February 26, 2006
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Child Support
I was talking to a lawyer recently who said that child support issues are what caused couples to fight over their children. He thought that we should just get rid of child support and it would get rid of most of the problems involved with custody issues.
I had another friend who was mentioning that child support was financially hurting him. He thought most of the money was going to just support his ex-wife’s lifestyle with another man.
Is child support in most cases too high?
Comments (197)
I was close.
Sometimes. In celebrity cases, definitely :p
Yes.. My uncle’s ex wife is abusing him through child support. Some women are crazy evil and know how to manipulate things like child support to get money.
Wait, I thought lawyers ate children.
Misinformed, I guess.
Yes, sometimes..
God Bless..
never. being a child from a broken marriage, I know for a fact that any mother worth anything will use the money to help her children. and they need all the help we can get- we’re expensive!
sometimes yes.
yeah, but what if the mother doesn’t care about the child like she should?
I’m no expert, I’m barely an adult, and have no idea how much child support is, but what if people deliberatly avoid marrying a new spouse, and simply “live in” with another person to keep getting child support?
psh no
well i sort of don’t know… my dad lives in a different state than me and doesn’t pay nearly as much as he’s supposed to, but my mom does just fine with what she has. but we could have a lot more if he paid what he should be paying.
probably not. Are they often unfair? yes. There needs to be a uniform way of determining how much gets paid. It shouldn’t be the person with the best lawyer wins! But I guess that is always the way it goes. Just ask OJ!
uhm… NO…. its a child…. alimnoy, perhaps, child support? NEVER…
I’ve seen child support cases get so bad that the father paying support just left his home and lost contact with his kids. His ex-wife was asking way too much for child support and in doing so, he risked his lifelong relationship with his two sons. In joint custody cases, there should be no child support whatsoever. If the parent with sole custody is not financally stable, the opposing parent should pay some sort of support but not an unreasonable amount so that the parent with custody could completely live off of it. There should definitely be some sort of law against it.
um…NO
It costs bookoo bucks to raise kids!
Yes, definitely. In my case, when my parents split up and my mother got custody, my dad was ordered by the court to pay child support. However, it was a mutual decision between he and my mom that, no matter who had me for the next 18 years, the child support checks would be ripped up and not cashed. I think it should be this way in a lot of divorces. Child support checks are exactly that, support for the child. They shouldn’t be the only means of revenue to the parent who has custody and they most definitely shouldn’t be spent on anything but the child/ren.
I don’t beleive the child gets the full benefit of the money. Child support take a good cut for themselves.
Surely this should be a last resort?
Fa sho.
No.
That’s so hard to say. The idea behind child support is great. Especially since if the person paying had full custody of that child, they’d be paying a lot more. But the fact that it doesn’t always get to the children really hurts. I think there should be a better system of child support.
In some cases a parent does abuse child support, but in others, the parent really needs the money for the child. I’ve personally seen both cases.
Child support slightly seems like one parent is paying the other to have the child/ren live with them, like a payoff or something…
My father was ordered to pay $40/mo for child support. He used to tell me that my mother spent it on herself. Wow- she sure spoiled herself! My mother’s response was – Do you have a roof over your head? Do you go to the doctor? Do you eat? Do you have school clothes?…..It is my understanding that child support is figured based on what the spouse paying the support makes. If it is figured that way, it could never be too high. If the father is making a million dollars a year, the child support should be based on the correct percentage of that. It’s too bad for the child that anyone has to pay child support at all.
no, i dont think so.
its something around half of your salary or something.
i dont know
yes im somewhere near the top!
verdi
my dad pays $300 a month for his other children…they sure live better than me and my two sisters do.
not always.
not always, but it can be abused like crazy
some of the comments on here are outrageious. I think people personalize with these issues and really do not take concerns with the pros and cons to why child support really does take a toll on people’s lives.
I’ve seen many different cases where parents either split because of the high cost, and rank up their child support bills, and put them to debt. Most of them will quit their jobs because c.s will find out their job, and so pretty much thats how it goes.
other times, its the women who really need that, and the men will bail to another state to avoid paying it, etc.
other times, its dead beat moms who will abuse the money and the men suffer.
the system is easily loopholed and most of the time, the children suffer. If its the dead beat mom or dad, the C.S system assumes that the dad is always at fault, and thats just retarted. The custodial parents isn’t always perfect, and thats what is needed to be heard.
