April 30, 2007
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Online Dating
I received the following message on my chatboard:
Dan: you should ask your readers what they think about online dating. I am curious.
Is it stupid or smart? Only for the desperate or a good option to improve your pool of people to find a match in?
Comments (108)
I think online dating is an awesome idea for people who simply don’t have time to go out and meet people in other places. It’s not really desperate anymore, considering how far the internet has come.
I’ve never done it, but it’s a legitimate way of meeting people. Using it doesn’t make you desperate. You use all the tools you have at hand.
You can’t touch my stuff, just through some online BS
No i think they just dont have any more options.
I do not understand the concept of online dating anyway.
Two people who have never met in person talking back and forth on a computer
via aol instant message is not my idea of a date
eh, i think in person works better, but you need to meet people somehow…
i think its desperate.
Are people who use online dating desperate?
Sure. But better to be desperate and know it, and trying to change it!
Not necessarily.
Maybe they wanna make their dating pool a little bit bigger.
haha…not at all…. i have met lots of cool people online…and gone on dates with them….. im not desperate…. i meet people out and about also…. its just another place to meet people…. so who wants to go on a date with me?
it definitely takes longer to get to know someone that way.
then you meet them, cos you like them, but then all their annoying “real life” quirks get to you.
it’s fairly pointless.
I think online dating is ok, but i also think you really need to get to know the person first. There are alot of things you learn about someone when you meet them in person that you will never get thru messages and whatnot. I also think you need to be careful meeting them in person. You never know what you are REALLY getting. There are tons of ‘normal’ people out there that use online stuff – hell i know people who’ve started dating thru myspace… friends of friends and networking or whatnot… but all the same. There are also people out there that pose as someone they are not…
I think it’s a combination of desperation mixed in with curiosity.
I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll ever use it. Who knows? Probably some are desparate and others just want to have a larger dating pool.
No, they probably just don’t have enough time to actually go out and socialize, or are shy.
Or…at least, that’s what they tell themselves.
Also a good option for people who are unhappy with the archetypal males or females in their area.
not at all. I’ve used it before. Yahisph said it perfectly. You can’t always find what you’re looking for or interested in around you.
btw, I met my long-time boyfriend through myspace!
I prefer NOT meeting people from online.
Often times I’m sure it is an option for the desperate, because I know some *very* desperate people who’ve only sought online relationships because they were complete losers in real life. That’s not the only reason people choose the online venue though.
They can be. Not necessarily, though.
I don’t really have any opinion either way on dating sites. It works for some people, it doesn’t for others. If you’re committed to it, it can work.
Online dating in general I think gets a lot of bad attention because it is seen as either “dangerous” (especially when it’s not through a dating site) “desperate” or “lazy”. I had an online relationship my sophomore year in high school, and I can say that there’s nothing lazy about it. It takes a lot of work to keep up a relationship with someone you never see, even when you talk to them every day. Especially as a teenagers who have very little hope of traveling to see each other. As far as it being dangerous, that’s a matter of being smart. I had a lot of friends freak out when I said my boyfriend lived in Florida and I’d never met him in person. However, he and I had been online friends for about four years before the topic of dating even came up and I also talked with his brother quite a bit. I was definitely cautious.
Some people who date online may be desperate, but like Twist2daRav3n said it’s nice for people who don’t have the time (or perhaps ability) to go out and meet people. Plus, it’s a nice way to get to know someone before seeing them in person, and maybe you’ll end up having a conversation with someone you would never have approached in person for whatever reason.
usually, yes. at least that has been my experience.
I think it usually works out better when you can meet in person, but people that date online aren’t really desperate. It’s a method of putting yourself out there and using the dating options you have.
it depends i guess. but my first instinct would be to say yes, they’re desperate.
Not in all cases, but it does seem sometimes that those people are desperate. I mean come on! You could spend the hours you lost filling out those personality profiles going to a club or out with friends or out with coworkers. Don’t give me the “I don’t have time for that” speech. You had time to fill out the profile, you have time to hang out with people, SO GO OUT THERE AND DO IT THE OLD FASHIONED WAY!!! lol But some people are just shy and using the computer is easier for them, I guess. *shrugs* Whatever floats your boat, but it does seem kind of like they use online dating in desperation.
I wasn’t.
No, the Internet is a viable option to find a spouse these days. My family has had too many bad experiences with it for me to recommend it, though.
eh most people i know who use it are just looking for one thing and they get it
I lost my virginity to a wireless mouse. The real thing is far better, though.
it’s their life, who cares what other people think? you only have so long to live, so why not branch out and explore every possible path?
… and that’s my two cents.
Peace
once you get to a certain age where you are going online instead of going out then it is just sad and not even desperate but just downright sad
Just a bit. Unless you meet the person online, meet in person, and then date.
