February 26, 2009
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Increasing Your Dating Number
Back when I was between the ages of 16 to 19, I went out with approximately 100-150 girls.
I only know the number because my mom counted and I was over 100 when I graduated high school. Now I waited until I was married to have sex so I didn’t have sex with any of those girls (as long as you accept Bill Clinton’s definition of sex). I probably kissed around 30 of the girls. Let me be clear, I was not a player. I was nice and respectful. I just loved going out and meeting new people.
I am an advocate of young people dating around and having a good time instead of getting tied down in a relationship when they are in high school. I have been telling my 15 year old son that he should not get tied into a relationship early but instead should get a good understanding of what different types of girls are like.
One think I have never understood is why some people on xanga will complain about not being able to find anyone to date. It appears to me that there is no shortage of women or men available for someone who wants to date. If you are the type that does not want to date several people, I can respect that. But for those that are wanting to date, here are a few suggestions.
1. Position yourself to date.
When I was in high school, we were allowed to pick our own seats in class for most of my classes. I would purposely attempt in every class to sit in the middle of several girls. If you did it right, you could sit in the middle of 8 girls. There would be one on each side and one in front and one in back. Then there were 4 girls, one on each corner. Right there you have 8 possibilities for dates in just one class. Multiply that by 6-7 classes each semester and you could keep an active dating life just from school.
Another great strategy is to to position yourself during activities and sporting events. Remember that people have a natural draw to someone who is unknown and attends another school. School activities and sporting events are a great place to meet someone.
Work is also a great place to find dates. Make sure you pick a job with a good representation of the opposite sex.
Church is another great place to meet dates. I had a large youth group and tried to go out with every attractive girl in my youth group. (I asked a girl out once from my youth group and she told me she was waiting for her turn).
2. Expand your Possibilities
You can meet people at so many places. These days you can go to a college library. I actually figured that one out when I was in high school. You can meet smart girls in a library. Starbucks is another great place. I went to an all night Starbucks while on vacation recently and there were attractive women there all night. The beach is another great place. This way you also get to see what the woman’s body looks like in advance to see if you are attracted to the whole package.
You need to look around you and see all of the available people to date. So many young people say, “I just can’t find anyone.” The reality is there are people all around you that want to go out.
3. Be more aggressive.
If you want to go out with someone, you have to ask people out. Confidence comes with time. I see people that miss opportunities because they are afraid of rejection. The summer that I graduated, I bet a friend a quarter that in six weeks I could go out with 20 girls that I had not met previous to that 6 weeks. I think I got to 12 or 16 so I failed. But in six weeks I was able to go out with a bunch of girls that I had not met previous to that time. If you want to go out with someone, just ask. By they way, I actually asked my wife out when she called a friend’s house and I was there. He called me a jerk for asking her out when she called his house. He wanted to ask her out. He should have but obviously he had no guts even though they talked all the time on the phone.
4. Forget about rejection.
How many times did girls tell me “no” when I was dating? I don’t remember. It did not stand out in my head. So many people worry about rejection. What is wrong with hearing no? You will be ok. It does not need to destroy your self-esteem.
Do you think it is better to date a few people or to date several people?
Comments (199)
A real blog from Dan?
Good suggestions.
It’s funny how men and women all the time make comments like, “All the good ones are taken.” Matches made in heaven, all the time.
This is a really long entry by you
Several.<33
Mostly because by dating several you get an idea of whats out there and how you like to be treated.
Oh! And you’re young. Youth is meant to have fun. <33
I can’t say I’ve ever dated several guys. It would get a little confusing for me I think. Idk. Maybe I should try it.
Furthermore, though, if you DO end up getting in a relationship young, there is nothing wrong with that either. I met my husband at 16; I am now 22, and still incredibly in love with him. It doesn’t always have to end in heartbreak, and dating around doesn’t always = perfection.
DAN’S A PERSON!?
WOW, 100??? Haha, I bet you don’t remember the no’s… And I bet you don’t remember most of the yes’s either! Awesome post though, and great advice =)
Dan’s a pimp!
dan the pimp, who would have ever thought
I end up getting stuck in long term relationships when I intended for it to be a date. What can I say? I must be a keeper! hahaha.
Seriously though, I think it’s important to really get to know many different people. It’s only after my divorce that I’ve come to realize that there are a whole heck of a lot of guys out there.
I say, date around and keep your pants on.
so does this apply to girls too?! cuz i dont think ive gone on more than 10 dates in my lifetime lol.
Shit Dan, 150 girls??? What were you wearing, eau de chick magnet???
Good advice though.
Gee. I usually called my sister a slut for dating lots of guys at the same time. But her definition of dating was similar to Bill Clinton’s definition of sex.
I have one more suggestion: get off the damn cell phone. seriously. unplug yourself once in a while and quit hiding behind gadgets. sheesh.
It’s not how long the blog is, it’s whether or not it ends in a question. That’s what makes it vintage Theologian.
Date however many you are comfortable with. I dated maybe half a dozen guys in my short lifetime, but I made up for it in having mostly guy friends.
you’s a ho
Forget about rejection is good advise.