But oh well. This is a very difficult matter and too much needs to be considered before CS is taken out. It does however need to be more regimented.
In most cases, it’s not too high. I only have the experience of my best friend and her child, and I know that the loser who is the baby’s father couldn’t pay her enough to make up for everything he’s done to her… but I hesitate to make generalizations based upon my one experience.
A side note: I’ve haven’t been reading this xanga for too long, but I really enjoy it. It’s nice to open up my subscriptions to something worth reading. With that being said, if you’re only reading this xanga religiously to be the first to comment, geez. Go get a job or something.
it should be monitored more closely…
My parents split when I was little, and my mom had a drug habit. You can’t tell me that she didn’t spend dad’s money on her crap…and thats not right.
shouldn’t there be a limit for the spending? so that it wouldn’t go to a wasteful lifestyle of an inconsiderate ex-wife?
Yes. I feel men are treated unfairly when it comes to child support. Especially when the ex-wife is remarried to a man that makes plenty of money. Men do need more rights when it comes to the kids.
Yes, but then again you have people who don’t even pay.
[ariana]
the question shouldnt be “is child support too high” the real question is “who should determine how much child support is to be given??” judges should not determine how much child support should be given, because they are unaware of living situations, parental love, etc. individual caseworkers should be given to each child support case to determine who should give it, and how much should be given….
Well, it changed here in GA so that both parents income is counted. I think that’s more than fair. I think any parent that complains about having to support a child should be shot.
Hub and I pay child support for his two before we pay anything else, $900 a month. I only get $600 a month for my 4 kids, but that’s by choice.. I could by law get $1400 a month.. but I don’t want to break him (even though someone should!)
I hope your weekend was good!
i’m gonna defer on this one, as I usually do when I have no experience or knowledge of the issue. But reading all these responses, it makes me glad my parents have a good relationship.
I might be biased because I’m a child of divorce, but here’s my thoughts anyway. Child support is what it is for a reason. In cases where it is not abused, the amount is fine. I was in the situation where my father payed 400 a month based on his salary from 1987. He has had substantial raises since then and his check should have increased substantially also. If my mother and I hadn’t had the child support money, we wouldn’t have been able to afford our crappy apartment. It might have been crappy, but it was better than having to live off some other family member. My mother only made about a 1000 dollars over the poverty line so we couldn’t get government support. We could barely survive. Without the child support check, we wouldn’t have. If it had been as much as it was supposed to have been, my childhood would have been better. Money isn’t everything, but it does get you the basic necessities, which is important.
No. Isn’t child support determined by what the parent who has to pay it earns? So it can’t be a hardship, unless the parent loses their job, and then can’t they petition the court and seek an adjustment? Both parents should certainly help support the child financially. And think about it….the parent who has custody is the one that deals with the schooling, doctors appointments, recreation, feeding, clothing, dentist, sickness, etc. The other parent just gives money and maybe visition occasionally for a day or a weekend. A lot of “fathers” are dead beats who don’t want to financially support the child they fathered, or give the child any part of their life. Sort of have fun spreading their seed and forget about it. Leave it to the woman to deal with the consequences.
My parents were divorced in the 50′s. My father had to pay 50 bucks a month until I was 18. Wow! Break the bank there. Of course, maybe $50.00 was big money back then….I doubt it though. That is all my dad did in my life. Give that 50 bucks a month to my mom until I was 18. Then his “financial support ended”. He never saw me. He never called me. He never let me in his life. So I say, make the man pay pay pay pay pay. That is about all he is good for. Do I sound harsh? LOL
I think the support for the child should be documented. However, when you chose to engage in bahavior that creates a child, you should be ready to pay for the next 18 years.
It really depends on the case. Most of the time, I don’t think it is. Sometimes? Yes.
Although I’m not answering the question, the child support system can be a little crooked…for instance; I have a friend who’s parents are split up. He lives with his mom, two sisters, and his mom’s long-time boyfriend (well over two years). Why don’t they get married? Because the mom and the boyfriend are reaping the child-support benefits from the friend’s dad, even when they both have better paying jobs than the dad. And they’re not even ashamed of it. If you ask, that’s the answer they will give.
