen or touched a dead person who still looked like a person or whom I knew before.
Not till now, it seems normal if you are so familiar with that person…
Yes, I kissed my nana’s cheek to say goodbye. I’m glad I did.
when I was very young, my grandmother died. And I was holding her hand and trying to hug her a lot….everyone told me she wasn’t ‘really’ there….but it just made me feel close to her I guess. Though it is not something I would do now that im older. Annnnd I fully intend to be cremated lol.
If I go to a funeral I usually put my hand over theirs for a moment or if they are family I give them a last kiss goodbye.
This year, my mom valiantly fought against cancer, but it was too much for her. So, yes, I have touched a dead person. It wasn’t weird to me at all because she was my mom. I loved her. It was a cathartic experience.
Yikes. What a good friend you are, I couldn’t do that. No, I haven’t seen a dead person.
When was this? Recently? If so, for this to be only your first dead person ever you must lead a hell of a charmed life. I saw my first real live dead person years ago. No, I didn’t touch that person or any of the other dead people I have seen since.There was no reason to.
No, I didn’t.
I put my hand on a dead man’s chest to start CPR, but a police officer showed up before I began so I stepped aside and let him take over with the portable defib.
I have, when I was a little girl, about 5 1/2, my great grandmother died. I loved her very much. I touched and rubbed her hand and kissed her on her cheek to say goodbye at her funeral. I miss her every day <3 Nothing strange to do in my family. I will do the same at my grandmothers funeral and my mothers when that time comes…
I’ve touched my brother, grandmother, and great aunt after they passed. it’s the past time you’ll ever see them, why wouldn’t you want to touch their skin or kiss them on the cheek goodbye?
remember I’m a retired nurse.
I hugged and held my dad after he passed, and a couple days later just before cremation. It’s not as weird as you would think if they’re your own loved ones. I’m also a nursing student and have touched cadavers that have been selectivly dissected for us to see the intended muscle, ligament, bone, etc… that I’m not so much of a fan of.
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I have. There are few things as horrid.
The only close death in my family was my grandfather and he suffocated to death. Just hearing my mom talk about what he looked like was horrible, I don’t think I could’ve touched him had I the chance. And the only open-casket funeral I went to I wanted to touch him just to see what his skin felt like. He looked plastic.
Yes, many. When my cousin died, I nearly crawled into the coffin with her. Dead people used to terrify me when I was younger, but after going through the process with many people I’ve cared about, I’ve gotten…well, used to it.
I touched the side of my mothers cheek after she had passed away. I live an hour away and by the time I got to the hospital it was too late. That was my final good bye to her, a soft brush on the cheek totally a lone in the hospital room with my family waiting for me in the other room. It was quiet and it was needed because the moment I left that hospital room I became the leader of my entire family and it was intense for a 21 year old. Holding my composure through everything after her passing was rough on me, but at least I had that one single silent moment.
When my husband died, they had to pretty much pry me off of his body at the hospital after a couple of hours and make me go home. I didn’t want to let go of him because I knew once I went out that door, I would never see him again.
Nope.
Sorry you had to see that, Dan.
Very sad.
I used to do a lot of hospice work – us CNAs would take care of them while they died, then we cleaned the bodies and made them presentable for the families to say their last goodbyes. It was hard at first, but really, the body is just a shell. There’s nothing scary about it.
The only time I’ve actually seen a body was at my grandmother’s funeral a few years ago. The funeral was open-casket, but while we all went up to pay our respects, we didn’t actually touch my grandmother.
Funerary custom on my father’s side has always been cremation due to a combination of traditional preference or religious beliefs (a good portion of my family is Amida Buddhist) and so there is never a casket at the funeral.
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Oh god no. I came close when my housemate Margot died. And ironically I have a funeral to go to.. my grandma died.
I’ve touched many. Just not on the genitalia.
@littlejester - I’m sorry for your loss.
@Nidan@revelife - Thank you.
You’re 40 years old and you’ve never seen a dead person? Seriously? Wow. Just wow.
oh yes
@littlejester - sure!
Nope. Haven’t touched or even seen a dead person.
Yes.
I had to prepare for burial a fellow church member. He was a young guy about my age. He had already been embalmed and was brought out of “refrigeration” at the mortuary. He was very cold and stiff. We couldn’t get his white dress shirt on him so we had to cut it down the back. I kept thinking at his grieving young wife.
I have a friend who always touches the person who has passed…I for the first time recently touched someone during calling hours..My above friend went with me…I didn’t like (I’m sure no one really likes it) and I probably won’t do it again..
Yes…I touch the deceased whenver I am at a wake and usually quietly say a prayer for all of them….almost alweays it is the “Our Father” which is about the only prayer I know and according to Jesus it is the only prayer you need to know.
No. Only animals, dead pets. But it’s not like touching them living. Once the soul is gone, all that’s left is the husk. It’s nothing; just cold, nothing recognizable left of the once living being that occupied it previously and has now gone elsewhere except the approximate shape… a statue of sorts.
Sorry to hear what happened to the gentleman. I have never touched a dead person. Been to a few funeral. It’s unbearable and saddening to look at the icy cold body. I don’t know how worse it’ll be to touch.. Sigh
No.
I’ve had to help move a few dead people onto gurneys, and wheel some to the morgue at the hospital.
Several times. I’ve been to a lot of funerals.
I was with both of my grandmothers when they died, and I’ve come in contact with a few other dead bodies after people have passed away. It doesn’t phase me.
The body is the same as it was when they were here, just without the ‘spirit’ or whatever you might like to call it. Between when a person’s body is living and deceased, they don’t become evil and there’s really nothing to be afraid of… it was just a vessel which allowed their conscious mind to do the things it needed to.
I don’t really understand what it is that people find frightening about dead bodies, but I imagine it has something to do with all of the zombie movies and things like that out there. In some cultures, a person’s body remains in the family home for a good week so that loved ones can come say their farewells and pay their respects.
A dead body isn’t going to hurt you- if anything, a live body has more potential to be filled with hate, or anything worth fearing.
I am (was) a registered nurse and worked in an intensive care unit for a long time. I’ve touched a lot of dead people. None of them related to me. I think there’s a difference.
No, I haven’t nor do I intend to. I do not understand how people kiss a dead person in their casket! I have lost two beloved husbands, but I would not kiss them after death. I just came home from New Orleans where part of our tours was a tour of Metairie Cemetary where all the handsome monuments are. Of course, because of the fact they are below sea level, everyone is buried above ground. I couldn’t get interested. I thought it was such a waste to put all that money into a monument. It would be different if it was by a famous artison and viewed as art. To put that much money into a person who is dead is foolish. It isn’t for the dead, it is for the living. Among the monuments were several so old that the family had all perished thus the monuments were in bad repair. I will be buried next to my first husband under a monument that says, Together Forever. At the time, it was a comfort. I do not think my relatives give a hoot. I just hope my understanding of an after life is that you will join your loved ones, but in a different substance. I would like to believe that I would be able to show them love and receive it. That is the only thing that is important to me now. I will be 83 May, 15th I have one living uncle who is 99. My mother’s family all lived to be in their nineties so I may also. It is a challenge for my body is wasting away. Thus I depend on keeping my spirit strong. I hope I do that.
Yes, a family member.
Yes and it is never easy.