Now don’t go doing a matchmaker post again…that was really funny!!
You’re drunk.
A real blog? What the hell.
You know what? I would just like to date in general. I have not been on a proper date in a year..which is very pathetic for a 22 year old girl. I used to have men wanting to date me all the time, and then I just got busy with life and the men stopped coming around. I even got rejected on Facebook. So the point of my pathetically sad story is that I would just like to date somebody. For God sakes…this is bad.
Oh yeah and great advice…I’ll be sure to use it next time I come into contact with the male species.
The question isn’t the entire blog. IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!
um, I really don’t know. I would suppose (using my supeqeor intwect) that it would be different for different people.
“And that’s the way it is.”
edit: @desertrose: Um…..hello? Helloooooo?
lol
You do realize Dan that posting a blog longer than 6 sentences will completely overshadow whatever you wrote about.
But wow… 100 girls? Is that like… actually go out to dinner/movies kinda dates? Cause you had to be droppin’ some serious dough! lol
I’m 18 and I’ve never been on a “date”. I’ve “dated” a few people, as we were friends first, but I’ve never been taken on a date, gotten to know the person, had a fun time with them, etc. Maybe I should though, just to see who’s out there. Good post!
over 100?! talk about commitment…or lack thereof…
10-15, ok. but 100-150?!
Well said and holy cow is that a lot of dates. How did you get your homework done?! Don’t fear rejection, there’s no reason to. If they reject you at first meeting you can walk away knowing they’re superficial and not worth your time. The most important thing is to put yourself out in the real world and learn to make small talk with strangers. Everything after that is pretty natural.
dan. i think i am one of your sons
Seems like to many people are looking specifically for their end-game match.
Few.
wow… i’m in high school, but I kinda liked my long term relationships. And guys who date around a lot are kind of a turn off.
Oh yay, I’m a smart girl!
I can’t imagine having dated so many people. I’m such a non-dater. I think I’ve been on…three dates in my life. <—Lame-o.
yes
several!
(: I liked this blog
You little Virgin slut!!!! I like how you spilled some stuff about YOURSELF and your past. Bill Clinton’s meaning of sex…haha.
I think ppl should date around. At least One significant bf in grade school and a few in college before marriage. It gives you an understanding of how different ppl think…along with the valuable experiences youll gain.
Im in that situation now….my guy only had 1 real gf. Oh man…
i’ve had exclusive boyfriends before-borrrrring… so i switched it up a bit and i have to admit, i like this multiple people thing i’ve got going on
oh goodness, Ive dated ( alot of dates, not a lot of “boyfriends” ) around 15 guys (just kissing, nothing else) starting from 14, and 4 of them turned out to be boyfriend material ( up to at leat 9 months) The guy im dating now Ive been dating exclusively scince I was 17 though. But dan, you have me beat by about 85 dates (at least) haha. But nonestly, i think its because I was more focused on dating people for relationships. I found one really good one!!
Dan, the serial dater.
I wonder what inspiried this entry.
Very informative, especially #3.
I never dated in high school cause there weren’t very good pickin’s in Hicktown, USA. But I did go out on dates after graduation. Actually I have 5 relationships and maybe 10 or 12 dates or so (all short lived during my first year or year and a half of college). Then I met John and here we are almost 4 years later.
You bet him a quarter? LOL. Big ballin’! Hahahaha. I really enjoyed this blog, It was so personal; great tips. I didn’t know you had it in you.
As for your question – “Do you think it is better to date a few people or to date several people?” Isn’t a few people and several people the same thing?
Wow Dan–you have impressed me on so many levels. 1) this is the first real post I’ve read by you (though it still has your trademarks all over it) 2) you never struck me as a player–haha, but 100-150 is impressive, and the fact your mom was able to keep count? Doubly impressive. and 3) You are totaly right—I never understand why people are perpetually single either or can’t find a single date. When I was single I never ever had a problem finding someone to go out with–the world is a very social place–I feel some people just choose not to participate. This post makes me think of all the good days in university–so many men–so little time
Depends on why you’re dating. My sister and brother dated with the intention of finding a long term partner. My brother had two girlfriends and ended up marrying the second. My sister and her boyfriend have been talking marriage lately too. Me, being a self admitted commitment-phobe – I don’t date in order to find a mate but rather to meet people and grow more comfortable around new people.
have at it
Wow, insightful and enlightening blog. I didn’t know you were such a date-y person! lol.
few. you need to give yourself time to get to know them and establish a connection, or establish that there never will be a connection. how can you get to know anyone dating like that?
There is a problem with finding people to date if you do not have a certain look. Maybe I’m too picky…and the type I go for are the types that don’t go for types like me. I’m not sure. I’ve dated plenty of people (not nearly as many as you in that 6 weeks time) but people tend to like me once they get to know me. I’m not an “at first sight” type of girl, unfortunately. But 9 times out of 10, once you get to know me, I’m already in the friend zone. And that sucks, too. I believe I wrote a blog about how people tend to like me after they get to know me.