In conclusion, there are little ticks in the child-support system that could be fixed, but as a whole it’s not a bad idea.
“Child support” is money used to “support the children” Many single Moms use the child support to help pay things like, electric bills so that their child or children can have electricity. Some single Moms use some of the money to buy food, so there child or children can eat and Some single Moms use some of the money to buy the child or children clothes so that they don’t run around naked.
Having kids is not cheap.
Even if the parents split and both remarry to other people, the Dad will still pay child support, the child support is to help support the child.
Hello no! In VA the judge issed me $182 a month…what the hell? I paid $250 a month in just child care! Child support helps keep a roof oveer the childs head, electric & water on so the child can read and bathe. food in the fridge sot he child can eat, shoes on the childs feet, extra curricular activities for the kid, it provides the essentials that a child needs. In American a woman still makes 35 to 50% less then a man in the professional world. Studies show that when a couples splits, the man’s lifestyle does not change, however, the woman’s degrades drastically. Child support is necessary and should be increased in most states. I fail to see how the people in here can say with a straight face that no party should be financially responsible for their child, whether it be male or female. While should financial responsibility fall on one parent? It took two to make the kid! I have to tell you, I receive $650 a month from my exhusband…that just puts groceries in the house! I have a 13 year old who is 5 foot 8 inches with a size 10 1/2 foot! I have to pay for that! My 11 year old is outgrowing her pants every 3 months, and I pay for that. School supplies? Me! Soccer, softball, track, tennis, basketball? Me! Gas to get them there…me! Allowance…me! I took a $150 (I did receive $800) out of the kindness of my heart because he remarried a woman with kids (not my problem really). I miss that extra money…it paid for a lot of things. Hell no child support should not be terminated…if anything is should be INCREASED!
heck naw! $300 a month isn’t enough … kids are expensive these days! that is getting off scott free considering the woman has to carry the child … have the child … and in most cases (not all) have the child most of the time (raise them) … while he or she (depending on who is really taking care of the children) complains about a couple of hundred bucks!
no.. and even when its not even that much the deadbeats usually dont pay it anyways… and the state wont do shit about it.. at least not here because my dad owes over 15,000 in back child support for me and over 20,000 for my little sister and they arent making him pay and arent taking him to court or anything.. its bullshit!
TommysMommy….just because she remarried does not excuse the exhusband from his financial obligation to HIS child! Unless he reliquishes his parental rights and allows the new husband to adopt, he is still responsible. The new husband really has no obligation to the child. Sure, he accepted the child along with the mother, but in honest, he married her, not the kid, and has no monetary responsibility to the child.
Hell no Dan!!
Candy XO
yes.
no, it cost raising a child. Most pob dont receive enough money!
I don’t know. But I suspect not. Raising a child anymore is not cheap.
Yes
it depends….my dad pays $100/month for just me…for everything. it’s rough for my mom and me b/c i go to a private school and yeah…so it depends
I pay a rather large sum each month (in relation to my income) in child support but I consider it my obligation.
i think that child support is a good thing, because if the parent were still living with the child, they would be spending the same amount of money on the child directly. And the money that goes to the mother, may go to the mother, but the child is still getting some profit, i’m sure… i think child support is a good thing
Thank-goodness I don’t know.
I think that whoever should payschildsupport should recieve reciepts on the things that they are buying for thier children. It has to add up and if it doesn’t. The parent who isnt’ spending the money right should get in trouble.
Christina
It’s not so much an issue as too high or too low, it’s an issue of the power and control that goes along with the payment of support. I’ve seen fathers take children away from mothers not because they want they children but solely to get out from under the burden of support. I’ve heard mothers complain that they can’t make the payments on their Lexus because the father is just not paying enough.
In some cases child support is needed. In many cases it is only fuel for the fire of conflict.
my mom upon hearing the question:
“*snort* um, NO.”
