September 28, 2006
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Responsibility
Have we come to a place where we put all the responsibility on how a woman dresses instead of the men and their lust?
Have we come to a place where we put all the responsibility on how a woman dresses instead of the men and their lust?
Comments (138)
i think we have. but then again, there are the women who enjoy the attention just as much as they gripe about it. in ways, women bring it on themselves - in others, they don’t. i guess that’s a terrible cop-out answer…
Yes, it’s the man’s fault! Freakin’ men!
Yes, totally. Men just have lust and it doesn’t mean anything, but if a woman wears something short, she gets yelled at and stared at by the lust-filled men.
Just kidding, and ::happy dance::!!!!!!!
responsibility goes to, now-a-days, the viewer. We have to watch our eyes and perceptions.
To some extent, yes. The girls need to clean up their wardrobes and the guys need to clean up their minds. It’s a mutual thing.
Nope
u no there was this whole controversy in colleges in india where they were banning girls from wearing skirts and capris and shorts because dressing “cheap” made them “susceptible” to rapes and molestations.
pardon my crude english, but tht shit is ridiculous.
XOXO,
cG.
Men are animals; animals I tell you!
Yep.
I think it’s both the woman’s fault and the man’s fault. Both need to be more responsible.
We all deserve some of the responsibility.
If women choose to look like whores, they can’t blame a guy for wanting to bump nasties.
We’re animals, we’re here to screw.
=p
But, men are morons as well.
No we’ve come to a place where it’s time for both genders to live responsibly … or we would come to the place, if we’d stop to ask for directions.
I think it’s an endless circle, so both are to blame.
If women didn’t dress like sluts at times, then men wouldn’t be lusting. And if men were not lusting, women wouldn’t dress like sluts.. For the women, it’s about attention and receieving unrealistic and codependant attention, and “love”. For men, they feed off of that women’s desire and are pleased by dressing that is not appropriate. The women see men are pleased, they fill somehow better about themselves, etc.. It goes on and on..
What we need to do is come to a place where we can all honor ourselves. Where women can say, “Yes.. I want to feel loved and appreciated and beautiful, but this is not the way to do it.” And men need to say, “Women are not meat, so I will not treat them, look at them, and think about them like they are.” I wonder what would happen if we all honored each other, each others eyes and lives, and lived in respect, purity and enriching relationships???
god forbid a man be actually responsible for his actions and/or incapability of controlling his actions.
I think that the blame ought to be mutual.
Girls – if you don’t want to be treated as a sex toy, then stop dressing like one.
Guys – if you wish you were treated as a more mature human being, then stop acting like one.
This shouldn’t be this complicated, people.
I think responsibility should be shared.
both parties have responsibilities.
Yes.
Guys like to see it so girls do it to get attention.
But then they look like whores and get a bad image for girls.
Girls don’t put much (if any) pressure on how sexy guys dress.
Sort of…
But guys are testosterone driven. A lot.
Yes. Chicks are allowed to be sexy. Guys have control of their brains. The Focus on the Family types act as of men are stupid 3 year olds who have no control over what they do. It is, quite frankly, insulting to men.
Usually the way I dress is just a form of expression, most likely unrelated to what others (like men) think of me.
responsibility for what? I think it’s God’s fault for not giving me an off switch whenever I get turned on by hot women.
have we come? sir, we’ve been here.
I think that if a woman has some class to herself, she will dress appropriately… but if not, and decides to dress like a slut… then its her fault. Men are men… they don’t think with their brains… now, not to say that this applies to ALL men…
man, for the longest time I didn’t understand your question because the words weren’t making sense. Stupid brain moves slow some days.
Oh, and it’s both, and neither, and your question sucks. Moderation.
wow. alota girls hate men
Correct me if I’m wrong. Madison Avenue basically = men. Ownership of ad agencies, news media, movie and video production firms basically = men. Men have been largely responsible for dictating women’s fashions. And is seems that men are doing the most bitching about how sexy women are dressing. It’s a crazy world!
It’s a shared responsibility. On the one hand, women aren’t forced to wear revealing clothing. On the other hand, some men could definitely work on not ogling. :
Yes and no. We really dress like that to gather a man’s attention but some of us take it just a little too far.
Yes. But it should be the other way around. And it’s not just women dressing provocatively. In some cultures, men obviously lust after a bare ankle or a hand. Men need to take some responsibility. If they think they’re so great, they need to step up and show everybody that they actually think with their brain and not… that other thing.
