November 29, 2012
-
When Your Spouse Does Porn
I was reading an article about a guy who found out his wife did 10-20 porn videos before they met.
They have been married five years.The guy is upset to know his wife was in porn and he is not sure if he can continue in the relationship. Here is the link: LinkCould you marry someone who once did 10-20 porn videos?
Comments (77)
Oh, I bet this one goes xanga viral.
Yes.
if they saw it as a mistake other than that hell no. seems not telling him tells us that she knew he would not marry a porn star. that is a very big lie
No.
Any woman who quits on a promising, well-paying job simply isn't for me.
And his wife didn't tell him that before they got married? O.o so rough :/ It's fine though if she is no longer in porn after getting married and promise not to coming back there.
Yes. I would be pretty pissed to find out later on though. I've always been straight forward from the beginning. Same with my husband. Best to just lay out all your dirty laundry.. He's a keeper if he sticks around.
Yes, Easily
I don't think it really affects me or our relationship. It would be different if I had asked earlier and gotten an incorrect answer.
Don't most of the guys who do porn have, like, a 10-inch dick? It seems like that would be painful. I don't think I would want to marry someone like that. But not because they did porn, just because ow.
So long as he is okay with the fact that I was once a plushophiliac.
That would be like buying a new car, then finding out that it was actually used as a rental car for a few years. Time to trade that fucker in.
Hey, I think i'm going to create a company called "PussyFax". It's a report of your girlfriends vaginal history! Oh, you wanna ride the bull? That's fine. Let's see that PussyFax!"
Fortune 500 here I come!!!
@amateurprose - hahahah if there was a way to automatically find out a partners history and you patented it you would be a millionaire!!!
As for this post, it's pretty harsh that she didn't tell him before they got married - but in the same token, they've had five assumingly great years together without him knowing, so what if she did tell him before they got married, and he broke it off? They would have missed out on the last five years!
I'm all for honesty though, and would have taken a lot of work to gain my trust back but I'd at least give it a go.
No because I don't want to marry anybody and I won't make an exception even for a guy who used to do porn.
I'd like to say what's in the past is in the past, but I don't know if I could really be so understanding... I'd be worried about getting a disease from him!
I dunno, over what period of time? How long before they had met me? These are important questions.
I'd be able to marry someone who was once in porn, as long as they were 100% clean, and didn't keep in contact with anybody that they worked with.
Of course, so long as she was living as a born again believer in Christ. What Christ puts in the past is truly in the past.
I honestly don't know. I don't think I would know the answer until and unless I was in that situation.
I could marry someone that *did* porn at one point - what I would have trouble with is not knowing for 5 years of marriage!!! Something you need to be upfront about before you say I Do.
Well, obviously she was doing something right if they've been married for five years. I don't see what the problem is?
That's tough to say. If I already loved them I'd be pretty pissed they didn't tell me but I don't know if I would leave them over it. At the same time I can see why someone would withhold that information. I would say yes I could be with them, if they were completely done with that line of work, those contacts etc.
Depends, was it good porn?
he probably wasn't so innocent before either...
I think, if she regrets her porn videos & promise not to do so in future so the husband should forgive her, bcoz nobody is perfect in this world, May be man also had a sexual relationship with anybody before getting married,so then what is the reason to be separated. 1 thing should be kept in mind (I Believe) that if a boy has a sexual relationship before marriage,surely he would get a woman/girl who had also been "banged" either by a boyfriend or by porn videos.
Yes, but maybe not if they'd waited until we'd been married 5 years to tell me!
Did any of you read the article? SHE was in the porn videos, not HE. Just sayin'...
As for continuing the relationship, he made a lifetime commitment. Yes, based on false information because she did not disclose her past. But you take your chances. If he is honorable, then he has to learn to forgive and move forward. Counseling is probably wise. If he uses it as an excuse to get out, then his honor and commitment is no better than hers.
The main problem is her integrity. First she destroyed all his trust in her. The last 5 years they have been living a lie; he not knowing her sordid past, she, knowing every day that he was loving her, trusting her when she had been dishonest. Their whole relationship is built on false assumptions; essentially a lie. That is a huge hurdle to overcome. Should he divorce, he will have a hard time ever trusting another woman.
Second, if she lied (purposely covered) about her past, what else did she lie about? How can he ever trust her to be honest about things again? Time will heal, but he will have to verify virtually everything she says or does, and when she tells a white lie, or even honestly forgets or miscommunicates, that is the first thing that will pop into his mind....she is being dishonest again. Once trust is destroyed, it is virtually impossible to ever regain it completely. And the victim of major dishonestly like this is often scarred for life.
