July 20, 2012
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Unforgiven
There is someone out there who has hurt you more than anyone else. That person may have taken something away from you that was sacred.
The person may have broken something that is beyond repair. The person may have robbed you of your innocence.
Now imagine that person said, “Sorry.”
Is there anyone from your present or past that you could never forgive?
Comments (73)
No. I don’t forgive people for their sake. I forgive them for mine.
I forgive everyone. Unless they hurt my dog. Then I’ll torture them.
Hmmm. Well I don’t think I can forgive the man who molested me when I was a kid. That’s a tough one.
I used to think there was someone I could not forgive. However, the older I get and the more life just kind of smacks me right in the face, I realized that was dumb and anyone can be forgiven. You don’t have to allow them a place back in your life. They don’t have to be your best pal or around your kids, but they can be forgiven.
I’m not sure.
This Dan, aka, “the Theologian” has hurt me beyond repair. I can no longer trust the stirrer of drama.
@SasGal - What she said. Forgiveness is not for the person you are forgiving, it is for yourself.
This is a deep question Theo. Sometime I’ll have to forgive my father for the way he abandoned my family, so I guess for now I can’t say that I have someone on a ‘never forgive list’ or something. My father is the closest one to making that kind of list. I know I’ll forgive him sooner or later, I just pray I can do it before something happens to him.
it’s not likely they would live long enough to say sorry.
Depends on what they did and how sincere they are.
Sometimes when someone goes past a certain line, the hurt from that does so much damage. There is such a thing as a point of no return. Forgiveness is for your own personal healing, not to make them feel better. It does not require you to allow that person back into your life. I have to remind myself to turn it over to the Supreme Judge, God. And some days I think I hurt so bad I will never completely heal.
No, it’s hard for me to hold grudges. I have a poor memory.
We have to renounce anger or resentment against harm done, lest it eats us alive.
Forgiveness is about not holding a grudge, because unforgiveness is not healthy. Forgiveness, is freeing oneself of all bitter feelings toward one that has wronged us. It is hard, but necessary. It doesn’t mean that you will be able to trust them, which if both parties are willing to patch it up, is possible. Even if somebody has hurt us to the point of damaging a relationship, why hold onto hatred? It only hurts you, if you do not forgive somebody. But to say, yes I am hurting, however I forgive you, because I don’t want to hold onto anger and bitterness, that itself is freeing =)
i don’t think so. but perhaps i haven’t been hurt that badly.
What if that person is yourself? It’s always hard to forgive yourself.
It’s bad to let something like that fester. It’s not hurting them at all for you to hole a grudge. Whatever thing that they did that was unforgivable, you shouldn’t let that have that much control over your life. You forgive them and move on and not let something a terrible person did bother you.
Forgiveness is reserved for the foolish.
I won’t say I’d never forgive, but there’s somebody who will have to do some serious grovelling.
unfortunately, there are a couple people that i don’t think i could forgive. instead of dwelling on the grudges i try to focus on leading a good life without them.
I forgive everyone for my own good.
Forgiveness is more a gift to yourself than anyone else, that being said, there are some very strong struggles I have with certain things in my life. Things that caused a lot of damage, not just to me but to those I love most dearly as well. Is it still the right thing to do? Yes. Can I do it? Those I haven’t succeeded in I am still working on, let’s put it that way.
I think I have matured enough to forgive my parents. When I was younger there was no way to tell that both had a sickness that couldn’t be seen. Mother a schitzophrenic and my father an enabler and I was caught somewhere in the middle. But with age and a little counseling for me I know now their hurt wasn’t intentional. And after all, as several of your commenters have already mentioned, forgiveness is to free yourself not the other person.
i always forgive. but i won’t forget what happened.
You for being so boring.
I think the only person I can’t seem to forgive is myself. I am really harsh on my mistakes. With others, even those who have hurt me and wronged me, I find it in myself to find forgiveness. I forgive but never forget though.
When you believe what I believe…and “believe” is a formality, here. What I mean is “know”…not forgiving someone is simply not an option.
I’ve often thought there were people from the past who I would never forgive. But i’ve foudn that time heals all wounds and eventually, I forget and forgive.
Generally I forgive, or if not forgive, I forget about it. Two people, not so much. I’m working on forgiving one of them. I have no intention of forgiving the other.
I tend to forgive people when they say “sorry”. But if they happened to do the exact same thing to me even after saying sorry, my rage would become doubled.
Probably, but I know those people would never say sorry. If they did say sorry, I wouldn’t believe them, partially because of how they are, and partially because I hold the strong belief that if you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done whatever it was. Thats like “I’m sorry that I cheated on you”. Excuse me? If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it. End of story. Of course, some people hurt you with no intention of it and without knowing they were hurting you – thats different, but I don’t hold grudges in those situations.
Nope, but it would take a lot to truly repair the relationship.
I will always forgive, sooner or later. But I never ever forget. And if I need to, I will completely wash my hands of someone and walk away forever. Not out of hate, just self-preservation.
@ShimmerBodyCream - that’s not true. because by hurting the dog, it is actually hurting the feeling of its owner, isn’t it?
I too, am not sure.
no.
is it weird that i am uncomfortable with people apologizing to me? i don’t wait for them to say they’re sorry. i don’t necessarily forgive either. but i don’t bear grudges and i do try to forget and move on.