So yes, there are plenty of places to meet people, but to find one attracted enough to you to accept an invitation out is a different story.
I always knew you were a hottie.
Fantastic entry Dan.
Oh my. I haven’t dated in a long, long while. Time to take your advice Mr. Dan.
I am a big fan of “group dating” a bunch of us gather our friends and meet and hang out together just letting the evening take us where it will. I like it because it takes the pressure off and also because I think if you want to really see what a guy is like you have to see him with this buddies.. ~Echo
Whoa Dan, you were “da man” back in the day!
Nice entry you’ve posted. I enjoy reading about your experiences. Although I have only dated a few guys in my life. I’m shy. But I do think it’s good to have selection– just not all at once. I believe in dating one at a time. It’s more respectful to the other person, I think.
Over 100 girls? I don’t know anyone with such a high dating number! lol
But all that dating without real meaning seems to be an American thing anyway. How did you get rid of them afterwards? I could imagine a lot of trouble because of girls expecting more.
Also, that explains a lot, Dan!
lol i liked this
FUCKIN PIMP. THATS THAT HUSTLA SHIT. DAN, YO WIFEY BETTER BE WORTH YOUR TIME.
I don’t think it really matters; for some people, fewer is better, because they grasp the relationship concept more quickly; for others, more is better, because they need more time to learn and adjust.
Personally I’ve only been in two relationships so far and I’m loving the current (second) one. <3 I think I’m much less into dating than I am into committed relationships.
Wow! Great Blog! I say date a lot!
Ok – I think that is one of those situations that if a girl tried it she would look really bad. I am surprised you haven’t been flamed by any of the “I’ve kissed dating goodbye” crowd.
Excellent advice.
First off- I like this post.
) You’ve got a lot of good advice here.
I will also encourage my son to go out with more than one girl (as long as he’s up front about it with all of them). There’s no reason to get tied down at a young age.
Easier for guys then girls to do though. Girls would be called a “slut, whore, loose, etc…” Then again, you didn’t exactly escape the name calling here. ;o)
I never dated at all in high school because I thought it was a waste of time and I never found anyone worthwhile. The only guy I’ve ever been with is the one I’m with now, and it’s serious. I would have it no other way.
Wow !! That is all I can say but dang… 150 gals?! Whew… are u sure u from this planet?
On the one hand, I think it’s good to date several people so that you can figure out which kinds of people you like and don’t like.
On the other though, when you date so many people, it’s a little more difficult to be close to all of them, and I’m a fan of intimacy (and I’m not even talking about sex, just getting to know someone really well).
a few people, but then again, not alot of guys interest me much, partially because of where i live, and because all the guys my age worth dating only have one thing on their minds. I dont really date, i become best friends. My best friend in my church, for the longest time I had a huge crush on him, we became friends, I saw he wasnt really my type, the crush faded into a warm best friendship.
Ultimately, it is best to date one person. But if you’re not in a serious, committed relationship, it’s best to date around, meet people, have fun.
Great advice. I think it’s good to go out with several. People get stuck in with one type and get lazy about meeting people. Play the field, see what’s out there, and have fun!
Over 100 girls? Wow.
my numbers are high enough. i don’t need to increase anything… eek!
Wow . . . 17 paragraphs. I’m shocked.
I only plan on having a romantic relationship with one person. I do have friends of the opposite sex though, I just wouldn’t date them.
Date a few, definitely. If a guy told me he had dated 100-150 or kissed 30 girls…no way I’d ever date him. Even if he didn’t do anything….it just makes him sound like…a manwhore. I’m my boyfriends first girlfriend, and we are very happy. I think you should date a few, really get to know them, and find the one. I think my boyfriend is the one, and it goes the other way around too. We’ve been together for a year, and are looking forward to many more.
Btw, I doubt you even remember the names of all those girls.
100 girls and you only kissed 30? Interesting.
I don’t think it’s that important to date around. If you find someone you are completely happy with, there’s no need to end it.
Some insightful tips from Dan? About something like this? Wow..
Very nice though.
What constitutes a date Dan? Does it have to go all the way to dinner and a movie level or can be as simple as walking someone to class? Where is this line defined?
Several, more choices, and you can figure out what you’re looking for. As long as you don’t take all of them as serious and call them all your girlfriend, I think it’s okay. However, after you call one of them your girlfriend, the rest of them should be out of the picture.
Also, I met my girlfriend at our Youth group. Funny you’d mention that.
Great tips.
When she was in high school, hubby and I told our daughter, who will soon be 22, that we didn’t want her to tie herself down to just one boyfriend. Our reasoning was that we wanted her to date a lot of boys so she would eventually be able to figure out what qualities she wants in a future husband. (Although the “package” may look nice on the outside, you never know what’s inside until you check it out, right?) So she did. She kissed a lot of frogs but she also kissed a lot of princes. Now she has a good idea of the important things she wants in a relationship. Maybe this is a crazy way of looking at it, and some of our friends thought we were crazy for taking that attitude. In past relationships she’s been the one dumped and she’s been the one who dumped someone else. But she has grown into a very self-confident woman who has a healthy sense of self-esteem.