Third, her poor judgement for participating in something like that speaks volumes about her character to start with. The only possible way I see a positive outcome is, if this revelation occurred as part of her coming to terms with her past in the act of accepting Christ, confronting old sins and working through them, accepting Christ's forgiveness as she works to forgive herself and repair the damage she has done. Imagine what her parents and siblings must have thought and felt. The people in her life may forgive, but they will never forget. The scars will remain. She will wear the scarlet letter of her immoral behavior the rest of her life. Perhaps that is the saddest part of all. If she has turned to God, we know Christ has forgiven her. But can she forgive herself? Completely, permanently? It is like being a convicted criminal, you live with that around your neck the rest of your life, even if no one else knows your past. When entering into an intimate (physical or mental) relationship with someone, you HAVE to disclose your past, ugly as it is, and be honest, if there is ever hope of building a solid relationship with someone.
Any solid relationship is built on trust and honesty, and if that is not there, the relationship will fail.
After you already stuck your dick in it you exposed yourself to the STDs!! I understand not wanting to bang someone because of STDs, but why not continue the relationship since you already gottem now?
I bet she was GREAT in bed!
The 'sin' here is her keeping it a secret from her husband before they married. While this 'sin' is a little more spectacular many, it should have been disclosed by her.
I would not marry a gal that was a porn star. I am fortunate in that my wife and I were both virgins when we married. That is not common, but there are many successful marriages where the couple head different experiences.
What should her do---either forgive or divorce her. It sounds like she at least regrets getting caught, but it sounds like she is sorry that she did that. If he can get past her deception, they might make it in my opinion.
frank
I'd say 'yes'. And this is just like the situation in ' the Girl Next Door'. Yes, if she told me before. I think Love is not only about sex, but more about the relationship .
@Celestial_Teapot - I like the way you think
a classic case of " the deception did far more damage than the deed"
Yes, if I knew about it right from the start. If it is the same as this case, finding out the truth about something of such importance 5 years into the marriage, I don't know if I can ever trust that person ever again.
He never asked, she never told lol. Yes I would be with an ex porn star, given they were clean and out of the buisness. Its just sex baby!
CASUAL SEX - WHAT IS GOD'S VIEWPOINT ?
http://christendomsfolly.xanga.com/710346982/item/
GOD'S VIEWPOINT OF PORNOGRAPHY - HOW DID PORNOGRAPHY AFFECT TED BUNDY ?
http://paintingpictures.xanga.com/764083147/item/
- HOW MUCH LONGER BEFORE GOD SAYS, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH."?
http://watchingthenews.xanga.com/520308217/item/
You know what? A person's life before a relationship is their business. They don't have to tell they new whatever what they did in the past if they don't want to. If I was her I would have said. I had multiple partners in the past (which maybe she did) I've been checked, km clean, my body is healthy. The past is the past and it shouldn't have a precedent on what is now. Regardless it was before him so it doesn't affect him.
That's just how I think and feel. And if he was with other girls, it's the same difference. Except he wasn't video taped or who know.
If I had been with a person and I found out, well first i'd see our life together and if its good or always been a train wreck. If we're happy, why should the past that has nothing to do with me change anything with the now.
Well, it's terrible that she didn't tell him about it, but it also seems to have happened in one particular year of her life, 8 years before they married. I can understand not wanting to get into every detail of the worst year in your life. Now, if he asked and she lied about her number of sexual partners, etc, that's a different story and would be harder to forgive.
Bottom line: If he doesn't want a divorce, he needs to work hard on not thinking about it all the time.
Yes. As long as someone didn't poop on her.
Are they high quality or the cheesy gruntin type pornos?
yes, because we all had a life before we meet each other
I think if I were married and found out my spouse had been a porn star, it would take a bit of getting used to. I'd be the most worried about STDs, but then, I wouldn't marry someone without knowing their STD status to begin with.
As much as I would want to move past it and just accept them and love them, I think it would affect how I saw them, at least for awhile. I'd need some time to get used to it. But if it was before we even met, then it's not really my business. Yes, it would have been nice if she'd told him before they got married, but I can understand why she didn't.
My Lord Jesus can totally cleanse all sin and heal all wounds. God is bigger than our sins. If he tries to forgive her based on his own feelings that will be . . . EPIC FAIL. If he forgives her based on the Holy Spirit . . . EPIC WIN~! God cannot fail. Trust Him.
Why does it even matter? Terrible the secret was kept, not terrible what a person does before they met.
no, no I couldn't.
especially if they never even told me and i just FOUND OUT.
Why the hell not? I think it would be pretty hot to know my woman was getting all freak nasty on camera.
@amateurprose - LMAO!
Dear Abbey has it right. The past
is the past.
If one decides to love, then be dedicated to being able
to work out what comes along as well... as long as both partners move that way, it ought to work out.
There may come a time when this changes, and it
seems the gentleman needs to decide if this is that time or not. I wonder if he did it as Abbey described... or some other way.The question was: “Could you
marry someone who once did 10-20 porn videos?”
No. I have no interest.
Too much talking here. The answer is simple. You marry the person they are...not the person they were. Period.
No way, my limit is 9 previous porn videos.