No, not at all. I have a friend whos mom is a teacher that has to raise four kids. The father won’t pay the child support, but the mom still has to pay alamony so now they can’t afford the house they live in and they have to move away to a smaller house away from all of the kids’ friends. If the dad had paid child support, I think they still could have afforded the house and they still could live by me. To truly understand how big of a deal, you need to realize that my friend is extremely close with me and the other person we live by, and this wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t live by us.
Eva.
why is the price of child support the issue. i fear too many people fight for custody only because they want to make the other’s life more difficult. i agree with the lawyer. generally and cynically, who wants to keep the product of a horrible marriage unless it can gain them some kind of monetary advantage.
+ the receipts thing would never efficiently work. thats easy to fudge.
If you have a brain-sucking evil lawyer, yeah, usually.
mocha frappucino.
some people are abusive.. some are not.. depends on the character of the person.. now, if you think that you’re wife is spending some of your child support in her personal life-style.. then i guess you should talk to her.. and agreead on something..
have a nice day Mr. Dan.. God bless…:)
no
infact it is desgracefully LOW..
is not a dad issue
some moms pay child support ..and it is ..paltry..
it does not come down to a number…
is incredibly sad
That sure makes a lot of sence.
My mom always complains my dad doesn’t pay enough but she would never take him to court for more money.
Amanda
umm. Pass
A devoted Dad will help pay for the needs of his kids anyway. I’ve said no to child support though….just not to fight over it. Not that the father is around much anyway.
Most of the time, yes.
People see the opportunity to get more money from their ex-spouse… It’s stupid.
Nicholas
Since I am going through a divorce and only get child support for one year, no comment. I will say in Il. it’s supposed to be 20 percent of the noncustodial parent. I don’t think that is unreasonable. Kids are expensive and if you can’t help take care of them you shouldn’t of had them in the first place. Unless the kids are not being fed, not in activites, have raggy clothes, I highly doubt the woman is spending all the money on herself. Oh I said no comment, then commented lol.
hey i have a blog topic (just got out of bible study).
“premarital sexual intimacy.”
where is the line and have you crossed it?
well not YOU (as in you, dan, but your readers haha)
Maybe there should be better ways to keep tabs of where the child support money is going, but I definitely think it’s a good idea to have child suppor tto begin with, soncidering that egenrally women get the kids and they make less money than the men.
And here is yet another case where the kids get screwed b/c the parents are being selfish idiots… grrrr
Child Support like most legal contracts created is suppose to go to the children that the couple created before they split. Yes, is the wife or husband receiving the money is abusing it, the issue needs to be addressed other than that I think child support is worth it. Some men or women would not help raise the child they helped create if it were not for it.
Yes. Most cases.
I think child support should be paid in food, clothing, ect. so that the mother can’t abuse the money.
don’t you think it shoudl be based on the percentage of the man/women’s income? or is it done this way already? I dunno. i don’t have kids.
yes- esp in cases of 50-50 custody- at that point imo there should be no support
I don’t think so, but what do I know?
a little boring … trying to make new friends.
They’re all too different to stereotype.
Since I have never been involved with child support, I wouldn’t know, but I think that it is either the father’s or mother’s responsibility (whoever is not taking care of the child) to help financially with the care of their own child, I mean, they had a part in conceiving the child and I guess I have the same view as in abortion… if you make the child, you gotta take care of him/her until they are of age that you don’t have to take care of them anymore, it’s just a responsibility issue.
i was gonna ask you! you know that is the million dollar question! i miss her!
My dad owes over $20,000 in child support. He’s only paid it like 5 times in 14 years. I disagree with your friend. That encourages fathers to just leave their children and the mother and not be responsible. It’s just as much their responsibility as it is for the mother, and damaging to the childs social health when he’s not around. It isn’t fair for men to get out out of it. Your question- It’s not always too high…
it’s people’s own greediness that causes custody problems and disputes over child support. (one way or another).
divorce is so selfish.
Chandra
Not in my case. I think $113/wk is absurd for 3 children.
No it’s not. That’s ridiculous.
I’ll answer this when I win the lawsuit.
a million bucks? oh i wish! you always ask questions … good ones … it’s what you do!
hi Daaaaaaan!
Nuh uh.My mom recieves child support for me, and she does use it for my well-being.I think that the lawyers or judges or whatever should see what the parent uses the checks for, and if they are using it for the well-fare of the child, then they should keep recieving it, but if they aren’t, then it should stop being recived.