It’s a two way street.
[ariana]
Yes Yes Yes we have!! Even though both have a responsibility in that issue!
It’s everyone’s fault. But more of the men.
There should be a difference in how men think about women and girls concerning sex.If a young girl dresses provacative ,she is still a young girl.
Completely_Compelled has a good point:”If women didn’t dress like sluts at times, then men wouldn’t be lusting. And if men were not lusting, women wouldn’t dress like sluts.. For the women, it’s about attention and receieving unrealistic and codependant attention, and “love”. For men, they feed off of that women’s desire and are pleased by dressing that is not appropriate. The women see men are pleased, they fill somehow better about themselves, etc.. It goes on and on..”
No matter how a woman dresses or lack thereof a man is still responsible for his own actions.
yeah and no…………….. I mean both are to blame, women are to blame cuz sometimes certain apparel is askin for guys to look and other times its just the guys being retarted……..
also i have a really good post up come read………. and leave comments
because we live in a conservative christian country where men are gods and women are the fall of man.
Eh, don’t say it’s necessarily the woman’s fault. Instance: today, I wore a skirt that came about 3-4 inches above the knee and heels. I wore that because of how I felt like dressing. I got some stares, but then, it didn’t really bother me. However, when I wear an underarmour shirt with somewhat form-fitting sweatpants, which I do often, I get many more stares and often catcalls. These are exercise clothes! They do show the shape of my figure, but there is no skin showing. *sigh* whatever.
You can never blame anyone else but yourself. A man lusts after a woman, it his fault and his alone. If I dress to accent my body, I should not be shocked that men notice and some lust. Some men who lust are dangerous, but I am not responsible for the sick minds of perverts. Now if I am walking the back alleys of Seattle at 2am dress like a whore, I am a complete idiot. I don’t deserve to be raped but I should have known it might happen.
The answer is no
Man, that’s nice.
Ewww….one of those questions like: which came first the chicken or the egg?
Of course, gay men don’t find women’s provocativeness appealing.
No. I’m under the impression that we’ve been moving away from that for years.
I think the responsibility for self-control with regard to sex and sexuality is shared. Clearly, in cases of rape or sexual assault, what a woman wears is completely irrelevant. If she says “no,” it means “no” and that’s really the end of it.
On the other hand — a woman (or a man, for that matter) cannot dress in a sexually suggestive way and then wonder why she (or he) is getting sexual attention. If a woman (or man) doesn’t want that sort of attention paid to her (or him), then s/he shouldn’t invite it by showing everything s/he’s got.
I think the problem usually comes when the woman (or man) actually *does* want some amount of sexual attention (e.g. in the form of flirtation, pass making, etc.) but then, things wind up going farther than the person desires. Usually, this sort of thing is helped along with alcohol, drugs, etc.
So maybe the secret, if one chooses to dress suggestively, is to acknowledge to oneself that a risk is being taken and that therefore, one must be particularly careful while dressed in that manner. Sort of like driving more slowly when the roads are wet.
It’s the responsibility of both.
it was always the man’s responsibilty to quell their dicks… but the women dont help much nowadays…
Yeahh. No fair :p
Yeah, that’s hwy the first acused rapist to claim, “Look at how she dresses! She was asking for it!” was such an influencial figuire in sex relations.
At least we men have eye-candy.
It is a problem at a systemic level. We as a society value things like sexiness and sexuality as things to be praised because they were repressed and now should be manifested. However, if you believe in evolution, creationism, or any other form of science, you would also believe that reactions that men have are innate and based on instinct and therefore, very natural urges. When those urges are awoken out of the correct time and place, it is the responsibility of the man to remove himself from the situation. I would also say that no woman is any danger of losing her strength, character, nobility, or any other true virtue by dressing modestly. The women that have changed history in a way that is praiseworthy certainly have not done it by showing off their legs, but rather captivating people with their minds, hearts, and passion.
good point.
though, it depends. some women dress provocatively to their nature. it’s really weird, but then again — why be normal?
men are…yeah. i don’t know. we’re all human. sexual beings, i swear
My opinion is as follows: If a woman dresses like a slut, it’s her fault for attracting attention to herself. It is also the guys fault for looking at those spots, and thinking certain things, but slutty women will be treated as such. Women can’t just dress however they want and expect guys not to be tempted. It works both ways. Women need to help the guys out by being responsible and not dressing innapropriately.
Damn women.. with their clothing.
