April 26, 2010
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Xanga and Internet Arguments
I have been on xanga for over 5 years and have run what I would call a “discussion group” during that time.
I would like to make an observation of something I have noticed during the last 5 years. I have noticed that people feel a strong need to have the last word. People can give their opinion. But if someone disagrees with them, they want to have the last word.
In fact, I tend to believe that a competitive nature is the basis for most of the arguments, drama and flame wars on xanga. People want to have the last word.
People tell me all the time that they could never run a site like my site because they would feel the urge to jump into the discussion instead of just sitting back and listening.
Do you have a need to have the last word in a discussion?
Comments (150)
No. In fact, if my post is the least bit controversial, I make it a policy not to respond to the comments.
No…..if I see that the argument is going lame than I will tell that person I am quitting and ifthey respond I won’t give them that benefit of responding and most times I stay away from debates/arguments/etc. I do not want to go through that kind of thing. Too stressing.
No. I usually end up walking away.
I like having the last word I’ll admit, but I give up… I realize its pointless, that person is so set on their ways there’s no use in continuing… So I guess that’s actually a no.
Yeah…I’m totally guilty of this! lol Mostly because I think it’s fun…
I was having a problem with that, and it was actually making me really upset. I was arguing with people over topics that are very dear to me, and I guess I let myself get carried away by arguing back and forth WAY too much. So I took a break from xanga for a while, and since I came back I’ve been a lot more relaxed. If I’m starting to write something that I think would start an argument, I usually delete it.
Not necessarily.. I only reply back if they got the wrong message from something that I wrote.. or if they twist my words.. biggest peeve..
but I hate drama so after correcting them I leave it at that. If they wanna reply back they can but I won’t keep it going.
No.
I’ve been around long enought to have developed a feel of when discussion veers irredeemably off track. When the tone gets personal, and when the issue in discussion becomes so removed from the original topic, then it’s time to bail.
Or, if not, it usually gets to the point where I find myself blocked.
If I’m in a situation where I want the last word, then I must be pretty emotionally involved in the situation, or I am under the mistaken impression that I have the power to change the other party’s opinion.
Otherwise, I cant gather the energy to respond to stupidity over and over again.
I dont need to have the last word, but i need to feel like ive gotten some point out and across (which sometimes means… having the last word -sigh)
No, but I usually end up doing so because I enjoy playing devils advocate in order to make the other person think. I then end the conversation for thanking them.
Guilty…
Although I’ve gotten better. Only one significant argument in the last 6 months or so.
I’ll try to be good for the next 6 months.
No, I usually let stuff go.
This is a discussion group? Somewhat. It could be better. You could ask more in depth questions, at least. Or maybe I am at fault for not providing in depth answers.
I try not to enter into arguments. If you are in an argument, the goal is generally winning rather than developing a point in the process of discussion, only the latter being in any way admirable. I will argue for a very long time about certain topics (philosophy, politics), but the last word isn’t something for which I strive.
yeah. definitely. ^_^
depends… if i think somebody is being an idiot then yes i want to get the last word in
otherwise i don’t really care
Depends on how bad they piss me off.
Nope! I am not going to change anyone’s mind anyway,I can let it go.
definatly not
On the internet, I’ll just leave it be. But in person, sometimes I want the last word.
Yep I used to. I had to be right and would twist peoples logic so you would agree with me. It would get on my last fuckin nerve if someone else was right and have the last word.
It took YEARS for me to understand that being right is not everything and arguing over dumb shit and getting frustrated just makes you a ..dumb shit. I was the one that would correct you and then remind you every so often of the time you thought Afghanistan was in Africa (true story) I am not perfect I still have to curb the urge to correct someone or insert some sarcastic idiotic “im right and you are dumb” response and be the last one to say something. It takes patience.
I have seen the battle of the twats on here and I am fairly amused by it.
Depends on what the issue is.
I wouldn’t say that I must have the last word. With the topics on my blog, some tend to think that their opinion and a fact are one in the same. I feel it is my duty as a blogger to correct stupid people. I am not being dramatic, I am providing a service.
