March 5, 2013
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Would You Abort This Child?
A woman became a surrogate mother for a couple. The woman got pregnant and the child had “fetal abnormalities.”
The surrogate mother wanted to keep the baby and the couple wanted her to abort.The unborn baby had a1. Cleft Palate and Lip2. Brain Cyst3. Serious Heart Defects4. A 50% chance she won’t be able to walk or talkHere is the link: LinkWould you abort this unborn baby?
Comments (97)
No. Not a chance in hell I would.
Yes, because it’s different and diversity is terrifying.
@ShimmerBodyCream - Hail, Hydra!
No I don’t think I’d ever have an abortion. But if she chose to I’d respect it.
Personally, yes. I would never be able to support a child like that financially and it seems like the chances of finding adoptive parents for it would be pretty low.
Reason #4,582 why I will never have a child.
Personally, and maybe this is proof that I should NEVER have children, but I would. If my parents knew before I was born that I would have an extremely poor quality of life, my unborn self would not want to live a life like that. If this paticular child is going to get the care it needs, then by all means it’s being raised by a wonderful person, and good for it.
Yep. Without second thought.
Nope. I’m trying to wipe my kind off the planet.
I don’t want to play this game anymore. I’m not dying because I have things to do.
Diversity? You must be joking. Find the exception and shove him off the cliff.
They could fix us all, but they won’t.
Yes.
Yes, in a heart beat. I’d never wish a life like that on a child. I’d have no interest in keeping it, and who honestly is going to adopt a child like that? IMO people who choose to knowingly have children with severe defects are selfish. My own family included, selfish idiots.
Of course not.
If they want to abort, kill the parentals; we don’t need their shitty genes for procreation either.
Kill the surrogate mother with selfish intentions (“hurr durr i’ll abort it for 15 000 but you gave me 10 000, jakes on you”)
Kill them all.
No I wouldn’t. Just because the child would have a hard life does not mean it would be a bad one. There are so many people out there with disabilities and life threatening illnesses, but some of those people surpass that and rise to the top. Some of those people end up being the most wonderful human beings on the planet, and who am I to make judgements on someone that hasn’t even had the chance to fight for a life that can be rightfully their’s?
What would be left in this world if we killed off every imperfect thing?
I’m not even a doctor, so , no.
Yes, i would feel horrible if i kept the child. To know that the child would suffer because it possibly could walk and it would have heart problems and so many other things, there is no way i would want anyone to suffer something like that and if i knew I could prevent suffering i would.
Yes because I wouldn’t want the child to suffer through life with those abnormalities and disabilities. Her movements and activities will be restricted and her life isolated, so why do something inhumane just so I can selfishly keep the child on pretentious reasons?! I think it would be more humane to not let the child lead a life of suffering that he/she will eventually blame you bringing upon them. Not to mention, the world is in shat now, I don’t think it is wise to bring any child into this world at the moment.
yes.
You know, that’s a tough one (and I think it should be a tough one).
While I’m pro-choice, I haven’t been able to declare that I, myself, would have an abortion. So, I’m torn, but logic tells me yes. The quality of life for a child with these issues would be very low.
Sometimes the least selfish thing to do may be to abort. I’d rather hope I’m never in this situation than judge someone who would bring a child into this world who would need so many surgeries or judge someone who would not. Isn’t really a black-and-white issue here.
I understand why people wouldn’t, but personally, I would. I’m pro-choice. I don’t want to bring a disabled child into this world, and that’s my decision to make.
absolutely. forget the medical issues. the surrogate signed a contract saying the biological parents could have her terminate at any time. if she’s not willing to follow the agreement, she shouldn’t be a surrogate.
After reading the actual article, none of that makes sense. She was a surrogate mother, and already a single mother to other children. She went against the wishes of the family that was paying her to carry the baby. She fought for the baby. Then, after the baby was born, and it was revealed that the problems were much worse than you listed in your post, she gave the baby up for adoption to someone else entirely. That’s not fair to that child. The only humane thing to do would have been abortion. Organs in the wrong places? Brain hemispheres not separating or developed? That’s going to be a short, painful life.