They could do this by having the parent recieving the checks turn in reciepts and such to custudy courts or whatever once a month.
Could possibly work.
Sometimes, I’m sure. But, what about these poor women who are left to raise their kids and work three jobs because the guy followed his pecker to greener pastures?? In that case, dude, the guy needs to pay up at least what’s fair.
Well my mother needs the child support to pay for our house. So I don’t think its fair to take it away when it could potentially hurt many families finacially.
Without child support I think there would be way more dead-beat parents (notice how I didn’t specify dead-beat dads). On the other hand I can see where the amounts required could be unfair, or the money is used in the wrong way.
No, I don’t believe so. My father paid 150.00 for 2 children (he lived/lives out of state) and it should have been alot more. My mother worked two jobs at times to provide for us but she did it. She went w/out food at times but we did not. Ever school year we had new clothes (not discount either), school supplies, etc. We went to the dentist, doctor and orthodontist when needed. She was never on welfare and/or food stamps. I admire and appreciate my mother more than she could ever possibly know.
Yes. There isn’t really a way to regualte who actually gets the funds.
God Bless,
Right Winger
I don’t know, I dont have any information regarding your questions, however it maybe easier just to have the child go to the parent that does make money as making money is a sign of some responsibility,
Yes, Child support is high but thats what the parents get. They should have thought it over thoroughly before having a child and the importance of sticking it thru TOGETHER for the sake of the child.
The thing with child support…….when 2 adults arent thoughtful enough to think of the childs future…..growing up in a broken home….the law has to step up . Money can provide stabilty for the child when the parents arent doing it themselves. When 2 ppl raise a child together, the money is shared but when the child is raised in 2 homes, someone has to pay the difference.
Its always way too high or too low…I dont think Ive ever heard of a case when it was just right.
I’d say that depends on the parent mostly.
Some people definitely abuse it.
Probably more don’t.
yes, pay them off, so less love is required.
maybe, but why have it go to the trophy wife?
Not always, but sometimes.
child support should go straight to the child if they are over 16 years of age. Meaning my mom should be givin my ass money right now until im 21.
depends on how much the person makes. In all cases, IF child support was supposed to work its supposed to help the children in need. I think the system needs to micro manage where that money goes to, solely to the child whos entitled to it and should be monitored. If you can’t afford kids, you shouldn’t have them in the first place.
We settle our differences outside of court. My ex wants $1,000/month for 2 kids, so I agree. I don’t know what is the average now a day.
when i was younger, my father was never around. he never paid any money either. i lived with my mom and younger sister [different father]. we had what we needed and not much extra. i can remember going to the grocery store and getting excited if we had enough money for a candybar or a sprite or something. don’t get me wrong, we got stuff, but it mostly came from my grandmother. my sister’s father is just a loser. in and out of jail, but whatever. my father, i’ve seen him maybe 10 times my entire life. i sent him my graduation invitation, just so he would know i wasn’t a loser [like him] and graduated from high school. not a call, not a letter. nothing from him. i don’t even think he really care, but he does pay now, but what good is it? i have my own job and mom has already done everything for me [almost]. the back taxes, i dunno. i guess he’ll keep paying and my mom will use it to support my sister until she gets her own job or whatever since her father is in prison.
I have heard of a few cases where the child support ordered was insanely high…but it matched what the one that was ordered to pay it, made… and if he had been WITH the mother and kids, it probably would’ve came out the same. I think child support is good, because for the most part, moms use it for the kids… I know there are crack whores out there that use it for drugs, shoes for themselves….whatever, but for the most part…we are good moms.
And if Dads are sooo worried about it, then they should take the kids out and buy them everything and deliver the groceries themselves, then they’ll know exactly where the money is going.
Generally speaking child support is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too high. I don’t know of any man who’s paying a fair child support payment.
I’m a single father and I never got a dime of child support. The woman was not expected to pay back then.
Since women are often working anyway and child custody it 50/50 why on Gods green earth is the man paying gigantic child support payments? My brother sees/takes care of/ gives lunch money/ buys clothes / takes the girls to practice/ buys their uniforms AND ON TOP OF THAT pays a bazillion dollars in child support and has trouble making his own ends meet.