WHORE!!! You know Dan, for a Christian you sure do…Ha, ha…I can’t go through with it. You’d probably take me serious.
Definitely date several… now, I go to Starbucks and the effin’ library all the time, but I never get approached or asked out! :/
Interesting advice, and certainly sounds like an interesting few years. I never realised from your sarcastic but polite xangan demeanour your true playerness. Still, you do make a fair point – people are everywhere, if we would only see (and agressively date) them!
I don’t know the difference between “a few” and “several.”
Hm. I think more people then just a few. I like your idea. See what is out there & understand more people. I don’t just want to “settle”. So. Going out & dating is nice. Although I’m seeing one guy right now & have been for 5 months. I have no plans on finding others. Kinda want to see where this goes…however. I am 26. Not a teen anymore….
I’d recommend dating more than one – but not more than one at a time. I’d also recommend getting to know different types of women. But I think that takes more time than some people give it. I think being on the 100+ pace precludes getting to know someone.
I think 3 and 4 are really key; and women seem to have a harder time of it.
But just going for what you want will usually get it for you!
You wouldn’t have had much fun if you’d been a youth-group teenager in more recent years… all that “no dating, just courting” stuff. lol
I think it is good to date several people. At least that way you are narrowing down the type of person you want to be with for a life-time.
I have five daughters. They all have seen the dating scene as something different. We have gone from one wanting to be committed to one person, to one who has had several boyfriends. Each person is different.
I thought I was reading a Recommended Post at first. Amazing!
That is the way I like it… dates, but not DATING. I don’t like the idea of being in a relationship. But nowadays there’s some unspoken expectation that dates will lead to “dating,” and that “dating” leads to sex, and therefore I just stay out of the whole loop.
I thought this was lovlyish or something.
I go quality over quantity. (hah! the last syllable was Ti-tee!)
I know some guys who dated a lot of girls… but generally their standards are far lower than mine… too often quantity comes at the sacrifice of quality… and I prefer Olive Garden over McDonalds !
This is totally true. Although I didn’t do it in quite the volume that you did, I dated more than the average person did in HS and am extremely thankful that I did so. I now have a firm understanding of who I like and who I don’t and all that jazz.
Lots of dating = good.
Great advice
I strongly disagree with the idea that young people should date around.
Depends on your definition of “date.” I don’t think it’s good to have a ton of serious relationships, but I do think it’s good to have loads of casual going out experiences where you get to know different kinds of people, various personalities, and what have you.
As a young woman, I dated quite abit though not in that quantity (2 relationships per year on avg for last decade). I’ve dated multiple people silmultaneously (not seriously).
When I was young, it was just a matter of getting to know others more personably. Now, it’s a matter of getting to know the right individual better. And if I meet someone I really want to get to know better to stick around for a long time even for life then I’ll stop dating.
The chick in that picture has a terribly obvious boob job. Awful.
And it’s definitely a good idea to date a large variety of different people, so you can get a good feel of what qualities you like in a significant other, and what you can’t live with. How could you possibly know yours is the best if you have never had a comparison?
i like the idea of having so many options like you say, but not how all the girls were basically just numbers to you? i don’t know if that’s what you meant, but if a guy at my school was known for dating all the girls, i wouldn’t find that attractive in the least way.
i know that i am young, but that does not mean everything i do until i am older is meaningless! love, it’s all real, no matter how old you are.
I do agree that people should date around before deciding to settle down. It’s probably the best way to figure out what you want and like. The only thing bringing me down is my quietness. I tend to keep to my self more often than I should.
I think your logic is correct. There are plenty of people out there open to going on dates. I don’t understand the intense fear of rejection.
I haven’t been asked out many times, but the times I’ve said “no” are not high in numbers. I believe that all of them were due to the guy asking me out being incrediby drunk (or old and creepy).
I made the mistake of being with the same guy from early ninth grade until late eleventh grade. THEN, right after we broke up, I had at least ten guys asking me out and ended up being with the boy I’m with now, over a year later.
I’ve never casually dated and I regret it.
I had to come out of hiding to comment on this one.
1. This is a serious post by YOU? I’m amazed.
2. You were a player back in the day? I’m impressed.
3. This post had more than 3 sentences! I’m flabbergasted.
I agree with you. I really liked this post, you give very good advice.
I think it’s better to browse around and date a lot of people so that you can see what types of people are out there, and figure out what types of people you want.
several, then you get a feel for what you actually want and not what you’ve been programmed to potentially love.
Was this in the ’70s…?
i personally like only dating a few people because for some reason I would feel guilty if i dated a lot of people.
but your post made me realize it might be a better idea to meet more girls while you’re young so that you can know what to expect and know what you want in a girl.
Dan, you forgot the essential mark. For men, grow over 6′ tall.
For women, grow a pair of DDs.
That’ll get you all the dates you want.
But personally, I prefer just to date one person. I don’t believe in dating multiple people at once.
Damn, 100 girls… You’re a pimp.
In your case Dan, a few people = several people.