Its a bit weird, but i don’t think they’re desperate.
I agree with the person who said it was desperation mixed with curiosity.
You have to be careful I think. A friend of mine started dating a guy over the internet, and when she went to meet him, he was bad news. Wanted to marry her that day (she has money, and he didn’t) and started all of this “I’ll kill myself if you don’t marry me” weirdo crap.
So yeah…be careful.
I don’t think so. It’s a tiny bit nontraditional, but fine.
IU hope not, cause I do and I’ve met a lot of my friends through Yahoo Personals.
I don’t know, I’ve talked to a few people that I’ve met over xanga on AIM and such, but I would no way go as far as dating someone. I think that’s just creepy in a way.
I know several people that are married because of online dating sites. They are all really happy.
I met my husband online. in our case it wasnt desperation. I’m sure there’s cases where it is. It’s great that there is more ways to meet people now a days, so why put one down because it seems wierd or strange to you? and to generalize that everyone who uses that option is desperate is pretty silly.
If you’re a-okay with taking the risk that your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is actually a 4600 pound, 46-year old child-pornography addict.
I think it’s a lot risker. Sexual predators, anyone?
I agree that it may be desperate. I guess it depends on the person. But I think it would be a great way to get to know someone. When you first meet someone, lots of people judge the person by their looks, and sadly sometimes they don’t even give the person a chance because of the way they look. So online you get to know the person A LOT better than you would’ve in person =]
♥ flyy_quotes
i’ve met a couple of people who met people they really cared about online and they weren’t creepy.
but its been drilled in my head that only child molesters talk to poeple online…or they are crazy uglies that pretend to be the hott chick…that kind of stuff…
don’t set up like real dates…have lunch or something…be safe.
I don’t think desperate is the right word. Its a different avenue. I’ve done the bar thing but when you get in a job, you only see certain people, its not like college where you see new people every day. I got sick of the bar scene and tried online dating. I met a great man that I would never have crossed paths with without the internet. Oh yeah and my sister married a guy from match.com
eh i don’t like it if a guy suddenly “falls” for me after two days of online chat o_O
and that’s all the experience i’ve had so yeah its pretty desperate sounding to me o_O
It is not for losers, but on line dating is for people that don’t get out enough. Get out and be social, if you out and about you will meet people. Nice people, and some jerks as well.
I don’t think anyone can really say if it’s worthwhile or not unless they’ve done it. It’s a different experience. I’ve dated a few people online by talking to them on the internet for however long before meeting them in person. It’s not any worse or better than meeting people the traditional way, just different. And I don’t think people do it out of desperation. It’s just a new way of doing things.
I have a hard time meeting people so for people like myself, it’s an easier way to meet someone and as long as you are careful, I think it’s great! I have met a couple of really cool people online and then again, I have met a couple of really big jerks, too!
just as desperate as blind dates, going to a random bar, or having a friend set you up. online dating is perfectly reasonable.
It really depends because of the persons life, are they busy or just not good at finding people etc. etc. I think its pretty cool, whatever floats their boat.
either that or just lazy as fuck
no I don’t think so…
I guess it just depends.
Not always, but sometimes yes.
About being hypocritical, that is true. Very true.
As for online dating, no they are not desperate. It’s just a different option among the many.
I wouldn’t say so. At least not in all cases. It can be pretty hard meeting people in real life.
I’ve used online dating sites. It wasn’t because I was desparate, I don’t think… it was because I had just moved to a new area and had no way of meeting guys. Of course you need to be smart and careful and all that, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.
it can go either way. one of my best friends met her husband on eharmony, and they’re both amazing, beautiful wonderful people.
but i did know this other guy, who met a girl on eharmony, met her once in person, proposed to her a month later, moved to ohio a month a month after that, scheduled a wedding for 2 months later and called it off somewhere in between.
so i guess what i’m saying is it all depends on the person.
Fight Mental Illness Stigma
I don’t see anything wrong with it. The mind can create so many thoughts online…as opposed to ‘in person’ or ‘real time’. There’s a different dynamic, and can be a great way to grow into a serious relationship. Why knock it?
Most of them.
one of my friends has a boyfriend who lives on the other side of the country, and their only contact has been phone and instant messaging. she’s not desperate, just really busy… i doubt she’d have time to go out on dates with a boyfriend she physically met. i personally don’t think it’s a good idea because people are way different on the phone and ESPECIALLY online than in person, but i don’t discourage her because well, there’s no harm in it at this moment.
It’s a split. I think some people are desperate, but others are just busy and really have no other way of meeting people other than the internet. Before, it was mostly labeled as deperate to use online dating sites, but so many more people use the internet nowadays, so it can hardly be labeled as 100% for desperate people.