The child support system as we know it is not what it should be. A lot of fighting would be avoided if the person who “wins” custody, also “wins” the right to provide a home and living expenses for the child. It would be hoped that the non custodial parent would help, but when the non custodial parent is faced with the burden of providing transportation just to see their child, especially in out of state situations, there is little money often to be had for child support.
$30 per kid per week? Abso-fukcing-lutely NOT “too much”. My mom NEEDED that money when she divorced my abusive father, and he rarely paid it anyway.
probably
in cases I have seen, yes, it totally destroys to person forced to pay, while the other party, even with the kids lives better. Though I would not say this is always the case.
> It can be, but if half those out there for fun thought about it, hard, first, they would’nt have to pay at all if they took the precautions…. Resistance for one…..:~} Bull ! I’m not superman either. But it was a nice thought!? Dream?…..
Peace
Child support has a noble concept (an abdicating parent must contribute to the financial well-being of the child) however, as with all systems, it is prone to absue because of human nature.
However, I think a better system of oversight is required (for example, documentation from the parents recieving child support detailing why and how the money was spent)
However I think a better idea is to make divorce difficult. No divorce except in cases of demonstrable adultery or spousal/child abuse.
Unfortunately, not all parents are good parents. Ideally, the non-custodial parent would pay a reasonable amount, and the custodial parent would use that money only for necessities.
But a lot of your previous comments have shown me that that isn’t always the case.
There has to be a way to ensure that both parents support the child. Perhaps if the child support money could pass through another party and feed back to the custodial parent in a special kind of currency that could only be spent on certain products. Kind of like food stamps.
looks like Mr. Dan is very busy right now.. no new post..:)
looks like Mr. Dan is very busy right now.. no new post..:)
I would say most of the time it is.
usually yes.
First of all, it’s total bullshit that child support supports an ex-wife’s lifestyle. I’ve spent years trying to enforce a mere $96.00 a month for 2 children from a man trying to hide income and which he recently filed a petition in court to discontine!
$96.00 a month does not a lifestyle make.
that’s hard. how do you regulate where the money goes? how do you stop inethical people?
Duh- YES!!! My ex-husband and I have a rather unique story that I am quite proud of. The bottom line, we have eliminated child support, and we don’t fight. We split all (most) costs down the middle, as our daughter is our mutual responsibility…
It does bother me just a bit that his lifestyle is ‘fancier’ than mine. He has a stay-at-home spoiled (rotten) wife, and I still work my butt off. I would prefer to be in her position, honestly.
What I have learned, however, is that even with the above feelings towards his lifestyle/wife, is that if I can remember to put the best interest of our child first, keep it center, and not dwell on comparisons, it will serve not only myself, but also my ex-spouse, and my daughter!
(good topic)
maybe if parents worried about being great parents they wouldnt have to think about that but because of this society divorce does come and child support does play a large part in the whole matter…I went years without getting child support so my children of course didn’t know the finer things of life so that when their dad offered them a house with a bedroom and bathroom for each of them a car when they grow up and anything they wanted they moved there…not knowing why….but they are healthy happy and are great kids…that is my most important thing…
i cant speak for most but i do know that my mother received way to much and abused it in my eyes. celebs get ripped off also. i feel like as long as there is proof of the other providing they shouldnt have to pay so much!
i think i am addicted to your blog and reading all the comments. very interesting. i learn so much at times from other peoples opinions.
No. They aren’t high. I know someone who gets $40 a MONTH in child support. There is no way that is high. Child support is based on 1/3 of the salary of the non-custodial parent. Each state has it’s own guidelines. Child support is not a payoff to the custodial parent. Child support is to help clothe, feed, and support a child. It is supposed to give the child the monetary “stability” he/she would have if the parents stayed together. Taking care of children is not cheap. You have to remember that children are not like toys. You don’t get to just set them aside and walk away when you tire of them. If you make them, you support them or go to jail. And btw, millions of non-custodial parents get away with NEVER paying a dime to help support their children. If you don’t want to support them, and you’re going to whine about supporting them, keep your pants zipped up and don’t make them.