Yes we have. Granted it is the girls fault some of the time, but come on guys need to share the blame
yes.
now see, that is a biblical question
……..and it’s two fold, both should change…..but great question
Even though women may bring on a lot of attention by the way they dress, the responsibility on whether a man will act on his lust falls strictly in his hands.
Well. Of course the obvious has already been said over and over–it’s responsibility on both sides. What I’d like to say, as a girl, is that 1) modesty is an attitude, not a shirt length and 2) not all guys are lusting all the time. And when I say those two things I do NOT mean that shirt length doesn’t matter and I do NOT mean that I am just oblivious to the way a man thinks.
Thank you and goodnight.
~V
Men are perfectly capable of controlling thier actions.
We both have responsibility. We all need better self-control.
-Guru on the Hill
Abso-freaking-lutely.
Men and women share responsibility. Where a woman’s responsibility to dress properly leaves off, a man’s responsibility to control his own lust begins. But as a society, I think we probably put a bit more responsibility on the woman. It’s not as bad as here as elsewhere, though. In some of these oppresive islamic cultures, and other rigid fundamentalist religious cultures, where instead of teaching men to govern themselves women are compelled to cover every single inch of their bodies, almost all of the responsibility is put on the woman.
unfortunately, yes
Both parties included are responsible…men & their lusts, and women who dress trashy
yes, women are constantly blamed for the way a man behaves….that being said, men and women alike should have control over their bodies….
Men and their lust? I resent that!
Yes…at least, that’s how it is at my school. They put so much emphasis on how people (men and women) look and dress, it’s ridiculous. They’re so afraid of tampering with the “culture” of the area where we live. I think there’s equal responsibility on both parties. Women should be aware of how they dress makes a guy feel, and guys should be aware of what type of women’s clothing turns them on and have a way to deal with it.
And I wanna get raped by a hot chick
God made men that way and girls could help the men out by dressing modestly… I am not saying that men have no part in it whatsoever! men could be smart and not pay so close attention..
?
women have no lust?
women shouldnt have to change their entire way of dressing because men cant keep their minds clean
its both.
heck yes!!! Most women dress just to satisfy or please a certain man.
…Huh? Oh I’m sorry Dan, did you say something? I was momentarily distracted by long curly hair and hella curves. My bad.
eh, no offense, but 70% of men are perverted in some way. that’s a real fact.
Xchola4u kidna proves my point
I feel women should have a good share maybe 68% of the responsiblity (angry femenist yells at me) but thats because men just can’t help themselves sometimes and girls know it. It just in our genetic make up to be attracted. But does that mean Men have no responsibility? No absolutely not, we do have a responsiblity for what we look at and our thoughts, we can turn our eyes and protect our thoughts, but women should try to not even give the temptation. Would you leave out a donut to a overweight man in his house…I didn’t think so.
it easier to point the blame than to accept it…
Where exactly do you think a lot of that lust comes from? How a woman dresses. I’ll take responsibility for my actions if you take responsibility for yours.
Responsibility goes both ways. I think we have lost the whole concept in our society of personal responsibility. Take a look at Katrina, 9/11, welfare, raising hte minimum wage, etc. People now look to the government to fix all of our problems, rather than doing what JFK so famously said “Ask not what your country can do for you, Ask what you can do for your country.”
When was the last time you heard someone actually take responsibility for something, rather than attempting to pass the blame onto someone else? Could women wear clothing in such a way that was modest and decent? Yes! Could men look at women in such a way that would convey honor and respect? Absolutely! Effort must be made on both sides.
the responsibiliy should go both ways
Women should take into consideration when they dress. But guys need to realize that they’re sometimes a douchebag.
I don’t think so. I actually think it seems like no one thinks it’s a woman’s responsibility to dress modestly. I guess it also depends on where you live? I don’t know.
By the way: well-said, IslandChefManager
It depends on what you a referring this responsibility to.
i totally agree with all of the feminists out there
where would our world be today if it weren’t for men?
maybe men should just ceace to exist and women could find another way to reproduce, say like spores or something
“is that a tumor on your head?” “Nope, its a spore, got another huwoman long the way.”
i can’t stand feminists
It’s practically hardwired in a man’s brain to get turned on when he sees an attractive woman. No, he isn’t just going to throw her down on the spot and ravage her, but that’s irrevelant. The spark is there.
