January 2, 2013
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Opposite Sex Sleepovers
My parents rule was that I could never have the opposite sex sleepover.
Even if the girl was just friends, she was not allowed to sleepover. I had three sisters so there were a few workarounds to this rule.Nothing could take place because they were just friends.At what age is it appropriate to have the opposite sex sleepover?
Comments (58)
your son is gay, dan; don’t worry about it.
From a parents point of view, probably 18+ and younger than 12… only because I question why anyone would be having an opposite sex sleepover during the years where opposite sex sleepovers could possible be a concern anyhow. Late movie night? Just really good friends?
From my point of view, all and any age. Put some trust in your kid. If you’ve taught them well then there should be absolutely no issue. If you have just a little inkling of worry then just don’t let your kid and friend have any privacy.
when they’re old enough to pay rent
I would say when old enough to move out. Kids do mess around younger and younger (I started getting curious way before 12), and when you start letting it happen early and they get used to it, its hard to take it away later. And when they are older I really don’t want to provide the environment for unplanned grandkids.
My little sister is 15 now but for years she’s been sleeping over with her friend’s house. She’s good friends with all of the kids there, one is a girl, the other two are guys her age (one gay).
24 months or younger. These days its hard to know when kids know…ya know?
After I started driving my parents were more ok with me staying at my guy friends. They’d rather me stay than be out late at night on the road, and they trusted me and my friends.
My senior year of HS I was allowed to stay at guys houses who were friends. If we were dating I wasn’t allowed to stay over, hence the “I’m staying over at my girl friends house” excuse aka I’m actually at my boyfriends. Almost got caught once. God my mother should have sent me to a convent…
I think I was probably 16 when my boyfriend started sleeping over. His parents didn’t mind if he stayed over but he thought they wouldn’t have let me sleep over there. He definitely felt like a part of the family, my parents liked him a lot. We’d stay up late watching movies and then cuddle up. They also asked him to stay a few times if it was really snowy or icy out because they didn’t want him to drive. After a few years dating his parents loosened up and I was able to sleep over with him too.
When you are old enough to have/pay for your own house or apartment and make your own rules. It’s hard enough as a parent to watch my son go out on dates having fun when I have to work to pay for the household expenses, including his food and gas money, but to know he and some young chica are in the next room canoodling in the same bed? Um, No Thanks. Plus, tho I want to be a grandmother someday, I’d rather it be when he is ready and can afford it himself, and hopefully married.
I would allow it at any age.
When they move out.. or maybe if they are out of highschool and have a job.
“IF” I ever have kids I would trust them implicitly (trust my methods for bringing my children up). BUT I wouldn’t trust any other kid so I wouldn’t until I knew they could look after themselves physically and emotionally. Hence I guess when they felt like moving out (wouldn’t limit that to 18+ either). I have seen some of the shit kids get up to when they know whats the right thing to do but peers fuck them in the head.
I really don’t know. I think it depends on the kids involved.
You know, I have trouble with this. I have known several girls who have gotten pregnant when their parents *allowed* the boyfriends to spend the night on a regular basis, versus those parents who didn’t allow this. I definitely think there is a correlation. Of course, significant others in general I would think could be problematic, but then how do you, as a parent, separate who is a friend, who is a significant other, and who is a “want to be more than friends” friend. I want to say not until they turn 18 and are an “adult”.
That being said, I often spent the night at male friends houses and vice versa. Usually we were just up late, someone laid down, and we fell asleep. There was maybe only one occasion when it was even sort of planned. My parents kind of had a problem with it, but only kind of, and the reason for that is because I was a good kid. I’ve never had sex, and the people who slept over were always very respectful and only friends.
Its a tough one.
My best friend was gay through middle and high school, and so my mom never had an issue with him. Then when I was 16 and started going to a school over an hour in commute time and dating someone there, she didn’t mind if I stayed over so I didn’t have to bother with the drive.
When you are on your own and paying all your own bills!
Of course once 18, you can go out and do whatever you want.
Doesn’t mean you get to bring it home!
I don’t know. I never had a sleepover before, let alone one with another gender being present. Honestly, I would not even trust me sleeping in the same area as the opposite sex with out parental supervision. I don’t think I would have the correct amount of self control to stop myself from doing stupid, and I tend to be really appealing to women in several ways.
So i don’t exactly have an answer for this one. I remember in 6th grade that people were talking about sex and other crap like that. I was 11 then I think.
You just need to learn HOW to bend the rules. Simple.
I’m a lesbian. I wonder if it now makes my parents rethink their decision to not have boys sleep over when I was young. Hm. But I think either sex should be allowed to have sleep overs when young, possibly changing when they get to that hormonal, experimental stage, and then 16-18+ whatever. If sex is going to happen, it’s going to happen.
