Among my best friends on this earth is a 75 year old black woman who looks 50, and I have learned from her and the sons for whom she scrubbed toilets to give them the best education possible that black community women are well involved in why there is a gap in available black men.  I have learned that women of many races take black men to intolerable places in their minds where bitterness is rampant, for from gangs, to drugs, to women, a black man is seen as King if he is providing money, but otherwise one black male may father three families, then have to return to his mother for rent money the very next day.

I am a white Alabama born woman who wishes that I could be an advocate for black men.  Most are raised without strong male figures in their homes,  and even with good mothers, they have no example of how to deal with women of their own race, and this good black mother has shared with me that more and more black women, after the baby years are deciding that making love with black women, but having black men pay the bills is an easier option.

She has made me feel so sorry for most black men in segregated areas, because they appear to be tagged at boyhood as useless.  Many are born to crack or other addicted mothers, so now little black boys often are LD and anxiety laden from the beginning; So who will want these boys as partners outside of gang land.  This mother has shown me that the best raised black men are lured toward early fatherhood, and if they had confidence early on, then soon they are trapped in the Dad cycle.

We white folks did not ask for segregated communities, but forced integration was not working, so before talking about dating black men, then we may need to ask ourselves how do we help communities of black men know that something in them deserves better than what they are receiving throughout this country.  Perhaps this mother and friend has biased my opinion, but in the average community of black men right now at this time in our history — If they can be loved by anyone, then they have usually walked through the fires of hell to get there. 

Bill Cosby was a great and important influence and the last decent family show for black families to learn life moving on in a modern age.  He has shown ultimate disgust in what has happened since the 1980a — Black on black crime tripled, AIDS, Crack, Meth, The Posies in swank drug cars, guns, violence, terrorized neighborhoods, and watch a show on television and if black men are the stars, then they are supposed to make you laugh until you wet your pants. And that rap is still the music of poor blacks means the ability to enjoy music for a peaceful and loving message died with black men’s confidence.

Answer why this has happened, and you should wind a Noble Peace Prize.

Barbara Everett Heintz, Author, “Pinkhoneysuckle,” Amazon, Kindle, Create Space