@missxtinaaa - lol You are like the only other person who said no. No i definitely couldn't. It would just make me uncomfortable if I found out the person I was dating was in porn. And all these women around me might have seen his dick, and know exactly how he is in bed...Idk I am not super jealous type but I just feel like something that would be a deal breaker for me. Yes we all have our pasts and our histories but they are not all taped and for sale for the entire world to watch online either. Also, as far as the lying about it part, I don't know personally that would be a huge breach of trust. Not only are guys probably out there whacking off to this guys wife, but he didn't even know about it...
@IdioticWisdoms - Glad someone else agrees!!
maybe it's her way to get out of the marriage.
I'm not sure if I could. As much as I'd like to say it wouldn't bother me, I know it would. Assuming I'm in the same situation the man was in and had already married the individual, I think if I'd married the person I'd love them enough to see passed it, but I'd be pissed off he hadn't told me. If I found out before we got married, I don't think that alone would be enough for me to determine that that's the reason I didn't want to marry him.
*shrug* Everyone sells themselves to some degree, I suppose. Whether you choose retail, fast food or porn is up to you and I don't see how it really makes much difference in the long run. However, I would be a little tweaked too if I found out after we were married (let alone had been for 5 years), just for the fact of not wanting to be blind sided when my friends eventually came up to me and went, "OMG! We thought you were just stroking his ego when you said Sean was hung like a horse! But...wow!! NEIGH!!" >.<
great now people have another excuse not to marry me
It's just the fact that she did not tell him before they got married...she didn't give him the option of deciding whether or not he wanted to be married to a former porn star. Maybe he would have been able to look past it and value her honesty.
@Ork58 - He asked if the reader would marry someone who did 10 to 20 porns. Obviously, straight women would have to consider a MAN who had done porn, and consequently their response will include "He", you brilliant bastard. Did YOU read the question???
For me it would be how long has it been since they last did a porn movie whether or not I believe they quit. I would also want to know if they have been tested for STD"s and demand proof. Damn I am such a prude<:)
I think the part that's upsetting is NOT that she did porn, but that she didn't TELL him about it. >_>
That's what'd probably make me leave.
Your past? Sometimes that can only be your past and some people can move on from it... but I'd be EXTREMELY disturbed to know that my husband did porn and didn't TELL me... especially since a lot of that stuff re-circulates and people could still be watching it. >_>
I might, if they were honest about it before we got married, but I'm not sure I could forgive them having hidden it if I found out after we were married.
i'd be irritated in the same way i would be if i found out my wife had been a firefighter for five years and never told me. i don't think there's anything dirty or shameful about porn or the porn industry - but there is something a little off about keeping secrets in a marriage.
@randaness - I'm not sure what the average 'porn penis' measures, but I've seen porn where I'm pretty sure my husband's thumb was bigger than the guy's erect penis. I'm wondering if there's a fetish for small penises, but I'm not going to Google that.
Unless she outright lied to him or went out of her way to hide it, I'm not seeing the issue. Am I the only one who thought to ask a dozen or so seemingly-bazaar ass questions when dating?
If I found myself single again, I don't think finding a virgin would be likely unless I went out of my age range. Even finding a person who'd only slept with one or two others might be difficult. Porn? I'm not sure I'd want to go there. It would depend on their reasons and what their standards are now. So, it's not out of the question but it is something that would need discussed.
I feel the wife should have told her husband, but because it was before they got together, I don't feel the husband should end the relationship because of it
@Ork58 - You had me until you started talking about christ. Otherwise I think you are on point.
As for me with that big of a lie I would have to really soul search on whether to move forward or to leave the relationship. The porn thing isn't the problem, it is the severity of the lie. I don't know if I could ever trust her again. And you are right, what else did she lie about?
Every step on the road has brought us to what we are today. Digging up old stones in that road serves NO purpose. He needs to get the hell over it. She is the same person she was ten minutes before he found out.
Absolutely, as long as he quit after he met me. The past is the past.
the porn wouldn't bother me. but i'd be pissed that they hadn't told me before getting married. i'd probably get a divorce at that point.
Who writes some this stuff? People who have never been married or had a girlfriend?! If your wife likes so called "porn" you better be overjoyed!!!
@flapper_femme_fatale - REALLY? you'd divorce over it?
She probably has a expert knowledge of the really good sex stuff...I say he's a lucky man !!!
@light_blue_fables - absolutely. the fact that he didn't trust me enough before getting married to tell me about his past, tells me we never should have gotten married to begin with.
Why does everyone automatically assume that porn is a bad thing. Porn keeps a lot more marriages alive than it destroys!! Any guy over 12 years old has masturbated to porn in their imaginations and will continue until the day they die!! So are they guilty of some sin??
Only in the alternative universe of people who still believe in Jewish Zombies!! LOL
Sure you can. I believe it was Obadiah in the Scripture that was told to marry a harlot. If they have truly repented and turned from their sin sure you can marry them. Bro. Doc
Unconditional love is unconditional love to me. I'd be upset with them for not telling me for so long, but I would forgive them and move on. Actually, maybe I'd even check out the porn before moving on completely. Haha.
She didn't tell him because she knew he would leave . LMAO
#NeverTrustAHoe !
The thing that you offer is worth our case and force.
visit erotic massage