No way. Whichever parent has to pay child support has an obligation to that child AND to their ex-partner to help in taking care of the child.
All I can say is child support was an issue that made my parents shiesty. Using me to go back and forth, fighting for and with-holding money from each other. A lot of money was lost in the long run, that could have put me through college, or the down payment on a house.
But its ok! All it means is everything I have I earned myself. It tastes better because of that…
yeah maybe..
but i guess all the cases is too high.. maybe the parents didn’t support children for their financial problems..
Drak is right. Lawyers DO eat children. I just ate one a few minutes ago. It was delicious.
I don’t know about most cases. I think there is too much abuse of the system, but it happens from both sides. You have the fathers who try to get away with paying as little as possible and you also have the mothers who don’t use the money for the kids. You have the fathers who quit decent-paying jobs so that they can cry “I don’t make enough!” and you have moms who move in with and share living costs with another man, but don’t get married because they want that now ‘extra’ money coming in. You have the dads with the kids and the moms who are dead-beats too; let’s not forget about those. All in all, it’s a terrible situation.
There is no ‘fit-all-situations’ answer.
Having said that, I think that in situations where a guy will have sex and then want no responsibility for any child conceived, men AND women who leave/end a relationship because they ‘need to find themselves’ and other similar reasons should be sterilized.
A friend of mine has been involved with a woman for 8 years. They have a daughter together and she has 3 other kids to 3 other men. She is getting money from all of the other men. She decided that she still needs the “15 year old bubbly I’m in love” feeling and my friend doesn’t do it for her. She is kicking him out. He WANTS to stay and WANTS to be involved with his daughter. He WANTS to provide for her, but living on his own and paying child support is going to grind him into the ground. SHE has already started/(continuing???) to go out looking for this elusive guy. This is one of the few times I can almost justify smacking a woman upside her head and telling her to grow up and start acting like the mom she is.
If I were paying child support, I’d want reciepts showing that the money was actually being used on the kid.
No way! Kids are expensive!!
Are you insane ??? Yes, perhaps in ” celebrity ” cases .. but men AND women should be responsible for their chiildren, period.
Their responsibilites DO NOT END due to divorce, children need not just monetary support, but emotional, and selfish men/women seek custody to AVOID having their lives interuppted financially.
I am a single mother .. and my ex would dearly love not to pay child support; but there are strict stipulations here in Massachusetts, where the original order was granted, but he was transferred to another state ( Connecticut ) but no matter .. the IRS can track any individual who has outstanding child support obligations; and forward their returns to the spouse.
His child support payment is automatically removed from his weekly pay, and sent to me; therefore I don’t have to rely on his ” good intentions ” .. and he is a former ” dead beat ” dad from a previous marriage; when our mutual tax refund was sent to his former wife. I then had to ammend the tax filing, and my accountant had my portion returned to me. I was considered the ” injured spouse ” in that matter; and since I was not in default; his wife had to return a certain amount, so I have been on both sides of the coin, so to speak.
I spoke to her personally, and did feel regret; but …….. I didn’t owe her that money, and her children were on welfare, reaping the benefits from this malignant system, for which we all pay.
High profile child custody cases are horrific, but the legal costs for some become too expensive to continue.
There are too many children who suffer the consequences of not having dual support from the parents who brought them into the world. Remember, they didn’t ask to be here ….
Child support is not to extend lavish grants to the mother/father for their own personal enjoyment .. it’s for the kids, and their needs, or it should be.
Tragically, it’s not always that way.
Ending child support would constitute neglect, with permission , and cause more problems than you could imagine.
Let the famous and wealthy enter into the tacky child custody industry … they can afford the legal expenses … Most, cannot..
THESE DAYS WITH THE ASTRONOMICAL RATES BEING PAID, HITMEN ARE THE CHEAPER ALTERNATIVE.
ALL KIDDING ASIDE. I BELIEVE YOU CANNOT COMPLETELY GET RID OF IT. YOU HAVE DEAD-BEATS AT ONE END, REFUSING TO DO ANYTHING, AND AT THE OTHER, PISSED OFF GREEDY BASTARDS WHO USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO CASH IN. MORE FOCUS SHOULD CIRCULATE AROUND WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING ONCE PAID. ARE THE CHILDEREN THE BEING KEPT WELL. ONE THING IS FOR SURE, WITH DIVORCE RATES AS HIGH AS THEY ARE, SOME REFORM SHOULD BE MADE.