If it were my child, yes. I also find it a little convenient that the surrogate, who fought so hard to carry to term, is not even the one raising the special needs child. She never would have been. It’s easy to be “brave” and do what you claim to be the moral thing, when you don’t have to deal with the consequences.
@nihaokeisha - With the laundry list of problems this child has, it is nearly impossible for this child to have anything close to a decent life. I peg her having a bad life as generous. She will only know a life of pain and suffering (at great financial cost to her adoptive parents), but at least it will most likely be short.
Absolutely.
And anybody who says no is, prima facie, an unfit parent.
Hell yes I would. What kind of quality of life is that..
Absolutely. To condemn an unborn child to a life of misery and pain, especially when the likelihood of finding a permanent loving family is slim to none, is a travesty against our society.
I mean absolutely no offence by this, but if you pro-lifers believe so adamantly in your perspective, than I suggest that you either adopt the child yourself or help find a loving family. It is always easy to chastise those who have to make hard decisions when you’re not in their shoes. To know that a child has a 25 percent chance of living a normal life? After all the medical bills? And who’s making these odds of success?
…com’on.
Well, once the surrogate mother signed on the dotted line to carry the child for this couple, she pretty much agreed to whatever the parents wished. It is not her child, I don’t feel she had the right to choose to continue the pregnancy. Personally, I do help others when I can, but I don’t think I’d be generous enough to loan out my womb, except under very special circumstances, maybe for my best friend. Plus, I am not a huge fan of abortions, so knowing that I wouldn’t have become a surrogate in the first place because that is a possible outcome.
Yes without a second thought.
I remember when Henry died. That doesn’t mean a thing to anyone else, but I remember him. I see some of the anonymous comments on sites like the Huffington Post and ESPN and it makes me wish that there were more Henrys in the world and a few less “CrosbySucks69″s.
I would that would be cruel to the child to let it live like that.
cleft lip is fixable.
Frankly, I have had doctors tell me things my entire life that were “wrong.” … so no.
YES I WOULD ABORT SEEMS LIKE A STRANGE QUESTION TO ASK!
this was a business agreement and a contract was signed by both parties and each knew what was in the contract. it was not her child. she did not honor the contract even after she was offered more $$. forget all the emotions and stick to the facts. she should have honored the contract. if she could not abide by the contract, then she should not have considered doing this. but then maybe it was her plan all along to keep the child???
All I can say is that couple will not make very good loving parents.That’s just so sad that any parent would look at their unborn child that way.Tears my heart out.
My husband was a twin and the twin died in utero. He was born early because of this and not fully developed. He has many health problems and organs in the wrong places and I am so glad that his mother didn’t abort him. Things are hard sometimes but he is just like every other human being. He just wants to live a good life and be happy. He has also made me the happiest I have ever been and if it wasn’t for him I have no idea where I would be. Because of his disabilities and experience with pain he understands just how bad things are for me and my migraines. He knows how to handle it without being overwhelmed and he knows ways to help me feel better. I’ve never been with anyone else who understood me the way he does. Because of that I would not abort the baby. My life would be considerably worse if his mother had aborted.
Never. Every life is precious and has a purpose in this world.
I’m finding it difficult to believe the majority of the answers. Seems nobody wants a deformed child. The world is not perfect. Keeping an imperfect baby from being born, is not going to help. If anything, raising a child in that manner, would make the parent(s) stronger. And they should consider any child a Blessing.
NO!!! abortion is murder. it stops an innocent beating heart.
@WithTheBirdIShare - My brother who has almost a Neandethal Face and who is so old at 60 has a wonderful home, and he did not have to move far from all that he knows. He is 60 now, but he suffered as a child, and I hope his pain center is just warped. I cannot imagine a life without him, and I wonder if he would have helped the family, since we needed so much another male farm child when he was born.
