December 27, 2012
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The Disappearing Father
I was reading an article about how fathers are dropping out of the lives of their children at an alarming rate.
According to the article, 1 in 3 children in the U.S. live without a father. Here is the link: LinkI always felt fortunate that my father was not only living with us, but he always did stuff with us and made us feel loved. I always felt it was such an advantage in life.Was your father present for you?
Comments (88)
No. He used always to tell us to go away, and then in the later years he said he wished Mom would take us and leave. And we used to beg her to.
Yes, when he wasn’t working. I never had a moment’s doubt of his love, though.
Somewhat. My parents divorced when I was seven and he lived in a different state but he always made sure to keep in touch with us, first via weekly phone calls, then via email and facebook.
Unfortunately.
My dad was very present in my life as a child and still is. I love my dad. In fact, my aunt told me this weekend that I better hurry up and find a man and settle down because all of the good men will be gone soon… if not already. She also said that my dad was probably a better husband and father than the men who are still single and available… scared me. There are good single men still out there, right?
Mostly. He worked a lot – still does – and mom was a stay at home, so she was more important to me, but his financial contribution was probably invaluable. I wouldn’t say we’ve ever been terribly close but we get along okay.
Yes. And I refused to let my ex-husband disappear on our kids either.
Yeah, my dad was always away but not my stepdad. My other parents worked it out so that one of them was home with us at least part of the day. Then the oldest took over when they were not there. I started first watching M, A, T, N. Then M started watching A, T, N. Then A started watching T, N. Then T started watching N. N is probably sick of all the females.
And we’re not getting pregnant young. What a shocker. This is because we know the burden that children bring.
I was nearly killed for refusing the stupidity. I don’t care. They can’t kill us all.
I needed a break from childrens. The little creatures love me, but the feelings are not mutual. I was going to graduate school, heaven forbid in this country you don’t end up a welfare-mongering single mother. They love their misery. Fry that chicken.
As far as men go, I know I’m never going to get a decent one, so I shun them all.
My dad is doing better with his second kid, however.
When I was little, my dad would disappear for a few seconds at a time by covering his eyes and saying peek-a-boo. He would then reappear by uncovering his eyes. I never figured out how he did it, and he hasn’t done it in some years for whatever reason. My theory is that he had mastered a strange form of black magic that allowed him to temporarily vanish, as well as gave him the ability to remove my nose (which looked suspiciously like his thumb). The fact that he hasn’t removed my nose in years leads me to believe that he has lost the ability to practice the black magic he had somehow obtained many years ago. I guess I’ll never truly know his secret, though.
Present, and a great dad and role model, but I think sometimes he struggles because his dad was the worst possible, and still is.
Nope. Cut that bastard out of my life completely and I’ve never been happier.
Yes, I am absolutely blessed with a present father who sacrifices many things for me and my brother, and beyond.
Yes. He was.
My parents divorced when I was 14, but he was still very present in my life. It’s a weird relationship now. He doesn’t feel like a father anymore so much as a friend. So yeah, I lost a father somewhere along the line, but gained a great friend. I know that when his older brother, my uncle, died in 2000 that I eventually took his place and so I’m as much a friend to him as he is to me.
@light_blue_fables - sorry, just us losers are left.
Oh wow.
Your timing is impeccable.
Fuck.
Yes he was, until he died this year.
My father did all he could to be there for me now, he tried to be there to be with me sporadically as a child. He was a normal person, but he took the time to see me at my weakest and about to leave for another country. He was there to see in a moments’ notice by taking trains, bus, and airplanes since he was working elsewhere when I come home to visit now. I am grateful all these year, he maintained his role as a dad despite being separated from my mom years back.
Mine’s a douche.
Yes.
Yes. My father was the perfect WWII return vet; married a nice girl, settled down in a small town, had five children, was happy, and made enough money that we all had a decent start. What happened after that wasn’t his fault.
Yeah. He worked a lot, but he was always there. We don’t have a very close relationship though.
@light_blue_fables - I wonder too… reading young men here, I do wonder about that.
Not really but he isn’t really compatible with my mom. Besides, some of these moms are fucking crazy and want their dudes to bend over backwards for them. My husband’s dad has been there for him since forever. My best friend is marrying her baby’s dad.