BTW- I love the picture
Of course. If you ever disagree it means that you are wrong.
Nah, everyone’s gonna have different opinions, I don’t expect mine to be the right one or the same as others’.
FIRST
(q.e.d!)
Depends on what the topic is really. I think most of the time, yes.
i don’t write anything meaningful on here.
No. I really can’t stand people who need to have the last word ALL the time. It’s fine once in a while, but it’s the continuous nag that gets me.
I used to want to have the last word, but I’m not that excited about it anymore. Most of the controversies and dramas on the internet are repetitive and boring in the extreme.
These days, when it comes to religious debates (the most common internet drama) I remind myself of Titus 3:9 and slap my fingers until they’re too *sore* to type a response. LOL!
Yeah, most of the time, I feel like jumping into the discussion and giving my opinion. However, I know it’s not my worth my time and I refrain myself from doing it.
I’ve been on Xanga (more than five years, yup) to be dealing with stuff like this. Especially on Ish sites … I noticed the original post has more positive and supporting comments while the blog post on the Ish sites are more negative and nasty … rather interesting …
Yes. I do take the bait and I do believe this stems from the type of family I grew up with. My family is full of stubborn debators. Nowadays though, I hesitate in that, partially because I’m sick of arguing and partially because Xangans are passionate ppl, and passionate can get mucky, which scares the daylights out of me, since mucky gets personal. = Personal = bullying and put downs. Not my cup of tea, so I make it a point to let things pass.
I used to some years back, but I’ve found that trying to fight ignorance on the internet is about as effective as trying to empty the ocean one bucket at a time. It’s best to just let the ocean do its thing.
I’ll only get into an argument if it’s obvious that it’s driving the other person crazy. Otherwise, I have no need.
because people like to think they’re smart and everyone who disagrees with them is a moron.
You run a site???
Used to, but when I finally realized that everyone always wants the last word I decided to just let the other person be immature.
I hardly ever get into arguments online though. It’s just not worth it to argue for the sake of arguing. Ironically, I compete in debate.
I use to have discussions/arguments with people on Xanga but we never had a last word thing–usually tried to do it in a debate style or until we both didn’t have the time to keep it going. >_> Except for “talks” with another certain Xangan’s followers. T_T That was messy.
youtube arguments are the best
Not really, unless it’s with my brother. because he’s just ridiculouss lol.
usually i know if i’m wrong (even though outside i won’t admit it), so i know when i should back down.
@galadrielspitcher - HAHA agreed.
Not at all.
THIS is the LAST WORD!!!!
sometimes, but mostly I just ignore them.
Having the last word is particular interesting when in the throws of passion. Perhaps it is no longer the last word then as opposed to the last moan.
No, but only because I realize it’s really one of those so-called futile efforts…
No. For the most part, I enjoy being a spectator in arguments. I say my piece, and let everyone else say theirs. If it gets messy and becomes a huge bonfire, I just watch from a safe distance.
hahah..yup, just happened on FB recently.
No
No credit to Randall Munroe, Dan? The image is from the web comic XKCD.
To answer your question: I don’t have to have the last word as long as I’ve made my points clear to the other person. I’m not one to walk out of an argument without hearing what he or she has to say.
I’d reply to this sooner, sorry, but SOMEONE IS WRONG ON TEH INTERNETS!
Never. I’ve been put into some rare situations in my life that have shown me how to truly put myself in other people’s shoes. When I’m passionate about something and discussing a topic with someone who’s just as passionate but in an opposite view, I can recognize this and realize that they think they are just as “right” as I think I am. Life is too short to try and convince others that you are right (or I am right). There have been times that I’ve bent a little on this in an effort to educate (i.e. when my husband and I were planning our homebirth and people would try and convince me that it’s dangerous and I was going to kill my baby), but for the most part, I’ll discuss points and go on my way.