It’s part trust and part of your belief system. In 2013, we should focus more on trust.
I never have allowed it even now I don’t and my daughter is 37 the reason why is I just don’t want anyone else male or female camping out here unless it is my own kid and I am hoping my own kid can get ahead of her bills and move into her own place yes I am a push over when it comes to my own kids if they are in trouble I welcome them back until they are on their feet again
According to my old school Asian parents..never. Sleepovers are never allowed. My sisters and I were not allowed to sleep over friends who are girls’ houses. Not even over female relatives’ homes. Something about sleeping out or having people sleeping over ruins your image and reputation. -_-* lol
I wouldn’t mind if my son knew how to socialize with girls. I wouldn’t want him to act like some uneducated, square headed hood-rat that is so socially retarded that all they do is scream at girls from passing girls because they don’t know how to talk to them.
There is a difference between lack of trusting your kid, and offering needed guidance for your kid. At a certain age you must trust them to make their own decisions, of course. But it is unwise to equate guidance when they are younger to purely not trusting them.
It would depend on the kid. Different kids are different.
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I would say 18+.thats the time when they understand the opposite sex a little more
I don’t this is necessarily an age question.
Haha my dad would flip…
I would say never, but my parents did let me go to a multi-friend sleepover; however, it was all friends from church and some adult guardian or parent was in the back in their room all night, so there was no funny business. I think never is a general rule, but I may let my kid if they are an older teenager and I have information (and can trust them). If, your teenager is lying to you, that really isn’t your fault and well, it will mean next time you simply wont trust your kids when they say there will be someone or no funny business is going on.
Also in college, I was in a singing group and the homes or churches we stayed at, well all just slept o the floor… but again, I think it can depend on the situation and person, plus.. well, by that time I was in college.
The only person who slept over was my best friend when I was about eight, it was my birthday went to football with my dad, my best lived over the other side of the city where I live.
I have never had proper sleepover
The right age appropriate to have the opposite sex sleepover is when you find yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend when you are age 20 and above.
I think when my next ex- door neighbour their son had a sleepover camping whether it was opposite sex sleepover I don’t know.
I was never allowed to have sleep overs with the opposite sex, and now being a mother of a 3 year old girl, I understand. She will not be allowed to have sleepovers with boys for as long as she’s under my roof.
i don’t feel its appropriate to have a child under 18 entertaining members of the opposite sex in their bedroom, let alone sleeping over. whether or not anything would happen isn’t even a question that way, and it also prevents rumors. over 18, well, i guess it would depend on the longevity of the relationship.
Well I never had friends of the opposite sex sleepover . . . . ever . . . at least while I was under my parents roof.
I would agree with @AlwaysNaturalon the sleepover rules for my children . . . when we have them.
Maybe it’s just me but I’m semi-appalled at some of the answers to this question. The first serious boyfriend I ever had was during my freshman year of college. Let’s take a moment and remember this beautiful half-Korean, half-Irish man. Mmmm yessss… tall, dark and handsome and on track to commission into the Air Force as an officer. He was beautiful. Anyways, one holiday season I asked my mom if he could come stay at the house for a few nights before he went home to San Antonio. My mom said sure, so long as he sleeps in a different room/bed…! Apparently same sex sleepovers aren’t acceptable at 19 years old. Over the years I learned my parent’s rules, if married (which my brother has been) then they sleep in the same room. If not married, separate rooms. I tend to believe this was more of a respect thing than anything else. My parents are not stupid. I understand we live in a different world now… but if I had kids and I had to list an age? I’d say at least 21 years, maybe even 25 years old.
Or maybe I’ll go all old school and say, once you’re married you can sleep in the same room. hah.
i must be the odd one out, because opposite-sex sleepovers were never an issue for me as a teen. then again, i was 100% open with my mom about my sex life. she knew i was on birth control and that my then-SO and i used condoms. she was fine with letting him spend the night. i also used to crash at the houses of guy friends all the time.
i also find it rather narrow-minded that everyone is concerned about opposite-sex sleepovers. if your child is homosexual or bisexual, same-sex sleepovers should be your concern.
@light_blue_fables - Again with the long lost sisters thing…..my momma said the same. Lol.
Beats me. My best friends had always been guys up until college, so I never really had a rule like this for me at my house. Never really thought about it. Guess my family knew they didn’t have to worry about the opposite gender thing with me. o.O? Haha. But yeah. My best friend from elementary to high school was always allowed over, even up into high school. He’s one of the few friends who I ever invited over to spend the night. I miss him. The him I remember, anyways. Since he got into college, he’s gone through some major life changes, to say the least. But I still miss the old him.