I would rather date a few people, rather than say… A HUNDRED.
It just gets painful when you gotta keep turning someone down who was more interested in you than you were in him/her.
IT SEEMS YOU ARE NO LONGER NUMBER 1 AND I SEE THAT YOUR ENTRY’S ARE RUNNING OUT OF STEAM, IT IS LONGER NOW YOUR XANGA FAME IS FADING
great post. dating lots of ppl is a great suggestion, i encourage my sisters to do the same so they know exactly what is it they are looking for…i’ve dated lots of guys myself…i was also called a whore but it didnt really hurt my feelings bc i wasnt sleeping with tons of guys. Plus, i figured if guys were calling me a whore they were just jealous i wasnt dating them and if girls were calling me a whore, it was bc i probably took their man. LOL!! I can count on 1 hand how many ppl i’ve slept with and have only kissed 10 or less guys (i’m a germ freak…who the heck knows what ppl are carrying these days). Effin double standards!!
Anyways, to add to your list, I think if men are complaining about not being able to find a girl, it’s probably bc their approach is totally off. It’s one thing to find the courage to talk to a woman, you actually have too find the right words to keep her interested long enough to ask her out. ”hey baby” might not be the best way to catch her attention. As for the women not finding dates…well, she’s probably ugly or she isnt givin the guy a fair enough chance to run his game, in other words, being a bitch. I’ve always told my friends that if a guy has enough balls to come say hello, the least u can do is give him that chance to talk instead of immediately writing him off as an asshole. give him a chance to state his case and then decide whether or not he’s an ass.
i dont even know if this made any sense…great blog. lol
Wow, 150?? You should really have done a reality show, lol! You are my new role model.
Man whore. Haha. It’s all good.
I was probably the exact opposite as you when it comes to dating. I’m 19 now and have gone out with 5 guys. and since I first started dating the first, I’ve been in a relationship more than I’ve been single. I just tend to date people who I’m that compatible with that we end up in serious, long-lasting relationships.
Which is better, I couldn’t even begin to say. Part of me wishes that I had dated around a bit more, got to see different types a bit more. But I still feel like I got a decent grip on that, just by observing other people around me, who my friends dated, my own guy friends.
And right now, I’m dating a guy, who I know I could see myself with for longer than a few simple dates. and I feel like prior experience being in deeper, more committed relationships would help us actually stay together longer.
I think only a few people. You’ll get the rep. as a player if you date several people, and that’s not good. Also, you want to limit yourself, otherwise you’ll see everything, and by the time you are ready to settle down, nothing will seem good enough… even if they’re perfect for you.
Mr. Theologian is a very interesting person.
I think dating plenty of people like you is fine. I mean, you’re just trying to get to know people and who suits you the best. A player is someone who has several OFFICIAL relationships at once. Dating many people is normal, in my opinion.
@Power_Ranger_Freak - Me too.
Um, that averages each relationship at just over 8 1/2 days a person. If you figure that 30 (or about 1/4) of the women you dated even 2 times longer than average…that dramatically decreases the time for the other 95 (based on an average of 125) by at least 25%.
6 days with a girl that you never even kissed is not dating. That might constitue perhaps… one date at best. Even so, that would put you as a success ratio only approached by rockstars and major hollywood actors–at their peak.
Dubious (adj.) 1: Giving rise to uncertainty. A: of doubtful promise or outcome. B: Questionable or suspect as to the true nature or quality.
seriously dan????? wow i never knew you were such a pimp in high school!! impressed.
Wow….that’s a lot of people. My question is, how can you date that many girls and not be a player or anything? I mean, how do you date 100-150 girls that fast? At least two girls a week for 6 weeks, that one time your friend betted against you. Wasn’t there at least 1 of those (besides your wife) that you felt you had something special with and wanted to spend a little more time with her? It sounds like you sure are rushing. I think if you’re not going to take the time to actually get to know someone, It’s better to date fewer people.
Dan Bigalow: Male Gigolow???
100 to 150 and no sex! Then what the hell did you do with them?
200? Wow…I’ve dated one person. And that was five years ago Hahaha…@_@
Somehow, I’m not very inclined to randomly ask out a person who I don’t really know well…
Aw you are a player haha just kidding thats cool and you could tell you are attractive by your pic (if it is and I dont mean the illustrated one) and imagine back then o geez haha but anyways, lets see its not so much about scared about dating few or more but definately one has to be attractive and rejection comes easily if not as good looking therefore thats why it is hard to put myself out there. Sucks but o well. Awe!! dude this was my #1, no joking favoritest post ever, you sounded slick and it was totally just you. That’s awesome good job!
@Lithium98 - hahha thats funny because its true
Is that a picture of your wifey??
Great post! and if only i could get this through all my friends!
I tell everyone, there are sooo many possibilites, but nobody believes that!
I’m also with you on, high school is the time to explore different people and their personalities and likes and dislikes, etc.
i have friends that are going out with someone now, and deff don’t want to spend all their high school years with one person.
you need to try out different things and have fun!
high school are the best years of your life
its good to date a lot of people to find out what you liek in a mate and what you dont. and what to do in relaitonships. just dont set youre eyebrows on fire or anything liek that while trying em out.
