February 17, 2012
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Whose Your Daddy?
They were talking on the radio today about a recent survey that showed 12% of men doubted they were the real father of their child and 10% of women doubted who the father was with at least one of their children.
So they were talking on the radio about whether a woman should tell her child if she thought the child had another father.
One line of argument was that it was going to mess up the child if the child found out that their father was not their real father.
Another line of argument is that a child deserves to know the real father just in case there are medical issues that may come up that need to be treated.
Does a child deserve to know who is his/her real father?
Comments (62)
Yes.
And first.
I’m the father.
I thought this problem was already solved with free condoms. You mean there’s an epidemic of bastard babies?
Who’s*, I believe…
Sure, if they want to.
No Luke, I am your father.
Only if the real Dad is rich and has a good inheritance!
I don’t think it’s black and white…there are so many gray areas. But in most cases, i think the child should learn who the real father is when he/she can handle the information. If it’s kept hidden and the child finds out by accident, that could create tons of issues.
@Shadowrunner81 - Some bastard babies go down in legend.
@sometimestheycomebackanyway - like you loborn?
This is something I have little compassion for. The solution to this is to not be a ho. Don’t be a ho = not having to explain yourself to your kid down the line.
Sure
Gah!! Typo!! I can’t read, my eyes are burning!!!!!! X.X
have em go on maury povich
I suppose. It depends on how that child will handle the news.
Yes.
who’s**
It seemed to work out all right for Luke Skywalker.
@Shadowrunner81 - I see you are but one of Xanga’s many village idiots. But I don’t regret trying to be friendly with you.
They sure do. It’s not the child’s fault the mother was a slut.
Yes.
Thats a cute baby
& yes!
Yes. Granted my sibling and I are clearly from the exact same progeny, it’s totally obvious. If you aren’t sure as a mother or father, I think it’s your responsibility to air that out at a point that you feel (your discretion) your child is ready to know, regardless of the affects that might have on your marriage. A child needs to know from a genotype standpoint what he/she can reasonably expect, what to avoid, what might work well, etc. Phenotype can change dramatically based on environment(ex. I was born with blue eyes and extremely blonde hair, eyes didn’t change till I was 3, hair at 7-10, now it’s all brown with a heterochromia defect, one eye is a light brown, one is totally dark brown), if you’ve provided a decent one for your child, I wouldn’t worry that “seeing” their biological whatever is going to cause a lasting problem. Another factor could be how much the estranged parent knows about their likely genetic defects as determined by their relational health history. But, all of this could be completed with a DNA test costing less then 1k, and be much more comprehensive and accurate. It’s sort of a null point.
I suppose it depends on the case, really. For medical reasons, yes. But if the father was a bad person who would cause harm to the child, then no. Eventually, yes, when the father was not a threat to the child. So I guess in the end, the answer is yes. But the “child” may not be a child when they find out. Which could cause resentment, but eventually they more than likely would get over it
Rob of the Sky
a father/parent is a person, a relationship, a role model, an influence, a part of your life
DNA only matters in medical matters or crime scenes
No why hurt the people you love
Of course a person has the right to know who their real, biological parents are. Shame on anyone who doesn’t think so.
No, because the real father is the man who has stuck by the child and raised him.
I don’t think it really matters.
The person who raised you is your father that doesn’t change even if his DNA isn’t yours
I think that children should know who their biological father is and, if anything, JUST for health reasons. Hypothetical medical situation, if you are in a car accident and your child needs an immediate blood transfusion, do you want to wait until then to find out that the man you assumed was the father isn’t? My ex fiance was going through this sort of drama with his ex. He had major doubts about his youngest son, and as many times as he tried to get a private DNA test, she would duck and dodge him. In the end, he had to go to the courts and found out that he wasn’t the biological father. It’s a sad thing that people are sleeping around so much that this is even an issue, but that doesn’t mean you lie to yourself and others about something that can potentially be (and I don’t wish it on anyone) a life and death situation.
It’s pretty lazy to tell your kid he/she “may” have a different father. Get the test first.
I sort of feel like it’s mean to not tell your child who their father is. And unless something terrible happened to you, why don’t you know who the father of your baby is? lmbo.