I have to agree that watching some of the “discussions” on Xanga reminds me of growing up with my brother and sister, both of whom always, always have to have the last word. By the time the fight ends and they are so mad at each other they can’t see straight, they can rarely even remember what the fight was about in the first place. Both are just worried about getting the last word and “winning” said fight.
I no longer give a crap about the last word. It isn’t worth it especially on the internet.
I don’t usually get the last word but it’s not because of effort! I generally end up getting blocked.
In real life, Yes.
Over the internet, No.. It’s stupid and pointless!
No, I don’t think I need to have the last word at all.
@Rob_of_the_Sky - hehehe…
Uhm.. I guess I do, really. I mean, I’m not saying I HAVE to have the last word, but I go to ways with it… if it’s something that isn’t serious (ie: Amy Winehouse posts) then I love to get people going for the sake of being entertained. Also, if it is a serious discussion and someone is being offensive or just plain ignorant, I generally step in just because I can’t stand letting them have the last word.
That’s pretty true just to Xanga though, I’m not like that in face-to-face conversations and all. You know “the real world”..hehe..
No.
In the past, I always had a urge to say the last word in all arguments, but now, I don’t think that it is necessary. A sign of maturity, yeah? Who cares about whether you disagree with me or not? This can’t change much… I don’t think my opinion is wrong, or else I wouldn’t have it in the first place; but there is a possibility that it is wrong. Right or wrong may only be subjective. Who knows? But I do not believe that “a competitive nature is the basis for most of the arguments, drama and flame wars on xanga.” Although it is common, I think that it is because people simply want to get their point across and when they feel like their point is not properly and sufficiently received by their targets, they will keep on trying to explain and justify until they feel that their point is sufficiently and properly received by their targets. But sadly, things rarely go the way people want them to. People do not always have the same opinion, this is the reality.
Often times I’m just arguing a point for the sake of amusement and or to fuck with people, other times someone’s genuinely wrong in their assessment of something and I’m trying to get them to understand the whole picture.
No, i just ignore the person after a few comments. I don’t even read the last one because it’s pointless. Ignoring is the best way to go.
@DirtyAndShaken - Homebirth is a bit more dangerous compared to doing so in a hospital, in the event of complications with the birth it’s going to be that much more time before any important surgical or medical interventions can be made in that event. Otherwise I can’t really think of any other objections.
Yes, I do feel that childish need from time to time but I try to allow the maturity I profess to have, overcome my childish need for “the last word”. Thankfully on xanga I very seldom get involved in the big debates.
Like the cartoon. Is that Muhammad?
NO.
I’m finding that I prefer to sit back and watch the discussion (if any) develop. People watching, from an internet point of view…is interesting.
Only when I’m right
.
Actually a debate isn’t any fun without a worthy opponent. I drop a discussion faster if I don’t care about the person disagreeing, than I do if I respect the other person.
No, but I do have an issue with people going along believing the wrong thing in life. If I could accompany my arguements with a broken nose to them, I would. Because there’s no excuse for stupidity and ignorance.
No, I don’t need that. I usually try to stray away from drama here and in real life.
Yes, but in my defense I only get really competitive when it comes to discussing really important issues. These little personality wars on Xanga bore the shit out of me.
Yes.
@FearlessMonstrosity - Lol… are you trying to entice me into a discussion in which I will want to have the last word? It was mostly family members that were scared (I guess for obvious reasons) of our homebirth. Even my 85-year-old grandmother called homebirth “newfangled”… apparently forgetting that women birthed babies at home for centuries before hospitals came along. Homebirths for “normal”, low-risk women/pregnancies are no more dangerous at home than at a hospital, and in some cases are safer.
Yea. I even say it to people. When they comment back with something and then ask why Im still responding I’m like “Bitch! I get the last word here!”
lol
um…at times..it depends on the subject..some subjects i try to avoid talking
about just so that doesn’t happen…
I avoid confrontation.
LOL @ the picture.
You suck. HARD. And not the good kind.
That’s my last word.
No.