Very inspirational…but as a girl, I don’t find it possible for me to do anything like that
It’s just weird approaching guys as a girl…doesn’t seem natural if you know what I mean.
Do you think it’s okay for a girl to be “agressive”?
Hm, I find this true. So the question is, why is your wife THE ONE after dating so many girls ?
Very nice post. I like dating one person at a time.
I went out on dates a lot between 18 – 21. Actual relationships? Not many… but I did learn what types of guys to stay away from and what types I like… and that just because someone comes across as charming and gentlemanly doesn’t mean he’s actually a good guy… And vice versa… Now I’ve been in a relationship with a great guy for a couple of months…. The first real relationship I’ve had in two years.
@AClassicTragedy - I agree with that definition… If you’re making more than one person think they are the only one, then you are a player. If you are going out on dates with more than one person to get to know them, then you are simply getting to know them to see if they are what you would want in the long term… .
I got myself into a serious relationship very young (14 about to turn 15) and I’m still in that relationship now at 18. Of course I adore this guy I’m with, but I often can’t help but wonder what it would be like just to freely flirt again with no bad feelings after, just to feel the warmth of another mans arms. My current boyfriend was my first everything and I his first everything besides kissing… and these things I will never know from anyone else…
sweet!
date several people
wow playa i thought i dated a lot but 100 > 6
But Dan, how in the world can us normal guys compare to your stunning good looks? Not all of us are lumpy balding men with round glasses…
the real question is what’s so good about dating? It doesn’t sound like it’s really that great since you dated so many girls, it doesn’t feel like you really got to know them. I think it’s more fun to go out with a bunch of friends.
@Stoltz13 - great comment I agree wholly
I have yet to date, even though I am 20. I guess I want to get to know someone well and be mutually attracted before dating. “dating” is reaching more for a lasting relationship for me.
i think your approach has valid points. i never tried it…
instead.. i went into one realtionship seriously and.. now it’s ended poorly
Wow… an actual post from your own opinion/experience.
I can honestly say… THANKS DAN!!!!
I’ve only just recently (tonight) admitted to myself that even though I say I want to date, I’m not really making myself emotionally available to date other people.
My biggest fear is losing control. And having someone say no, turn you down, cheat on you, walk away, or any other thing, is so freaking scary for me. But my single status I can control to not get hurt by simply making excuses to guys.
I was looking for a sign from my aunt somehow that it’s time to really, REALLY, let go, and I think this is it! I mean… how often do you post an ACTUAL post? Never! (at least since I started reading you.)
Today is a great day! hehe ^_^
Usually, I don’t finish post this long but, I find yours to be very interesting. Nice post!
Dating is like Cereal…GET THE VARIETY PACK!
Wow, some good advice here that I’ve never thought of before. I never had this active of a social life in school….although this post is interesting.
Dude I so would have kicked your butt if I was that dude! haha cuz I used to have a chick that called me a lot and I talked with her a lot but we didnt date till about 3 years into our “relationship”! so yea I kinda know where that guy is coming from! but I dont think you should be asking girls out left and right and be dating 100+ girls in a 6 month period! dont hog all the chicks! haha jp! but I do think it is totally fine to be hanging out with 100+ girls and going to watch a movie or something like that when its just you 2….idk if thats a “date” or not but yea thats my 2 cents.
good advice about “forgetting about rejection.” i think more people need to actively practice that …
as for myself, i have dated only a few people; i can count my date-partners on all of my fingers, and my serious partners on one hand. however, i see nothing wrong with someone else who might want to date around, see what’s out there, and make an informed decision. it just worked out for me that i met some pretty incredible people in a short period of time, and learned a great deal about what i wanted ( and what i eventually found ) in a partner.
great post. ur such a PIMP! lol
Wow, that is a ridiculous number! My dated do you mean you just went out to one place with them or that they were your girlfriends? I think in today’s world people would be looked at strangely if they told partners they have had over 100 boyfriends/girlfriends.. maybe because some kind of action would be assumed and some people are a little jealous I guess.
I have had 4 boyfriends including my current one. The least amount of time I was with one was about 3 months and my longest was 4 days short of 4 years. I wouldn’t trade that for 100 guys of shorter lengths anyday.
I think it might be hard to settle down with one person after being with so many, and so used to having wandering eyes with no real commitment. Maybe it is because I am a Scorpio that I am all about loyalty and commitment. XD
But anywho, I think I would prefer dating a few people rather than many. You can see what many types of guys are like without dating them.
100-150 girls in 3-4 years?! amazing.
it’s better several people…so u can learn how to adapt in every different situation & people..
you are a stud, love! i like this; now i know more about dan =]
Dang man, you’ve been dethroned. #2 to Cakalusa???
@k8tthelate - seriously! It’s hard to talk to someone when they’re on their cell or listening to music.
I think it would be nice to have one date. Its been years. I used to ask women out…for years…all ages and races. One day it dawned on me no one was ever going to say ‘yes’ so I stopped bothering them.