They need to know, unless more harm than good can come from it. Who wants to meet the perfect person to find out they are related later? Well, unless you live in Arkansas. (Just kidding!!)
Of course he deserves to know and also the father/s I just can’t believe those women D: imagine what a sad thing to find out, for everyone of them, how someone could hurt her family is such a terrible way, scapes my understanding and maybe even my indulgence.
yes and that goes the child should know who their mum is.
As an adult child whose brother grew up believing another man was his father, I have to say yes. Tell the truth from the start. Lies usually end up doing more harm because they always eventually come out.
Yes, always. It’s just like having adopted parents. The kid must know their biological parents, while still appreciating their adopted parents for raising and caring for them all that time. Perhaps they should know by teenage years or even as a child. Because the earlier they know, the more receptive they are. I think they will be traumatize if they find out as an adult, after all those years.
Hey Dan, this actually just happened to my family, true story, real life, back in October. I wrote a blog about it.
I have three younger siblings and we’re all about in our 20′s now. What we were told was that me and one of my sisters came from one father, and my other sister and brother are from my step dad. HOWEVER, my sister, the one supposedly from my dad, looks NOTHING like my dad. And ever since I was 13 I just had this gut feeling that she had a different dad. Turns out she did. 21 years later my mom came out with the truth, because my sister’s real father found my mom after searching for her for 21 years. But he had no idea that when he found my mom he’d also find out mom had his child.
It’s this crazy synopsis for an amazing soap opera I tell ya. Mom was in an abusive relationship with my dad. Both were in the Navy based in Hawaii. Mom meet’s another guy also in the navy, but when she finds out she’s pregnant and goes to tell the guy, he has already shipped out! and where to? AROUND THE WORLD EVENTUALLY LEADING TO ANTARCTICA ON THE USSR. Back in them days you couldn’t just “Facebook” someone. when he shipped out, he was GONE.
Mom keeps this secret from abusive guy, my other sister is born, they get married but he’s still abusive. mom meets someone else! files for divorce. remarries. Has two more kids on the island, and then moves to NY……. meanwhile the guy that was shipped out comes back to the island and can’t find my mom and doesn’t remember how to spell her last name……until a few months ago, finding her on FB.
Of course they do.
That child deserves an honest parent! But that is not going to happen ether.
You mean “WHO’S your daddy.”
*SIGH* Gawd, what an incompetent moron.
who’s*
The kid deserves to know who his real father is… But the father doesn’t deserve to know who their real son is, amirite!?
A daddy is your hero. A sperm donor resembles Mr. Powell and should be avoided by all means. In other words, no need to spill the beans until the kid is in the teens…..just my opinion…..
duh
1. that’s crazy!
2. that baby is adorable.
3. this is a touchy subject, because who’s to say when a kid is old enough to know. like if you tell them when they’re younger, they could distance themselves and be unhappy. or if you wait until they’re 18, they might resent that and feel like their childhood was a lie :
Yes. It is a birthright for a person to know who his real (biological) parents are.
the percentage is actually higher then that. I’m a retired nurse; remember.
well, i see an alert reader has taken care of this, but… who’s
@Babyboomerjill - the percentage is actually higher then that. I’m a retired chambermaid; remember.
@promisesunshine - Actually he meant ‘Hoosier Daddy’, and the post was supposed to be about this guy with 23 kids from Indiana, but it kinda went off track.
@jsolberg - i wish i could be alert enough to know if you’re joking with me.
@promisesunshine - Oh my. I’m just having some fun. No one will probably ever know what our host really meant to say. I don’t put my money on the Hoosier Hypothesis, even though they have a creditable defense this year. So no offence, ok?
@jsolberg - none taken.
i think the hoosier hypothesis is more interesting.
Huge difference between a sperm donor and a father.
If the child is happy with their situation, then no use in sabotaging their happiness.
@locomotiv - lol
@Shadowrunner81 - NOOOOOOO!
Yes, for the exact reason that you mentioned, medical reasons that may or may not come up in the future. Not only that but piece of mind.
My daddy is my daddy.
You STILL haven’t fixed this?!??
I’m making fun of your amazing spelling abilities. LOL!