Mostly just with my husband, but I will argue a point to the death if it is something I am extremely passionate and sure about!
I try not to speak at all during a discussion.
Not me. I absolutely NEVER get into any “drama” or discussions around here, keep my mouth shut and fly below the radar.
Do I get any Brownie points for at least trying?
Only with my husband, haha.
Anyone else, I don’t care enough to argue anymore.
Not too often. I usually don’t get into discussions period. I just don’t care enough to do so.
I don’t even care. I don’t like discussing things on the net, because most people lack basic manners. I just leave them to it. But if someone is mocking someone’s beliefs, then I’ll tell them that there’s really no need for that, and I’ll be sure to remind them that it makes them look bad, not those they’re tryna make look bad. I just wrote a post on that.
I don’t need to have the last word. =]
No.
I wonder how many people will add to this to say “yes”.
From now on once I’ve said PLAINLY what I think and they want to argue, they can argue with themselves. Lifes too short and precious to go on and on about something that REALLY in the scheme of things isn’t worth a cup of beans much less a whole HILL of beans.
@DirtyAndShaken - Yeah, but then you must take into account that infant mortality dropped because of the fact that hospital facilities became more advanced and available as well. While an un-complicated childbirth is possible and likely, I’d still personally feel more at ease if I had emergency intervention readily available just in case. Doubtless you’ve more factual input than I on the topic but I just felt like putting in my two cents. Lol, the last word is yours for the taking.
I don’t HAVE to have the last word…. but I like to. :p
I find that stating that my response is IMO helps out a lot with folks that might otherwise want to get a little snippy and or offended or just be an argumentative type. I don’t care about having the last word. Or cursing. But I can be a bit of a wise-ass at times, admittedly.
Only if I’m being personally attacked.
No, I don’t need to have the last word. I like debates and such but oftentimes (at least on Xanga) you reach a point where the discussion has gone off on a tangent that is far from the original point and/or things are sinking to a personal level. At that time, I just drop it because I realize they really don’t care about what I have to say. For some, it’s not about piecing together the truth…it’s just about pride and being right.
@FearlessMonstrosity - I agree that homebirth isn’t for everyone. I don’t need the last word : )
I engage in arguments for the fun of it; I’m totally OK letting someone else have “the final say” if I know what I said was right and accurate and complete.
No, I love to view opposing opinions. I do not feel the need for the last word.
That sooo describes tendollar4ways, Provokingthought, Hector, Agnophilo, Nate, Andy and about a dozen other Xangans across the ideological spectrum.
Na. Depends on the topic, good sir.
You simply cannot force others to agree with your personal thoughts. It is imminent that no matter how you protest, you will fail.
Sometimes. But eventually the other person gets outright just… is flagrant the right word? “Extremely over-reacting and emotionally controlled” so I kind of stop. I think the strangest one I’ve been in is one where the guy took a rejection the wrong way and turned from Mr. I’m so sweet to Mr. You’re a bitch. Shit’s scary, I would never want to run into someone like that in the grocery line @_@ I’d have to bring a tazer.
Not as autonomous as I was.
9 times out of 10 it’s just not worth it.
I feel like I am getting too old for teh interwebz. When someone gets all flame-y and shit, I just stop and ignore it.
Not on Xanga…but with some of my friends and family the want is there, though I don’t always act on it.
It depends. On opinions that aren’t based on fact, nope I don’t need to have the last word. Now if an opinion is based on an incorrect fact or I feel the person is attacking someone else with their opinion (like saying that all gays will go to hell, stuff like that) or I’m just tired of hearing the same illogical argument about stuff (such as the Bible should dictate the marriage laws of our secular government), then yeah, I’ll say something. I’ll generally know when to stop arguing though. Even if I want to go on, I normally know where to stop it. Now if I try to stop it and you keep goading me, I will continue simply because I want you to stop annoying me. The future teacher part of me wants me to make sure that people at least form opinions based on logical things, that’s mainly why I will want the last word.