Yeah he was a great dad until he met my stepmother and married her. Then, he didn’t even have the balls to stand up for me when she was being verbally abusive for 15 years of my life. = Now.. meh, we have an ok relationship. He buys me nice things.. like a new dishwasher. ._.
present till he passed away
Yes, but I wish he hadn’t been. I’m better off with just my mom, and that is why my dad is no longer in my life. I’ve completely disowned him.
My dad was always there for me, even after my parents divorced twelve years ago. I don’t talk to him too often now, but I should more. But he still always answers if I call him.
My kids dad disappeared from everyone’s life for 10 years. Eleven his mother did not know where he was. Then he did flybys just breaking their heart over and over again. Now he is trying to have a relationship. And they have pulled up their runways refusing to even let him land. Sad, at every important event I always think ”your missing it”.
No. Up until I was 12 he was around like 10% of the time and that time was usually spent sleeping. After that he left for good.
My dad was never around even when he was around, like i would talk to him but his mind would be somewhere else..haha and i used to be really sneaky, and steal money from his pants or shirt pocket when he sleeps or heeds to the bathroom.lol i don’t know why i do that..hahaha we were just reminiscing and my sister was like can’t believe you even steal money from your own father…lol
not until adulthood.
Yes, despite the huge problems between him and my mom, he decided to stick around and raise my sister and me
My parents are have been married for over 30 years.. and by married I mean still living under the same roof. I mainly only remember him around when we did something wrong.
From cradle to grave father is an impotent person for our life. I think father is like a tree to our life. My beloved father was always with me & will always with me. For this I am so happy.
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@light_blue_fables - I’m sure your father is much better than anyone your age, because your father has experience. The majority of people are not raised to take responsibility the way they once were, but there are still some who know what it means to be adults and put their families first. At this age, though, they’re still going to screw up a lot.
My dad always provided for us, but he was on the road and was also emotionally distant when I was little. Then he started AA, and our family relationships have just been getting better ever since. Now he’s perfect.
@lanney - I think what my aunt was commenting on was his dedication, quality of character and hardwork… not just now but probably for as long as she’s known him (and they’re siblings). I do understand what you’re saying about experience but I can’t think of a single time (as a child or an adult) where I felt like my dad wasn’t 100% committed to being a great father. I think I am really really lucky.
@light_blue_fables - Well good. I am glad you were blessed with him/ : )
Mine was a wonderful Dad, until he died of cancer when I was just 5. :(
yes, he even tucked us in bed at night and there were 8 of us so when he got to the end we were already untucked and he would ask? now how did I miss you? lol lol lol
That’s horrible. It’s because of the welfare state. Subsidize poverty, subsidize bastard children, AND YOU’LL GET MORE. I work with these kids. It fucks them up for life and then they become the state’s problem when they wind up in the criminal justice system. I feel so bad for their mothers. They are trapped into responsibilities which exceed one person’s ability; they’re exhausted. I want to buy them birth control for Christmas, but my company would probably frown on that.
Not completely. He left when I was ten. I haven’t had contact with him since 2004.
I miss him sometimes, but then I remember what horrors he put my family through.
Nope, bio left when I was just a few months old, and the guy i call my dad was a trucker most of my life, so he’s been gone a lot.
Very. He is an incredible person. Very loving, very merciful, and very involved. He took me out on dates from the time I was a little girl, to the time I moved out, just to talk in depth about my life and life in general. He has been my rock through all my times of difficulty and uncertainty. I love and admire my dad very much, and I can’t imagine life without him.
I have the best daddy!!!!!!!
Yes, we’ve always been very close and he was and still is involved in my sister’s and my life
Yes, he was! He still is. He even texts me. lol As far as after adulthood, my father has actually been the better parent. He took me and my sister out to lunch for Mother’s Day because our own mother was “angry” with us (she shouldn’t have been) and took off to go spend Mother’s Day with her boyfriend’s mother.
I work in an elementary school and we have several students where the mother has been absent. So sad… almost sadder.
He was the only thing between me and my mother’s abuse. I thank him for that.