Women don’t have to dress like whores to be “sexy”. What purpose does it really serve to look like a hooker? Now, every woman has the right to dress however she wants and not be sexually assaulted or whatever, but still.. I don’t believe women necessarily have the right to stamp whore on their forehead and then be upset when they’re treated like one.
seems like it.
It’s a combination.. But I think that it’s more than half of womans fault..
‘Cause there are actually woman who got to bars wearing mini-skirts who sit down, spred there legs turn over the the guy looking and say “What the fuck are you looking at?” Yeah.. Attention grabing whores..
Or course, that’s not all women, but for the most part guys are able to keep there lust behind closed doors.
so let me get this strait. a woman can dress as skimpy as possible and it is up to the man not to lust after her? i know its wrong, but, you girls just don’t understand how hard it is for a guy not to look. the woman should have some decency and responsibility. it is still possible to be modest and stylish
yep
Feministic points of veiw are total bullshit..
Feminists think they can run around no clothes and men should just look at the ground and walk away.
But as men, when we prove who rules the fucking world women get all bitchy and throw lawsuites…
That my friends, is fucked up.
Guys would still be perverted if all women worse paper bag tents.
~*RoXy*~
Excuses… excuses…. nobody puts a gun to your head and tells you to wear something by force… if you choose to sucumb to peer presure, fine… if you think it makes you more attractive, fine… if it makes you feel sexy or plain better about yourself, fine… it’s your choice, and nobody…NOBODY is accountable for that but you.
I dress however I want; the majority doesn’t, though.
Guys don’t know that they’re disgusting.. it just comes natural.
If a woman wears tight shirts she can expect to have men stare at her boobs, but there is no excuse for rape. Rape is used for psychological rather than an sexual purposes.
a whore is a whore regardless of dress.
Perhaps, probably recognizing now that there’s blame on BOTH sides, and after having emphasized men’s visual wiring for years, we are now putting perhaps too much emphasis on women’s responsibility in dress as it has become more of an issue in modern times.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
An earlier commentor wrote, “I think it’s God’s fault for not giving me an off switch whenever I get turned on by hot women.”
I’m just wondering, if men don’t have an off switch, then how is it possible to be turned on?
I do know this, I don’t have an off switch either, and I’m just on all the time… that’s just part of being a guy and not dead.
Girls choose to dress like whores. Blame it on them.
yeah … but the blame should be equal.
No matter what a woman does she doesn’t deserve to be raped. That’s crazy neo-con bullshit.
No but hopefully we have come to a place where we are willing to teach our children that they should consider how they want to present themselves to the world.
Well, we all know where men’s brains are…don’t we?!
The men do have responsibility, but there’s no reason women shouldn’t help out of respect for them.
Yes. I demand respect regardless of how I dress.
Yes! Because it’s not fair that I have to feel bad for having a big chest and actually having an ass or having to wear something almost frumpy just so I can be left alone from their roaming eyes and their overly active libidos!
Quit the crap, guys! Some women (like me) aren’t dressing for attention! We’re dressing with ourselves in mind!
There’s a lot of things in which the blame gets put on the woman, even though the guy’s behavior is what’s at fault. I recently read a blog post about a single gal who was upset b/c she’d been dating this guy for over a month and he all of a sudden stopped calling, and someone commented blaming her for having slept with him, claiming she was “putty in his hands” and “gave in to him, allowing him to treat her however he wanted without guilt.” I thought that was a total load of crap. Why was SHE to blame for HIM being an a-hole?
Unfortunately, many times it’s up to the woman to protect herself and watch herself since no one’s holding the men accountable for their actions.
By the way, I don’t believe for a second this crap about how “guys can’t help themselves.” Most guys I know do NOT spend their days openly drooling at every hot chick that walks by. They are able to control themselves. Don’t use biology as an excuse to be a sleaze.
And not every girl who dresses sexy is a slut, people.
we never left that place. the first thing a woman used to be asked when she tried to press charges for sexual assault was “what were you wearing?” even though the clothes do not cause any action on the part of the male, and all actions are directly under the control of the male, it is the female that gets the sideways eye-slide, the disapproving stare. c’mon guys… we know you can keep it zipped.
It depends. Men will always lust.
i don’t think it’s too much to ask for us to cover up a bit so we can be less distracting ^^
if a girl dresses sexy, shes bound to get attention from all guys, unless they are gay. so she should expect that kind of result everytime she wears something revealing. yes not all guys have self control and can resist the free look i suppose, so i guess its apartly the guys fault, but mainly the girl responsibility..