Now, if it’s an argument based on facts and I have facts that contradict yours and I feel mine are more reliable, I won’t stop. Not until you can prove me wrong with a reliable source or I get bored with the argument. With facts I try not to speak though unless I’m sure of my self and my sources.
Yes I do, but I don’t know if I’ll get it here.
No. I find it more satisfying to say one offensive thing to the person who is WRONG! on the internet. Typically they retaliate once, wanting/expecting an ongoing battle. Then I just move away from the argument. It’s funny because they hate that. It’s like dangling a carrot in front of a troll (is that what trolls eat?) and snatching it away from them at the last second.
I want to have the last word but I’m too lazy to do it.
I find that insisting on getting in the last work is a conservative republican trait. No…..wait. Having the ONLY word is a conservative republican trait. You’re right, getting in the last word is normal for the rest of us.
Only sometimes . Only on the internet.
I’m pretty shy in person and I don’t usually vocalize my opinion though.
No , I am right and that’s it ..eventhough I dont have the last word lol jk jk
I think as long as you get your point across nah … I use to need to have the last word but…. thats not how to get the point across anymore. Once you said what you need to , ok , they saw, thats it. Not everyone does agree with you …and 90% of the time theres no who’s right or wrong. Everyone has their own opinion and people should respect that and not be rule about other people’s opinions… unless they are rude
I used too, quite frequently. But knowledge and, in my case, patience comes with maturity. I’ve realized that sometimes I am wrong.
So, let’s accept that and move on…you know?
Good point.
no
I have a problem with that. I’m learning to just shut up though.
Sometimes. If the person is just trying to be a dick, I’ll keep going until he uninstalls Internet Explorer.
I actually try very very hard to fight that instinct. I try my best to make my point as clearly as possible in my first response to another’s blog and stop. I also don’t generally dig into the comments on my blog.
But it isn’t my natural instincts. If I didn’t fight it I would reply on and on and on forever refuting every point anyone replied to me until I drove everyone reading to boredom or insanity or both. I’d waste my life away commenting on the internet and never get a chance to write another post.
That’s why I usually don’t reply to people who comment on my blog even if they make interesting points challenging my assumptions or statements. I’d rather just let their opinion stand. And if I want I’ll re-approach the subject in a later blog post.
So if I get into a long reply-war with you, either I found what you were saying VERY interesting or you REALLY pissed me off. Or both.
btw. That’s like one of my very favorite xkcd comics EVER. It’s incredibly awesome of you to use it for this post.
Actually, now that you mention it, I want to try that sometime… Just raising a point and sit there and listen. Must be good for gaining perspective!
Yes, always!
No. I do IRL, but I could care less about someone on the internet.
Not usually. But it irritates me when people are insufferable know-it-alls and actually really don’t know. As in they are completely uneducated about a topic they are trying to sound very educated about.
No reason to have the last word when you’re right 98.4% of the time…
I don’t usually engage in an argument with people online, I try to avoid that. In real life, it depends on how important the topic is to me and how ok it is to express it at the moment. Then its not so much about getting the last word, but about voicing something if & when its important to. An intelligent philosophical debate is sometimes fun if it doesn’t ‘attack’ but states a truth and invites the other side. That can be invigorating, but if its like one person is right and the other is wrong, then there is no reason to just argue for the sake of arguing, its better to maintain a low profile and say nothing.
I rarely reply to another person’s comment and when I reply, it is usually because I agree with that person’s comment. I’ve had a few arguments but I didn’t start it, another commentor didn’t see the sarcasm in my comment and took it personally, so she attacked me by name calling, but she picked the wrong person to bully because I snapped back at her until she is speechless. these drama queens are usually women who start shit with me;)
Nope. Only when someone is being a complete retard, Idiot and Moron and no sensitivity all in one day.
I actually don’t. I rarely am right about things. So I don’t feel the need to fight for a wrong opinion.
TROLLIN
Naw.
I say what needs to be said, and I leave it at that. Unless it’s a point worth arguing, then I do.
But if the person is getting ignorant, or starts name calling, I let them go.