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“Sorry” doesn’t undo the hurt or give back the thing or person who was taken. It is useless. All “sorry” does is make the sayer feel better. If it makes the recipient feel better, then that’s wonderful, but if the hurt was deep enough then “sorry” is a joke.
I understand that forgiveness is good for your soul…but fuck that. I’ll never forgive my dad for the shit he’s put me and the rest of my family through.
Yes, there is someone I could not forgive if they told me “sorry.” The reason being, because of their actions and attitude, I could never believe them if they said it. They would have to show that they’re sorry by actually doing the right thing. That person has hurt too many folks close to me emotionally for me to forgive them so easily.
Yeah there are a lot of people who almost destroyed my marriage, but I forgive them.
The father of my first son. But I wouldn’t accept his apology for the simple fact that I truly don’t believe that it would ever be sincere. =/ He’s tried to apologize before but didn’t really know what he was apologizing for. He just thought that it was what I wanted to hear. >.<
Actually most people that screw me over don’t even apologize or act like they did anything wrong so that at least would be something. An admission of guilt goes a long way.
to this i have to say for a person who has hurt somone or their family or anyone dear to a person no couldnt forgive. if someone did something to my child or my family or anyone dear to me they would never be forgivin but other then that i could forgive.
there is currently someone i can’t forgive. even if he said he was sorry i would not believe him. and as of right now he deserves no one’s forgiveness. he is cruel, heartless, a coward.
i’m not sure what the future holds as far as that is concerned though. maybe i’ll find it in my heart….maybe not.
the only ones that go unforgiven by myself is me. no one can do anything to me that I will not forgive.
I seem to forgive someone once… after that it’s done. I think everyone from my past I have forgiven. I just have came to terms that I don’t want them in my life anymore.
I am pretty forgiving.
@ShimmerBodyCream - Exactly! Bubby and Sox, FTW! ^_^
No,my ex best friend once was in this category, but I forgave her in the end.
Depends how you define “forgive”. If it implies -”trust again” or ”not hold grudge against” then probably no. I’m really bad at those two things.
I always believe that someone could totally change and turn their life around and feel the need to be forgiven.
I have done so many things that I needed forgiveness for. It would be so wrong for me to deny forgiveness to someone else.
Maybe.
There is only one person I will never forgive. I don’t care to try to forgive him either. I can carry on perfectly fine with my life, happier than ever, but as soon as he tries to contact me, my blood boils.
Yep and he is not sorry for what he did.
I’ll only forgive after I throw poison ivy darts at them. forgiveness isn’t free. nothing is.
if they had the balls to say ,”sorry” yes.
I never forget when someone betrays me, threatens me, or disrespects me. But other than that, I’ll forgive anything.
How could “Sorry” mean anything to me when “Please don’t…” meant nothing to them?
This person said they would never do something and did it.
This person said they would always do something and didn’t.
This person broke every promise they made.
No matter what I said, nothing changed this person’s actions and there are no words that will ever undo the damage caused by them.
I can only think of one person that I just can’t forgive, but I never see or hear from her so I don’t think about it much. If I did, I might pretend that I forgave her just to keep the peace in the family, but in my heart I wouldn’t. Not that she’s ever asked for forgiveness.
Yes, and years later I am still affected by the actions of this person, so go figure.
No. I forgive everyone. But I have low standards. Being hurt occasionally in a deep relationship is sometimes a given. Being hurt because of the twisted whims of other people is also bound to happen. Those people have to be forgiven, too.
No, there isn’t.
Yes.
Two years ago, someone I thought was a friend decided he wanted to have sex with me and wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell him no. (In the end, he finally left me alone, but not before really scaring me.) I have forgiven him, as in, I do not hold a grudge against him and I honestly do not wish him ill. But I never want to see him again, even if I knew he’d never try that again. I do not want him to be part of my life ever again.
nope.
No..I’ve decided that I must move on from the hurt and forgive him for my sake..not his. And, I have !! I couldn’t believe anyone could be so ugly and cruel. I’ve moved forward….and left him behind..He is no longer a friend..not an enemy, but certainly not a friend. Once a snake has tried to bite you once, you should never get close enough to let him bite you again.. Once a skunk has released his odor, I know never to approach him again. Once a rattler has begun to make noise, give him a wide berth and do not go near him again. A few years ago, I would never have believed he could be so merciless. Never again…I’ve moved on!!!
The drunk who killed my brother can say she’s sorry a million times – I will never forgive her.
My mom caused the death of my father. she caused a lot suffering in our family. Bearing resentment is tough, it doesn’t makes me feel any better, and if anything, worse. But its really hard, I cant’t forgive, at least not now. all i can do is to keep it under control.
…….Yes, at first, but I’ve decided that it is easier and less stressful to just forget about the trespass and the individual in question…… If we ever see each other, they will get just a blank look and ‘excuse me but do we know one another?’….. It is much easier to forgive and not forget than to carry a grudge about the past…. as has been said, ce la vie….. Peace
There is one person that I will never be able to forgive. It’s not just me he hurt. He hurt my family enough that I’ve lost them too. Even if he apologizes to me, what good would it do? It’s not within my rights to forgive the hurt he has caused others. I told him not to bother and everyone thinks “oh, she’s so sweet” but really, it’s because I know it wouldn’t change anything. He should be a lot more than “sorry.”