Yes, my father was always present.
Dear Dan,
My father dropped dead of his thirteenth heart attack at age 54, back when I was 21. He was in my life long enough that he was “present”. I’m father to nobody, so nobody will miss me when I’m gone.Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
“Hasta la vista, baby!”
Haven’t seen him in 45 years.
Yes, he was a wonderful father. I always went to him when I needed to talk, and he was the one who dealt with me when I got in trouble. He was the most patient, caring man I’ve ever known, very wise, and very funny. He wasn’t perfect, he drank too much, but he was never violent. He kept my Mom and I at peace with each other. When he died 12 years ago our family fell apart. I don’t see my Mom and sister, and it’s preferred that way on both sides. I look back and am amazed at how he was the glue that held us together; he loved each of us for who we were. I hope to be more like him as time goes by….but I’m in my 50′s now, and still have a long way to go!
nope, dad left when i was about 3 and haven’t heard from him since
Nope, a messy and unfair divorce will do that. My step dad I don’t feel was there much for me. If I needed something like a test signed for school or a field trip form he would tell us to go talk to my mom about it, there was other things as well but in the end we had a very unhealthy relationship and now don’t even speak, even on days like Christmas.
Society is not currently conducive to making men stay around. Human males have one of the highest MPI (Male Paternal Investment) in the animal kingdom, which is basically the amount of effort they would normally put into raising their offspring.
Women initiate over 70% of divorces, the man will lose his wealth to alimony, child support, while losing the kids, and often all women have to do to keep the husband away is making false abuse allegations against the father.
And lest we forget things like the cutting up of male infants’ genitals by forcefully cutting off half of the penile tissue is not conducive to a male being someone who wants to stick around, or has healthy relationships later in life. And also when it comes to healthy sexual relationships the attitude towards men if they don’t want to be forced to care for a child (despite using condoms and the fact the women often lies about being on birth control) society’s sentiments are “keep your dick in your pants”, but it’s never keep your legs closed for women and they are NEVER forced to be responsible for a child they don’t want like men are. They can abort the baby, give it up at a shelter, adoption, but if you’re a man in America and want to have sex you’re forced to be the father if the women chooses to sabotage you or the condom breaks.
Women and feminism brought this on themselves. The hell if I ever get married.
*by forced fatherhood I mean that the father is responsible for the baby financially often when now even being allow visitation rights and other times when the child isn’t even his child when a woman is never forced to be responsible for a child she doesn’t want*
My dad was definitely there. Overprotective and annoying, but I think that is probably better than having a dad that doesn’t/didn’t care.
My dad was my hero and I worshiped him! He was there for me right up until his death almost 16 years ago.
@light_blue_fables - Nope, like @iones_island said, nobody here but us penguins
my dad’s always been in my life, but only because he’s solely dependent on my mom. he helped out financially when we were little, but didn’t do much else, and contributes next to nothing now. he could’ve left years ago and I know for sure my entire family would be better off because of it.
Yes, my dad was there and still is
He’s kind of a quiet and quirky guy, so he’s not always really talkative, but I’ve never doubted his love for me and he always provided well for our family.
Still decent men out there? I was one of the fortunate girls to meet such a high-quality guy at a fairly young age (18) and kept him.
But I do believe there are single men out there still that are worth marrying – you’ll have to look closely and keep your panties on to determine who wants *you* and who just wants sex… but I think they’re out there.
@light_blue_fables - I’d wager that he thinks he’s the lucky one.
Funny how that works.
@xtruthofmyyouthx - The UK did a study in 2004 with about 5000 women and found that nearly half (42%) of the women surveyed would lie about birth control in order to get pregnant.
LINK
@QuantumStorm - males are useless, but I still think it’s wrong that they have to pay for babies they don’t want. They should have the option of forcing the female to get an abortion. Once the kid is here, however, he is responsible for it.
Yeah, I knew a lot of people at one place I worked that did that. They are now welfare queens living boring lives of agony, their youth used up. Retarded in action. They have paid.
