It is only two days and it will be the 10 year anniversary of the worse day of my life.
It was a simple day. It did not feel any different than any other day. I came home after taking one of my son’s to chess club. And then it happened.
There was nothing but complete darkness in my life. My whole world changed in one moment.
I must admit I had spent a great deal of my life doing what I thought was right. I helped the homeless. I spent time with people that were dying. I started reading my Bible when I was 12. I read it every night. I went to church three times a week. I prayed for hours and hours each week. I memorized scripture. I fasted going sometimes a few days with no food and just praying.
I felt God spoke to me. I felt He guided every step of my life.
And then it happened ten years ago. I prayed to God because that was my instinct. I trusted God would help me. And then I heard nothing. It was like all of a sudden God was no longer listening to my prayers. I did not walk away from the faith. I did not stop trusting in God. I just felt at one point or another that I was going through a stage where I would not hear the voice of God.
It has been almost 10 years. I still look back at that day and wonder why God did not help me. I prayed in faith. I believed. I was almost naive in my understanding. The thing I was praying for was good and not evil.
So why was God silent? I am not sure. This is why I rarely provide answers to people in need. I just hold their hand and cry with them. I sometimes wonder what grand lesson I was supposed to learn from the situation. I did not learn one. After ten years, I can’t understand what the lesson should have been.
So instead I just understand it as the silence of God.