I would have aborted nothing, for I thought of it once, and laying the truth before me, I am far to educated to believe in that just, “A Clump of Cells,” for everything happens so fast that cell division brings first the beating heart, and next — the neurological center; It is not my Catholic belief operative here, butt it is my belief that you make a little baby, a miracle in itself, and if it is unique with problems; Twenty years from now body parts are going to be grown in the lab, and the lip is an easy fix. I would have kept that baby, loved it from its little face down to his toes, and I would accept help whenever I could get it.
Are any of you just absolutely blown away that a sperm pierces a cell and within 9 months you have a whole baby. We were not guaranteed a healthy baby, nor are we guaranteed that we will not feel a little ackward when people give us that, “What should we say look,” One needs to respect and say they are beautiful, with a hard road ahead, so how can we help?
Honestly, yes. Although it really pains me to say it, because abortion is never something that should be taken lightly. If it were just a physical aspect, then no because it’s just aesthetics, and it can be fixed, so it doesn’t really affect your quality of life, at least not for long. But I would feel terrible putting a child in an awful position because I was selfish and wanted the baby. This baby will have to live with the heart defects, and might not be able to walk or talk. Not the mother.
Not saying she’s selfish for wanting to keep the baby, but for me personally it would be selfish, because I would only want to keep it because I wanted a baby.
The main lesson to learn is for contracts to contain every possibility. I doubt if a surrogate can be forced to abort though.
I am a believer in pro choice. I would never tell anybody to have a child they didn’t want. However, I nearly had an abortion with my last child. Not for health reasons, but because she was the result of a fling, I was young and in the middle of college, I couldn’t afford her and I didn’t want another child. I waffled until I didn’t have a choice but to keep her. I fell madly in love with her, as mothers do. She became very ill when she was 4 and died when she was 7. I went bankrupt with the medical expenses. And I wouldn’t be half the person I am today had I never had her in my life. All logic and good reasoning pointed to terminating the pregnancy, and everything good in my life came from knowing her.
Oh yeah – my mother became pregnant at 17. She went to the clinic for an abortion in the seventies. It somehow failed, and I am here today despite her best efforts
I am sure there were many days that she wished it would have worked, though!
Its a wee bit hard to say you should have killed the baby, while looking a picture of her with her mother
@BoulderChristina - Now that is a story that you would think your parents would have hidden. “Kid you are not only an accident, but we tried to kill you and failed’ And I have always loved you too mom…props to them for honesty
@trunthepaige - Ha! Maybe that’s whats wrong with me… Brutal honesty from the get go!
What I find amazing are the pople here who think a contract has the power to force a woman to kill a baby. No law in the USA has such power. Some here have ice cubes for hearts, they are soulless. The funny thing is I would bet these same peopl would talk about a it being a woman’s body, she can do with it what she wants. So long as she kills the baby when she is told to. A little rule of law, you can not sign away a civil right by contract
@BoulderChristina - I am not criticizing your mother, she was only 17 years old. Honestly really is the best thing
@trunthepaige - No, I didn’t think you were at all. It’s always been a funny story, one that used to get told all the time. It’s strange that I never seemed to take it personally? Maybe that really is an indicator that something is f-ed up with me!
@BoulderChristina - it just means they never thought you take it as YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!
@saintvi - A perfect world?
@coolmonkey - An empty world.
@nihaokeisha - I agree with you wholeheartedly. What’s more–I think it is the coward’s way out to abort a child just because he would face challenges other children wouldn’t.
I absolutely would not abort this child. No person has a right to take away another’s right to life, just because they think it wouldn’t be a good life. Who makes the standard of a “good life”? One without health problems? One without challenges of any kind? If that is so, then half of us should have been aborted. Most likely, the person imposing this standard should have been aborted. It is an arbitrary and selfish standard. Anyone who would kill a child because of the difficulty it would bring them is an unfit parent.
I would let her have the baby if she wanted it if I were the couple but wont’ the baby be half of the couple or all of the couple ? did the baby have the physical mom’s genes?
@lightswillgodown - It is appears the child had no problem finding adoptive parents.