I understand the want to experience different types of people, but I’d still prefer one person. Even if I’m not tied down or committed to that person, I don’t like having more than one person in that way. I could always have lots of friends, I think it’s similar to what you’re saying.
So, this guy went out with a different girl every 7 to 10 days? Sounds like BS to me. If somebody exaggerates like this, when can you actually believe them and know what’s the truth or just wishful thinking.
Give me a break
You forgot “have good hygiene.”
Also, “…she was waiting for her turn”? Did you think that was a compliment?
I’ve done the several guys thing and I’ve done the serious relationship thing. I didn’t have more fun with either one, just a different kind of fun.
Gotta do what’s right for you at the time. But I agree – high school is a little too young to have the kind of relationship that I did, which lasted for two years. I don’t feel like I missed out, but there was a lot of emotional strain that just wasn’t necessary for a kid.
Live and learn, I guess.
I’ve heard some of the advice before, but I thought #1 was particularly clever. It’s not where you go, it’s also HOW you go where you go. Going to a coffee shop or concert does you no good if you just end up hanging out with a lot of people of your gender.
I don’t know if someone has said this already, but I prefer quality over quantity.
damn u r really good…150…hahaha…
i completely agree with this post..
not unless you’ve found the person you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with (and they feel the same way too of course) should you ever make it more serious then having buddies.
I don’t really consider it “dating” unless you’re interested in them outside of just fun and friends…
that’s just hanging and guys will get a whale more tale if they just ask girls to come hang and chill
instead of making it all serious and getting all nervous…
that’s SCARY to a girl….
I totally agree with you. Go out with lots of people, remain celibate, and WAIT. I seriously think virginity is a gift that can’t be regifted. Choose very seriously who you want to take that gift because you won’t get a second chance.
GREAT ADVICE & NICE BLOG! Another place is Wal-Mart (actually any supermarket)….I’ve started many a conversation between ‘frozen foods’ and ‘fruits & vegetables’…singles shop for food…I find that asking questions like ‘how do you cook these?’ or other questions, start conversations without a problem….then it’s up to you to turn your chance meeting into a date!
I wasn’t allowed to date while I lived at home, not that I would have. I dated my first guy and just wasn’t that interested once the chemicals wore away. I get addicted to people; I think I’m a lesbian anyway.
I’ve always been more of a one person person, but at one time I was dating three different girls and it wasn’t so bad.
I’ve always been and advocate of relationships. They work for me and I tend to get pretty long term…so honestly I disagree with dating a lot of people. I date one person until/unless we stop dating and then am single for a while to recoup and until another worthy opportunity presents itself. Then I date that person. I hope that I am on my last “opportunity” for a long while. I love this guy and so…. Yeah anyway, back on topic, it really isn’t hard to find someone to date, however, there are plenty of people that are available and willing at all times.
Great scott, I wish it was that easy.
finally a real blog
@DrugInducedDuck - HAHAHHA I actually laughed out loud in the language lab.. how embarrassing d:
By saying “Increasing Dating Number” is already sound offensive for people who respect oneself. Because they want to be more than just a number for you.
You make it sound like dating several is better, and you have really good points too.
So, SEVERAL!
Triple digits?! You’re a pimp! Tell us your REAL secrets to wooing the ladies…. or we’ll protest and unsubscribe and write nasty blogs about you that nobody will read…
Dammit, I’m that girl, the one that guys meet in the library. Or the one who’s at a coffeeshop and turns to you and says “This music sucks! Can’t this man play more than three chords!?!” But, until about two years ago (I’m 24) guys were afraid to approach me. Now they’re looking for wives instead of convenience. Which I kind of find interesting, and scary at the same time. I like this advice you give, about getting to know members of the opposite sex.
hahaha……
i wonder how many xangan actually jumped off their chair and fall down just because this is actually posted by Dan, the Dan that most xangan assume to know of……
haha
so you’re the kind of person who goes around asking people you don’t even know to go out on a date in order to get to know them better. well for someone like you, yes, your tips work.
for the millions who aren’t,
1. some people like to get to know people in other ways BEFORE dating, kinda the opposite of your approach. i cant think of a reason that makes your approach WRONG in any way, im just saying, some people like to do it the other way around, so that dating has meaning to it as friends, and not just acquantances.
2. it sounds like you might be incorporating physical attraction into it a little bit too strongly. once again, on the other side of the spectrum, other people want to get to know people in more conventional ways (regardless of appearance) first, before judging appearance (if at all). personally, i’ve never really thought of some people as attractive physically. but after getting to know them and wanting to spend more time with them, i find them very attractive. its not like they really changed, i just found something to love in someone that i could place above the overthought physical appearance factor. its kind of a grey area, but myself and many others don’t like the idea of asking people out just because we see them on the beach stretched out and good lookin’ in a bikini. for us, it feels shallow to be trying to get to know people based on an impulse over appearance. plus, its kind of unfair to the ‘less attractive’ people on the beach, who would never get that wonderful opportunity should everyone only be asking attractive people. “I just can’t find anyone” is what people say when they take things the slower (and in my opinion, more realistic) way; just because there’s millions of people to choose from doesn’t mean we want to choose one of those million.