I tell myself that having the last word is not wise when it seems that the other party is a brain dead chimp.
So to answer your question: No.
i don’t really need the last word so much, but i do need to know that who ever i’m having a discussion with must know my opinion on the subject.
Everyone is obviously a liar, they all want the last word – watch as I prove them wrong – mwahaha.
P.S. I will have the last word.
Nope. The only time I will argue is to give and receive a second perspective on someone’s opinion. There is no winning in opinion debates.
There’s an internet war going on between my school and our rival school. It’s kinda funny since it’s over sunglasses. Depending on how riled up I get about it, I might want to get the last word.
heck yeah! But not all the time, it depends on how strongly I feel about the subject. (Most of my online arguing has been done on sites other than xanga, and I have stopped in the last couple of years because I realized it was pointless, no one’s going to change their mind just like no one can change mine)
Nope but I have a very smart husband who lets me have the last word.
When someone is rude and insistent, I just say, I will not answer you again, and I don’t.
I used to, but I no longer allow myself more than three comments –waste of what little free time I have.
No; sometimes there’s nothing more to say, but i rather end acknowledging i read the other person’s last message, rather than just “ignoring” it.
i dont need to have the last word….but i must say i have the need to at least have one orgasmic reaction though…..thats just in love in general
I’m working really hard on curing that very thing. But it is so hard sometimes…..LOL
I am guilty of doing that but it depends on what it is. I don’t make a habit of doing it because it’s stressful and unproductive. Everyone has their own opinions and there’s always going to be someone who feels they are correct or right about what they say. The only person I have had a “flame war” with is one of my sisters and I love to torment her online. I do it because she is self righteous and narcissistic and feels that the garbage she posts about me is okay to do but she flips out if I post anything negative about her. We have kept this up for a couple of years and awhile back I grew tired of playing the game so I stopped and ignored her. When I started looking at her blogs again, I found a mountain of garbage she had posted about me. She had even copied one of my own home videos and re-posted it on YouTube and posted a horrible accusation under it. I reported it to YouTube and it was removed for copyright infringement. People like my sister are always going to have the last word even if it kills them and if that’s the only thing they have going on in their pathetic lives, so be it. She runs a back yard dog breeding operation so every time she posts another hate-filled comment about me, it only discredits her more. I report her on sites where the comments can’t be removed like Ripoff Report and when she retaliates, she makes herself look like an idiot. That’s the goal. She gets the last word alright but it only helps to discredit her and digs her hole deeper.
As long as I stay away from the ish sites I’m cool… I have a tendency to be black and white on this subject. I either never stand up for myself or do it too much. It’s not a black or white thing. There are gray areas. So when people say “no not at all, I’m an angel”. Where’s your voice lay? And when people always argue till they fill up a whole comment section and they are completely off the original subject. Then they should probably reevaluate if they feel if their voice is actually heard at all in society. People who want to get the last word in have just as small of voices, as people who don’t state their opinion period. It’s sort of the same as people who brag all the time actually have low self esteems effect. You overcompensate.
I’m normally the one to walk away.
After a certain point, it gets less about truth and more about ego…I don’t really see the point by then.
i just want to say that the cartoon gave me a big laugh. kinda reminds me of my brother when he is arguing his point with someone.
doesn’t apply to me though. i generally know when to shut up or give up on my point of view :]
Well I guess we shall put it to the test here. Who is gonna be the last one? Whooo’s it gonna be? (I suppose I should have said this sooner to make this a competition but then, I would have decreased my own chances of winning.. I mean… of being last. But THERE’S irony for you: people trying to be LAST on your site instead of FIRST. hehe)
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Definitely not….I usually end up walking away
as long as you make a good point and support your own thoughts, I don’t think there’s really a need to have the last word. I don’t like it when people talk, but they’re not really saying anything. The lasting impressions are sometimes the shortest of words. So, it’s the intensity, not the duration. If someone replies me, i don’t feel the need to keep talking, especially if I don’t have anything to really say.