I was Daddy’s darling, part girl-but all tom boy. Mother would dress me in exquisite clothes, the kind that a princess might wear but first chance I got I would be climbing trees and fishing. Mother didn’t like “boy” things: fishing, hiking, not really picnics, no sports interested her. So when Daddy could be with me, he was. Mother, being emotionally ill since before I was born, would go into deep depressions, suicidal at times, and I was put on a shelf like a toy that could be played with another day. Mental and emotional illnesses were just beginning to be treated in a contemporary manner, so I spent hours “being a good girl” alone in doctors office and hospital waiting rooms. I could depend on 9 months out of the year on that imaginary shelf. So I really can’t say he was good or bad, he just WAS. He died of a heart attack when I was 20.
@Colorsofthenight - @QuantumStorm - I’ve always said that as soon as there is a male birth control other than condoms and vasectomy I’m getting it. Trust nobody *looks around suspiciously*
My dad has always been around but my daughter’s dad is on the other side of the country. He has been gone most of her life and now she sees him once or twice a year.
@xtruthofmyyouthx - I agree with almost everything you said, including that circumcision is unnecessary, but I don’t see how circumcision could ever contribute to a male not wanting to stick around..? I mean, I’m sure a male, whether he’s circumcised or not, is willing or unwilling to stick around based on several other factors.
I was raised by my mother only, but my parents seperated when I was a baby so I don’t know it any other way.
I was raised by my mother only, but my parents seperated when I was a baby so I don’t know it any other way.
My parents are still married, 38+ years later. Amazing.
Yes, I am very fortunate in that way to not deal with daddy issues. My dad loves me very much. That’s sad about the statistics though.
My father’s desire to be a part of our life did not match the level of destruction my mother would create within our family to convince us that he wanted no part of our lives… of course things are very different now.
fathers are dropping out for now..but it is a trend..they will come back as everything comes back with time…
Yes, he was very present for me. He was present when he put me in a coma for six weeks when I was three years old. He continued to be present for me in that way until I was 16 and finally had enough and took a baseball bat to him.
@light_blue_fables - Oh we are still here…some men have to be single their whole lives because of disabilities…
Yes, he was.
My son, however, has never met his biological father. It is my hope that when he grows up and someone asks him this question, he still says “Yes.” My husband is an amazing father.
I was blessed to have a great father. He still is a great father and grandfather.
he was not always present. when he was, he was an abusive asshole. however, through all of the pain endured at his hands, i am thankful for the strength and courage i gained. a silver lining exists in every experience, if you look for it. :)
My father was very much present. We’re two very different people (even though examining either of our senses of humor would tell you we do share DNA), but I am very glad to have him in my life.
@xDark_horizonx - RISUG. Look into it.
A dad doesn’t necessarily provide a lot of money towards the family. Nor does a dad need to be always a menacing figure. A lot of dads are counterpoint to the mothers. At other times they are a united front as parents. All those kids who turned out OK are also lucky. Society needs well adjusted kids.
My father, though present, wasn’t much of a presence in my life. He was there, though, and I knew he loved me. However, with the kids he and my mom have adopted, I have seen him become slightly more involved… And I am happy for him, and happy for them.
Seeing my dad get a second chance to truly be a daddy has been great. I’m sad I missed out on it growing up, but I’m happy someone gets to experience it. 
My kids live without a father but there’s not much need of one as they have plenty of male role models as we live in community and have a strong familar structure…My dad has been present my whole life, he’s an amazing dad.
Males are not naturally inclined to educate and raise a family, so it takes a very special kind of man to be a father, same way it takes a very special kind of women to be a mother, parenthood isn’t for everyone this days, selfishness isn’t good for parenting so I think it’s far better to raise my kids surrounded by loving, caring men from my family and community, than having to fight over education and values with someone else.
Single motherhood works for me, but I’m aware motherhood isn’t for everyone, and I trully mean it.
@BandoHobbit - Yep heard about that a few years back, didn’t know it was already in trial over here. Hopefully it gets through testing and approval asap.
my dad was, and is still, around. my parents divorced when i was 5 years old.
I watched my father die before my eyes when I was 7 years old.
My dad was never around and I was adopted by a horrible step-father around 8-10 years old… I am making sure I am around my 4 kids though. Never a moment without them… except for work.
Nope! I’m trying not to be like him.