3. having guts isnt defined by grabbing an opportunity immediately. i mean sure, it has a lot to do with grabbing opportunities, but sometimes its best not to rush things. if there’s anything ive learned, strong relationships take time and effort, followed by lots of communication. rushing things may be ‘gutsy’ but its not always best. perhaps your friend just wanted to take it slow. and dont get caught up in numbers. when you’re dating girls just to rack up the numbers for something to brag about, thats when you’re just using them as fast food and not caring that they may be looking for more while you immediately move on to the next pickle in that rather fake hamburger.
4. “It does not destroy your self-esteem.” maybe not for the people who go/went through three girls in one week. once again, for the people on the other end of the spectrum, many of us end up growing attached to a person in a desperation to know them better, and when the obvious, imminent ‘no’ comes along, it can be crushing. its a mistake that mostly only my side of the spectrum makes. the way to avoid it, is finding an interest in them and then asking them out or whatever and let the attachment grow over getting to know them better, not just fancying them from a distance for a long enough time that obsession takes root. hearing ‘no’ can be crushing, especially when people actually know each other well. perhaps you have never experienced that, but take my word for it when i say that your above statement is false for many.
once again, ive shown how easily i can ramble on.. ill understand if people end up skimming.
anyways, from your views, im starting to understand the justifications of online dating sites like lavalife.. so dont take anything here the wrong way, because well, these are all opinions, and as such, none are wrong. just know that its not the same for everyone, and dont presume it is or should be.
This is the longest entry I have ever read from you…
O_o
i like this very much :]
haha nice.
Fewer. I’m with my first boyfriend. Never went on any “dates” beforehand. I’ve only ever kissed two guy other than my boyfriend, and it was actually in the same year we started dating. Anyway, we hit a year in April. I enjoy actually having a meaningful relationship.
Its nice to meet new people, but you shouldn’t need to “date” them all. :/
Does “a few” mean 3 and “several” mean 3-5? I think you should date however many people is necessary to help you learn who you are and what you need in a mate. Anything more than that is just a waste of time, and anything less is a divorce waiting to happen.
Wow. I feel like a total loser.
14-18 [I'm almost 18 now]
boyfriends= 3
guys I kissed= 5
Man, you’re somewhat of a douchebag. If I go to Starbucks or to the beach, it’s normally to enjoy time with myself and my friends. I mean, it’s okay to meet a new person every once in a while, but to treat every occasion as a hunting opportunity for attractive girls isn’t the mindset.
i think it sounds fun & interesting.. but, how would you go about it? ask someone on a date, date em a couple of times then end it & find another one? or just go on one date after another?
lol i love meeting new people too! anyways interesting post, all your points are true, haha to my belief that is xD thanks for the advice haha
Dan. You were so totally a player.
100-150 girls?Either your definition of “went out with-” is different from mine,or you’re a chick magnet,or I smell bullshit.which is it?
Anyway,I actually found that out the day before yesterday.At social events,like fairs and school bazaars where they’re surrounded by a million people they don’t know,people tend to be more self-conscious,and
100-150 girls?Either your definition of “went out with-” is different from mine,or you’re a chick magnet,or I smell bullshit.which is it?
Anyway,I actually found that out the day before yesterday.At social events,like fairs and school bazaars where they’re surrounded by a million people they don’t know,people tend to be more self-conscious,and less discirminating,therefore more open to people confident enough to ask them out (and is probably just as self-conscious as they are).Did that makes sense?I
Dan: From Casanova to Theologian
Dan
remember that time when we were 17 and you were in a rush accidentally asked me out on a date? good times, good times.
p.s. thanks for the corsage
What is wrong with hearing no? It DOES kinda lower my self-esteem. I start to question whether I’m attractive/good enough for anyone.
That averages one a week for three years. You must be some stud. Where’d you find ‘em all, in the local ads?
If you weren’t kissing these girls, then you weren’t really “dating” all of them, in my opinion – you probably asked them out on “dates” that seemed more like just a friendly outing to them.
I’ve gone to the movies with guys who were friends and found out later that they thought it was a “date” which sounds more like what you’re describing, in my opinion.
Nothing wrong with that but maybe you should be more clear about your intentions and their intentions.
And if you really were trying to be romantically inclined toward all of them then it sounds like you’re trying to collect women like other people collect stamps,
which is really repulsive.
I think it’s important for people to date a round for a while before they settle down.
@mayanao - I agreed.
You forgot the 2 most important parts. Don’t be fat and ugly.
I’ve always thought dating lots of people was totally not for me.
I think it’s a lot simpler (and personally, also think it’s a lot healthier) to be friends with lots of people of both genders, and hang out in groups. I dated one guy officially, and there were two others that I was “talking” to at some point but it never went very far. And I had about a bajillion guy friends, in addition to all my big brother’s friends who were also in my life.
when did you become a datingish? o.0