He was like a brother to me. We dated for about a year back in middle school… When we broke up, we committed to remaining best friends, and did such until we graduated high school. Since then, though, he has distanced himself for his own reasons. And again… I miss him. 
@willjogforicecream - I just realized I wrote “same sex” sleepovers in my comment and I can’t go edit it. Great. What a horrible typographical error. IT SHOULD SAY “OPPOSITE”.
@light_blue_fables - Lol. I didn’t even notice.
At the age of married.
um, 18+. that was always the rule at my house.
Never seemed to matter with my parents – they knew all the kids that I hung out with (boys and girls) and there were always parents home when we had sleepovers anyways.
My mom raised my brother and I to be pretty good adults. We were allowed to be independent and express our opinions but respect was a big deal. I think he and I are fairly well adjusted adults. We never got into any trouble as kids and we got good grades, blah, blah, blah. However, being that we are human beings…being alone with a bf/gf no matter how you are raised, you still are going to have those desires. I made a choice to wait until I found a man I loved and was mature enough to have a kid (i was scared to death of being pregnant and in high school. MTV hadn’t made it cool yet). My friends gave me crap about being a virgin until I was 20 BUT I completed school, had my own place, and have basically taken care of my expenses since I was 18. Now I’m married and feel pretty good about those choices. Minus the student loans of course lol
Every parent can do it how they see fit but from my own personal experience, once my kid is an adult (18 by law) and on their own, they can do as they please. I won’t be allowing anyone to spend the night of the opposite sex. I was 16 once, I know how easy it is to get away with such things. Haha
That being said, if a kid wants to have sex it’s gonna happen. They’ll find a way. I just hope I raise my kids to respect themselves and others. You can’t do any more than that. Or perhaps buy a darn good chastity belt
I rememeber certain occasions when close family friends would have me over night. they had 3 boys and no girls. but honestly, nothing every happened. I didn’t sleep over in their room or anything. And the oldest was eventually and on and off, my boyfriend. The second child was my younger brothers best friend. I also went on a weekend stay with their family out of town. I think it depends on the kid, the other kid and the circumstances.
Before the teen years…. its iffy…. during teen year, almost totally will be a NO. And as an adult, never until married.
Hmm… No opinion on this one. I am a mother of girls, and I didn’t let them have opposite sex sleepovers. That doesn’t mean they didn’t have them at other people’s homes. When it comes to parenting, I realize I am no expert. I only raised them once, and I am not sure where all I went wrong and where I went right.
@xDark_horizonx -
I agree to the fullest it’s the safe side and more comfortable that way.
I’ve never slept over at a non-relative’s house so yeah I don’t know where my mom stands. My best friend in high school who is a girl told me that her mom said it was okay for me to sleep over whenever I wanted to because I’m gay XD. As far as my own kids go…idk. If I’m open with my kids about sex and stuff like that I think 16 or so would be fine. It really depends on the kid though moreso on the parents if you ask me. If you don’t think your child would be able to be responsible with an opposite sex friend spending the night then you obviously don’t let that happen. But it’s a bit narrow-minded to think the only thing you have to worry about is an opposite sex friend like your child being gay or bisexual is not a possibility.
my 18 year old, who still lives at home, asked me if her male friend could stay the night. i told her no. she said “he’s gay” and i said “i know, but the answer is still no”.
if she wants to have sex with her boyfriend, i’m sure it’ll happen (hey, i was a teenager once, too), but it damned well won’t happen under my roof while i’m home. *shudder*
I always slept over at my guy friend’s houses. Starting in early elementary school up until now. My parents never gave a shit where I went or who came over.
I’ll let my kids do the same. And as long as they’re on birth control/using condoms, boyfriends and girlfriends can sleep over as well. Sex is going to happen either way, they might as well not get busted for indecent exposure trying to have sex in a car.
We were pretty liberal, and our kids had lots of friends of the opposite sex sleep over.
When you have your own place!
heck the daughters 18 so i dont have a prob with it. well… that and the fact that both she and i know i would probably kill the boy first but…instincts dont cha know… so right age? probably when that Da instinct dies out and she and i both dont know when if ever that will happen but no i dont have a problem with it…
When the clergy has said: ”I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride”
As I read these, I was looking at the reasons why opposite-sex sleepovers weren’t being allowed. While I saw at least one was due to social status, the rest were seemingly due to the children’s potential reproductive capabilities kicking in. Are there any parents on here that prevented the sleepovers merely to discourage any kind of intimacy? Of course, if that’s the case, are there any parents that discouraged same-sex sleepovers because of the fact they knew their child is gay or lesbian and didn’t want any imitate moments happening in their household depsite the fact pregnancy won’t necessarily be an issue?
P.S. I know this is about opposite sex sleepovers, but I am curious.
When you get married.
For my boys… like the above post, when they can pay rent.