It’s purely a case-by-case basis. A lot of people who didn’t have access to the internet (including my parents) when they were younger view it as “desperate”. But with all the advances in technology, it’s simply become a new way to meet people for many.
It’s not any more lame than meeting your spouse or significant other in a bar or a random party, really.
No. My sister fount the perfect guy for her on Match.com and they got arried and all…it was great. :] I don’t think she would have found him otherwise. I think its fine but then again I could be considered slightly biased.
Usually.
No really, if used right. Basically, if you can talk to someone for longer than an hour or so, you should probably set up a meeting.
The problem is when you realize you have nothing to talk about due to either 1. Lack of being around each other and 2. You’ve said it all already online! Online jokes just aren’t that funny in real life. Sucks, but that’s what happened to me and some people I met in real life first
I would try it if people I know wouldn’t think of me as desperate for it.
Well, no, I mean later when I’m old and haggy and can’t find a manmate.
Yes. They are desperate and they resort to meeting strangers online because none of the people they know “click” with them. Online dating is their last resort. My two aunts tried online dating once-yes they were desperate. They’re in their 40′s.
I did the online thing when I first moved to a new city and did not like it. Definitely not for me.
it depends on wether or not they are desperate
i don’t think they are ALL desperate, but for the most part, yes….but the main thing about online dating is that most of them are not who they say they are…most of them are creepy, cheaters, and losers…..and yes i am speaking from experience (not that I was any of theose, but I was desperate for attention and everyone i met was one of the above)
Hard to say. It can be a good way for geographically isolated individuals to find others with similar interests and values. One could just as easily suggest that the people who ‘settle’ for someone nearby are the desperate ones.
I have done online dating and I think it is a good thing… there is no shame in it… lets face it most of the people that use it are very busy because they are beginning their careers or in a Masters programs…. also with the influx of the amount of networking and techonolgy we all do online every day then it does not seem weird or for the desparate to begin to connect with the rest of global community through dating relationships… it is merely a natural evolution… so online dating is not for the desparate, it is the next step in relationship/connecting/community.
I have to say online dating is a legitimate way to meet people, and doesn’t make you desperate. I met my fiancé online; we would not have been likely to meet otherwise as he lives 180 miles from me.
Yes. Or screwed up.
I don’t think so.. Especially for older people, for example, I know multiple couples who are now married who met online.
maybe i’m just traditional but
yes
I don’t think online dating necessarily makes a person desperate. Some people just don’t have time to go out and date regularly, so chatting online would be their only means so meeting new people. If someone is real sincere, I believe online dating allows you to focus more on their inner beauty rather than outer.
I used to think that it was desperation, for “losers” who had to resort to the Internet for what they had lacked in real life. However, a lot of my friends and people I know have a profile on various dating sites and they are not desperate at all. In fact, they are generally popular, pleasant, well-liked people. It is just another way of meeting people!
It’s not for me though. I know that I am a different person in writing than I am in person. I am not harmonious that way. I am sure that many other people are the same, so we are subconsciously deceiving each other in our “online selves.”
i actually wrote a blurb about that.
my conclusion? we used to think that a million monkeys with a million typewriters could produce the entirety of shakespeare’s works. the invention of the internet has proved that wrong.
searching for a mate online isn’t the way to go, but nonpretentious platonic relationships that might lead to more aren’t bad.
my dad has been married 4 times now. his latest wife is his longest marriage yet at 10 years. maybe online dating isnt that bad?
I think it just depends on the person and their motives.
Nah, it ain’t desperate.. I have done it few times.. I would agree to say it’s stupid to say you have relationship if you haven’t met the person.. You got to meet the person to deal with reality instead of living a fantasy world.. Just use your common sense, people.. You don’t get in the car with stranger.. You get to know the person first of all.. I mean really dig hard.. Not just your avg basic info.. Plus it is more safe than in person if the person is unstable to turn to volience.. At least you are behind computer screen not in person.. You are more likely to find out over the time.. DON’T meet them right away.. KEEP DIGGING all you want cuz you never know if you meet your soulmate or your killer.. And make sure you keep records of it.. Use your common sense and be on guard..
I’m not really sure. I know I’m too paranoid to do it but… yeah…
I got brain washed by all those adds in the ’90s and early(er) 2000s.
I met my husband online. It has benefits and drawbacks just like every relationship. You have to really be careful . . . just like every relationship.
Online dating creeps me out.
Absolutely NOT
it all depends on the persons state of mind! if they fill out a gazillion profiles thinking “i have to find someone now!” it’s probably desperation. but that is NOT always the case! You can have that same mentality going into a nightclub or on a blind date. so i’ll say this again… If you want to generalize and say EVERYONE who uses it is depserate or a ”loser” then you’re pretty stupid!!