@coolmonkey - I’ve known people with similar or worse medical conditions whose lives are full of joy, in spite of their challenges. They have parents and friends who love them, and they have meaning in their life. They are happy. Who are you to say that someone with this many medical conditions will automatically have a bad life? You don’t know what you’re talking about.
Never. This child can still love and be loved. I work in a school for people with non-verbal students and students that can’t walk. Putting a child out of their misery as if they were an animal without a soul is not a concept we should embrace.
I would definately would have wanted to be aborted if I was this baby. It would be pretty selfish to want put such a burden on ones parents and society.
Nope. It would never even cross my mind. I would try to give the baby the best possible life for as long as she was here.
@Pure_Taint -
So do you support eugenics?
wow, some terribly sad comments here. reminds me of what i read about hitler and the attempt for a pure race.
i like how the new wording is for murdering babies – “parents may want to make sure to find a carrier who would be willing to undergo selective reduction in the case of triplets.” selective reduction…. my oh my how we dump the sugar on our evil and selfish behaviors.
No I would not.
~Adds many precious people to her prayer list~
The action by this woman has deeper repercussions to those people looking to have children via a surrogate. I think many will forgo this type of way to have their own children. No I don’t have ice for blood but only when we can look at things without the high emotions involved, can we make rational decisions.
I don’t think anything less for those who say they would keep the child nor any different to those that say they would abort. I am not living their life. But this woman agreed to carry this child for the parents and under the wishes of those parents. This was not her child and she was making a decision about someone that was not hers, yes I know she was caring for the child, but the wishes of the parents were not breaking any laws yet she chose to possible break laws by her actions (did she kidnap this child?) and put at risk any current and future surrogate pregnancies.
@PinkHoneysuckle - Not sure why you’re singling me out, since there are many others that said they would abort. Also not sure how one can be so very educated, as you claim to be, and yet lack basic grammar skills. Thanks for your unwarranted lecture, though.
I must point out, however, that the question asked was, ”Would you abort this unborn baby?”
This is what we call an ‘opinion question’. It means the correct answer can be different, relative to who is answering it.
As I said, if it was my child, I would abort. It’s true; I would. If it had been your child, you wouldn’t. This is also a true answer. So singling out myself, or anyone else who commented, for saying something that is true seems a little ridiculous, don’t you think?
So many people in the comments are referring to the baby as an “it.”
If parents were on crack and a baby was born to a mother on crack how many would want to abort a baby that was a crackbaby? Instead the government passed a law allowing the government to take away the mother’s right to have a baby if she continued using crack.
That example is how far the government can interfere with babies. The Pro choice folks can only advise mothers but the right of a mother to choose has its limits too.
Many states have passed laws limiting abortions. Some states ban late term abortion and I don’t think birth defects would give a woman a choice of abortion if her child has birth defects. It is a catch 22, you can’t determine the birth defects until late pregnancy and you can’t abort a late term baby.
I feel for woman who miscarriage but they should not feel guilty for murder of their babies. But that contradiction is applied to abortion of viable babies. Are women who have abortions commiting premeditated murder or is it a device for pro Life folks to make folks to feel guilty about abortions?
Basically no one by law can be arrested for abortion due to a murder charge ( but “accidents” killing the babies in pregnant women has been listed as murder). Ethically this issue is a tough nut to decide.
I definitely would. Both parties are at fault — I think that abortion should have been discussed before finalizing the surrogate mother.
No n I would nature take its course like it does with all of us… How can you not offer love to someone so little and in need of it….
Weird thing is I’ve been asked to be a surrogate mother..
I think people saying if you’d keep the baby it’s selfish is sickening. Everyone has different ways to view things. Because I would choose not to abort does NOT make me selfish. It might sound crazy…but it’s not up to me to play God…and decide who’s life should be over and when. Every life has a purpose and a meaning. And you NEVER KNOW how they can grow up. A child is supposed to be your blessing. I couldn’t undo gods plan like that. If you don’t believe in god? That’s fine. I do. And that’s far from selfish.
No.