Girls “don’t have it coming” if they dress provocatively. People need to learn to act like an adult in all cases.
For some reason I’m nto getting everything you are asking. Are you talking about in situations like rape? or the way women dress? or what?!
Equal responsibilty.
In my lifetime I have come across men that are dressed in uniform or in a suit that have made me weak in the knees but the thought of bounding them. gagging them and forcing myself on them never crossed my mind.
(well maybe but that is another topic)
Sounds silly from a woman’s perspective I guess.
The cat calls, the inappropriate touching or comments can and do go to an extreme even for those who adore the attention.
In my humble opinion as a former hoochie mama ladies do take it too far.
I mean I can count at least three times in the last year while traveling witnessing my husband pointing out to me women with micro minis and no underwear.
In no way am I saying it is an open invitation but come on.
Really, I think that good guys appriciate it when girls don’t dress like that. Take my boyfriend. We just had a conversation about this last night. He said that it makes it a lot easier when girls don’t wear tights shirts to not be distracted. That’s just what guys eyes do, right? You would have to fight it alot.
So, I try to dress modestly most of the time. I mean, I never wear anything extravagant, but pretty modest.
Rachel
The responsibility for what, exactly? How we handle sexual lust is a different matter than that of rape, for example, the latter being a crime of dysfunctional and hurtful anger bent on power and control.
If you’re talking about how each sex responsibly handles sexual lust, you’re actually talking about a holistic situation because it’s tied to everything in a person’s life and goes back to how they were brought up.
How does a responsible monogamous (I’m monogamous) or polyamorous person of either sex handle such things? Hopefully they have the sense to have their ethical and social development aimed at all manner of excellence. Hopefully they have a lust for learning/resourcefulness as well and have their education and finances in order before even taking a 1 percent (or less) risk of becoming parents. Hopefully they’re informed about birth control so that they don’t pop out 13 kids in an already overcrowded planet. Hopefully they’re capable of honest timely discourse and of handling the variety of situations and people that life brings.
When such things are poorly entertained/developed throughout the years, then things fall more into the power and control paradigm than an egalitarian one which features mutual courtesy, respect, and thoughtfulness.
http://x7a.xanga.com/e9ba41657303174833122/z50506267.jpg Power and Control Wheel
http://x61.xanga.com/02810713d563574683256/z7291783.gif Egalitarian Wheel, in which mutual responsibility and everthing that supports it is featured
Yes, we have. And the Paris Hiltons don’t help. And that’s sad.
I think that is a danger, yes, but there comes a place when the fun dressing turns into more of a man hunt.
There also is a place where men need to learn how to deal respectfully with the beauty of a woman.
Cowboy
Sometimes it’s not the clothes, but the way they are worn. The pictures here actually have the girl covered, but it’s her, it’s the way she is presenting herself. I think both sides could do better, men and women.
yes
It’s a lot easier to control how you dress than how you think.
I don’t think it matters to any man how a woman is dressed if he has sex on the brain.
Kind of I guess.
Nice picture.
Women have ALWAYS been responsible for how they are perceived. The double-standard is timeless!
Yeah.
men are ridiculous.
That’s like asking is it the woman’s ‘fault’ when she gets pregnant. It takes two ‘ya know. The responsibility is on both the men & women. Women should dress decent & when they don’t men should learn the art of bouncing their eyes.
Even in countries where all men can see of women is there eyes they still lust after them.
Women need to dress more modestly, the men need to raise their standards to the women who do dress modestly and respect themselves.
I think it’s both.
girls have the right to wear whatever they want. Guys cant help the way they feel about a womans body. I dont think there is anything wrong with that until their thoughts turn into irresponsible actions.
Yeah. We have.
But some women have gotten used to lustful men and have become attention whores.
I can’t and will not attack a woman because she has no modesty but if there are guys who will, then provoke them baby. It’s your butt and I don’t care.
Well if women don’t want to be oggled by men, don’t go around wearing a kucking top that makes your boobs pop out and short shorts that makes your ass stick out like a fucking neon road sign. Girls dress suggestively for a reason, they don’t do it just because they want to, they the attention of guys. But guys are also big horny bastards, so it’s both the faults.
hey
There can be two women dressed totally alike. You can have one of them putting out the vibe. You girls know what I am talking about and don’t act so innocent. The one putting out the vibe will get hit on so so much more than the other. It’s not always dress but attitude.
Yes, I’m glad you realized it.