I prefer face-to-face, but if people find love online, then I suppose it’s alright.
I’ve never used it, but maybe down the road I shall explore that avenue. I don’t think it’s desperate or stupid.
I’ve been on online dating sites, but I haven’t had success with them. However, I met my ex and my current boyfriend (and fiancee to be) through the message board on a comic. We’ve been friends for a year before meeting each other in person, and then sporadic friendly visits turned into dates and dating turned serious
We are very blessed and happy that we’ve found each other, even though the means are different than “normal.”
I should mention that’s an online comic called The Wotch.
I don’t think it’s desperation. I’ve used online dating before just trying to meet people outside of my current network. I’ve met a lot of great guys through it and can normally tell after a few messages and a phone call if it’s someone I’d like to meet in person. We meet in a public place and as along as things go well and we’re both interested (and my intuition doesn’t tell me to run screaming…), we’ll go on a date. I don’t think that you know anything more about someone you meet online than you do about the person who you meet at the grocery store or library or cafe or wherever you end up meeting someone outside your current social network. As for making sure they are who they say they are looks wise, I don’t think it’s rude to ask them to take a photo holding a piece of paper with their current screen name on it – how many people currently “prove” their identity.
Tough call. Sometimes it’s desparate, if it’s just chat rooms and cybering and such, but if they’re actually serious about finding someone then it is a great way to expand the pool.
I met my wife online. I thought it was for the desperate and pathetic. But when I lost a bet and had to put my profile up on a dating site, I was amazed at how many people responded. And believe it or not the vast majority were attractive. My wife was one of those people so we started talking on line, met, and then got married. We now have 4 kids, and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe I just got lucky, or maybe some cosmic twist of destiny made me lose that bet so we could find each other, who knows. I think with a discerning mind it can work.
Nope, don’t do it, people are different in person.
I met my boyfriend online and we have been together for 5 1/2 months. We were a couple for 2 months before we met in real life, and I realize that’s unusual, but we really liked each other and wanted to make it work. After I graduate from college, I will be moving to his country to live closer to him.
The interesting thing is, neither of us was online to find a date. Both of us are perfectly capable of meeting people in person. We met on a messageboard.
As for what I think of going on a dating site, it does seem a bit desparate, but I think some people just do it out of curiousity.
I think you take the intamcy out of dating. An online chat is nothing like dinner and a movie. Though I’m not averse to the idea, I doubt you’ll meet the love of your life on myspace.
my grandpa met his 3rd wife online.
Well, I don’t agree w.online dating being desperate. I met my boyfriend of 2 years on myspace. We started messaging back and forth since june of 2005 for a couple weeks. I gave him my phone number, and we talked on there. Plus, it wasn’t until July 1st 2005 that i met him, and we clicked so well that we started dating July 2nd, 2005. I don’t think it’s a matter of desperation. Meeting new people happens all the time, online or not, and if something should come of it, then so be it. Thanks for listening even thought I just found your blog randomly. bye! *~Theresa~*
I am sure that in most cases when people meat someone from internet (like someone they’ve been chatting with in a chatroom), that person will not even be close to what they have imagined him/her to be… Cause in reality, anyone can be anything they wanna be and create this perfect character of themselves, when they’re online….So it’s more like a fantasy world…But of course, I am sure that there are people out there who have met the love of their lives online, but the chances are better to find someone in the real world, if those people had spent half of that time they use infront of their computers talking to those characters…
I believe that the best way is to meat people in the real world, cause you’ll never know who this online character really is…
It depends. I would rather meet the person…in person.
In the first place.
I’m too conservative to consider online dating. Call me old fashioned because I can read people in-person, not by email, not by phone, not by online dating.
OMG XANGA HAS A CHATBOARD?
I met my first boyfriend online. We met on a message board. Neither of us were looking for romance, but it just sort of happened. We were just friends for a few years before we met in person, and then we started dating long-distance. That relationship didn’t work out, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with online dating, and I don’t think it’s desperate. As many others have said, it is simply a different way of meeting people. Also, although it’s true that there are certain things you can only get to know about someone in person, there is also a sense in which you can get to know someone better online. It also allows you to think about things without the distraction of a physical element to the relationship. For me, that was a positive thing.
Not really, but I’m biased because I met my boyfriend online. My relationship is complicated, as he lives in Canada and I live in California, so I would think that if I have the patience and will to make a relationship work over the span of thousands of miles, then i’m really not desperate because my relationship is bound to take more effort than some others would.
was shocked last time i went out with the gals for a supposedly quiet night at the local pub…..GOD give me online dating anyday at least you can
log off or ignore face to face is a different story