@essien - No, that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms. I’m a Libertarian and forcing someone to abort is JUST as bad as forcing someone to keep the pregnancy. It is my opinion however, that they should be aborted in severe cases of defects/terminal illnesses etc. That child will never be able to truly connect with the parents or the world around it. It will never be a productive member of society, instead it’ll just be a drain on already failing resources.
Unless you’re a millionaire who’s totally willing to care for that child, you really need to think about your decisions.
@WithTheBirdIShare - bad grammar and typos are ok and to point them out to weaken someone or their arguments is no longer in fashion…”its the content that counts”…
not sure. i don’t know enough about the situation. is the child in constant pain? if the child’s quality of life will be that of misery, then abortion would be the humane thing to do.
but everyone is different, and most importantly, it’s not my place to make these choices for other people.
3 points:
1. I have never really cared much what is in fashion.
2. If I have to read more than one of someone’s, so-called, “sentences” multiple times just to understand the content, then I would have to disagree that it is “ok”. Especially when that person is trying to make a point that they are an educated individual.
3. The minute this person decided to single me out as someone to pick on, as it were, they opened themselves up to have me fire back in whatever way I see fit. You, on the other hand, were not called out by either of us, so I fail to see how this is any of your concern.
@WithTheBirdIShare - Quite honestly, I was not singling you out at all. It was 2AM here on the West Coast — At least, very late, and my blogging at night is an effort usually to get tired and to sleep. I was endeavoring to respond to the person who asked the question, our Theologian who gets hundreds of responses, because he is good at asking inflammatory and heart bursting questions which are difficult to let go. I would not have singled you out for the world, because I do not know you. I must have hit a nerve though, for you to attack my grammar — Another thing which I do not watch closely, for right now I am endeavoring to get used to a new Ultra Book which, for your age group seems so non-eventful that one should have not a second of grief, but I was out of school by the time any one even had a home computer, and do you know how antiquated those look now.
I deeply apologize for upsetting you, and I would have questioned you as to why you chose me but not in the same way which may be a generational thing. To ask, “Why did you choose me,” is all that was necessary, but you went on to attack my grammar as well as you must added some question of doubt about my education, and that is your privilege. It is just so raw thought, and it is unnecessary. I am not even correcting or proofing my blogs much lately, because the new ultra book seems to have this very irritating habit of knocking me out of where I am to show me where I can get the, “Greatest Car Wash,” or to, “Melt off pounds from inside,” but I know that I have done something to make this happen. I suppose I should edit more, but most people forgive me and let me get away with the grammar errors.
I have a huge stake in this issue,, since my brother is 60 years old, and his face is so deformed that a lot of people cannot look at him, and I have said the average four year old has more skills than my little brother, and we were mocked as children when we led him through town on days when we might get to have a chance to go there. People pointed, laughed, made gestures like monkeys, but I love my brother, and the need for his care kept my folks going 85 years, and they were able to die and to see him in the most beautiful home he ever had. To this day he states, “Mama come on Friday,” but Mama is gone for five years, and we have told him, but she will come one day, and she will lead him home. I would not be surprised if it is a Friday, and we sisters and brothers and some few friends will sit and cry around his funeral which Mom and Dad, poor as they were, provided for. He is my baby to this day, the brother who would have by age, been my support.
I so apologize for entering your public space, but I will give you the advice not to be too ready to jump down people’s throats if they make an error, for you are completely unaware of our burdens, our grief and our loss. I have met about four unpleasant Xanga folks in about 8 years, and I will admit that I let your tone get to me, for everything I have education, home, life itself came at such a price that I really do not like to feel sad, but when I hurt — I apologize, and I will ask if there is anything I can do to help you not presume the worst of a person’s motives. My last intention is to inflict pain. Barbara Everett Heintz
obviously?
If I was that kid I would despise my existence and especially my mother for bringing me into an already shitty unfair world with terminal defects and having the surgery room as my second home. What kind of cruel delusional selfish person would ever keep something that’s better off never being born because they don’t want a big burden on their conscience??
If you could give that child a loving life, then I bet in the next life, that child would be thankful for your kindness. I don’t think I could kill off an innocent being even if it’s not perfect. That is still murder.
no because i cant have a child and who ever is dumb enough to do this isent worth to be a parent i got a friend who was borend with a cleft lip and now she had surgery and you cant even tell she had a cleft lip.
Not an easy decision, financially speaking if I had the means to provide for this child, no.. otherwise, maybe yes. Wouldn’t have the heart to abort it anyway.
Most likely yes. This has nothing to do with pro choice or anything of that matter. This child is going to be put through hell. If being normal was enough of a struggle for us. Why not save this child from a life that is at least 10x worst than what it would be normally.
That’s no quality of life, even though I’d pro-choice I don’t know what I’d choose.
I would absolutely abort it without hesitation.
@PinkHoneysuckle - Not singling me out, and yet, you chose to hit “reply” to my comment and mine alone, when plenty of other people said they would abort in this case. Ya-darn-right, that hits a nerve. Once you hit reply to my comment, you were talking to me. Your story, and subsequent lecture, were directed at me. They were not directed at Dan, the original poster, they were directed toward me. And I responded. Now, I can’t tell, but maybe you’re saying you didn’t even mean to hit reply. If that were the case, all that needed to be said was, “Sorry, I hit the wrong button.”
I respect your passion, even if I do not agree with it. I too have deep-seeded, personal reasons for my opinions. If you notice, I was never debating your opinion against mine, even if you continue to try to do so by sharing your story about your brother over again. I don’t honestly care to change your mind. I’m not going to argue with people over Xanga. You have your opinion, awesome. I have mine, that’s awesome too.
And no, I will probably never stop presuming people have the worst of intentions. It’s much less painful to assume the worse, and be surprised, than it is to expect people to be nice, and get disappointed. I’m sorry you took it so personally.
Yes, I would.
@Pure_Taint -
Alright, but still it seems like you’re saying a parent should be able to abort a child if they deem it to be someone they don’t feel they’ll be able to deal with (along with deeming the child would have a bad life). So in theory if someone wanted a boy but found out from the ultrasound that it was a girl, would they be justified in having an abortion?
And though forced eugenics is another issue, determining who should be born based on beauty, mental capacity, or handicap is full of elements of eugenics.
@WithTheBirdIShare - I am still having technical problems getting switched from site to site, but I am endeavoring to send the message which is more fitting to what you feel comfortable with, and I owe the offended for what seemed to you like a personal attack. I am dearly sorry that I pushed the wrong buttons.
Seriously, and I appreciate your response. Blessings, Barbara
Yes. I wouldn’t want to force someone to suffer.
@essien - Yeah, when I think of eugenics I think of people being forced, or government regulations. In the cases you’re talking about, I think a woman should have the right to abort for any reason. Any reason at all.
Never.
I have mixed feelings about this. I am all about pro-choice, but it is not the choice that I would make for myself. That said, it also wasn’t her baby. I can’t decide if the decision should be hers or the birth parents.
I do find it odd that she would have been willing to do it for $15,000 after they offered $10,000 because that doesn’t seem like she was too invested in her morals if she could change her mind for an extra five grand. That fact aside, this is such an odd circumstance…. I don’t even know what I would do in her situation. I wonder what is going on with the birth parents. They have a child out there that was adopted out by someone else….yes they wanted to abort, but how would you deal with something like that? Having a stranger raise your child when you had no say in the matter.
I was born with Cleft Lip and Palate
So no I would not
There are enough elements with this child (mental and mobility) that they fall into, what my sister taught me recently, a hard lesson – called the QOL quotient. The, “Quality Of Life.”
My Dad might’ve lived a few more years with his Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, but he didn’t know who me or anyone else was and was issued Haldol by his doctor. That’s a QOL issue. If they are not coherent enough to realize what is going on around them or to, “enjoy life” you have to ask yourself – that important question.
If they WERE coherent AND could think clearly, ask yourself, would THEY wanna live like that ? It’s a hard question, choice, and decision but must be considered when the balance starts to shift … Φ ≡