RYN: Yes – I would say that Mel Gibson is much more attractive than William Wallace was.
YES! i know this from experience, because my dad had to pay child support, and still does. my mom sometimes mis-used the money.
Good Morning Dan!
In Texas it is a percentage of the non-custodial parent’s earnings. The child is theirs as well, and so they should pay toward supporting the child. I know someone who struggles to support her two children — the father is a lazy bum who refuses to work and hasn’t paid child support in over a year. They are his kids too and he should get off his butt and get a job. Keep in mind, he’s married twice since divorcing this person and has two more kids from those marriages. If he can’t/won’t support the first two, he shouldn’t be allowed to continue making more . . . .
You know – I think there is a general view here that doesn’t make any sense to me….
The idea that a mother spends the child support on herself is odd. I don’t set aside my child support and try to divide out to pay for the expenses that I spend strickly on my children. Seriously – what would I do? Divide the water bill into 5 parts and use 3 of them for children’s expenses? Buy separate food for the children? Divide the mortgage up as well? Of course not! The child support money is rolled into my income and the expenses for my household are paid from there. I’m also going to point out that if I depended on what I get paid for child support to cover all my children’s expenses, then they would not have enough. Child support is only to contribute to the child or children’s care – not cover every expense!
Child support is based on my ex’s income. There is a maximum amount that can be deducted from his paycheck. I think this is fair. What I don’t think is fair is when a woman decides that she is not going to work after she and her husband split. Not working outside the home may have been a luxury she had while she was still with her husband – once they split up, she is responsible for their care as well! It is irresponsible to not go to work if you are able to do so. (IMO)
how do you differentiate what the receiveing parent uses that money for? Let’s say receiving parent makes $1,000 per month and obviously all of that money would’ve had to go to expenses for living (rent, utilities, child care, school expenses, transportation, food, etc.). Now, non-custodial parent finally starts to pay some child support. That now frees up $300 of her dollars to do whatever the hell she pleases with it. Custodial isn’t using non-custodial’s money. Custodial finally has some free money of their own to spend on whatever they want becuase the non-custodial is obligated to pay, whether non-custodial makes $0 or $1 million. That’s your child, your responsibility. Not mine. Not the states. Not the federal governments. Take care of your damn kids.
only if the parent giving the support is rich. Like, P. Diddy, for example, is paying somethig like $24,000(yes, there are supposed to be 3 zeros) a MONTH in support to a someone whom he had a child with. Now, I’m not a parent, but somehow I don’t think that it takes $288,000 a year to support a child(especially considering my mom supported me and my two sisters on $15,000 a year for about 4and a half years).
It takes so much more than money to raise a child, but I can understand the point of high costing child support. Whoever is raising the child the majority of the time has to drive them to and from after school activities, pay instrument rental fees if they are in band, pay for them to register for sports teams, etc., and that’s just the extra stuff. We get nickled and dimed to death with our kids. I can’t imagine trying to raise them on my own income alone.
RYC: I can’t forsee G and I adopting twin girls, and I’m not sure what “citing romantic precedent” means. I thought that the survey was funnier on sleeky’s site. She was not going to raise an elitist girl.
Are you in the habit of deleting posts ?
My friend documents where every dime of where her child support goes and even saves the receipts. She gets her piddling check on the first of the month and by the time the 10th rolls around the funds have all been spend on the childs medications and nothing is left for the child. When you total the cost of extra space in the home; medical, dental and optical bills; school fees, clothes and supplies, food, shoes, hair cuts, additional insurance premiums, child care while the mother works, toys, and the 1000 other things it takes to raise a child, I think that most child support payments barely cover it. Everyone yells about the man who has to pay $500 a month and accuses his wife of living the life of a jet setter, but no one ever remembers the man who makes a quarter million a year and can’t manage to send that $100 check each month. If you can’t take care of your kids – man OR woman – you don’t need to have them. Perhaps, instead of a monthly check, the judges should require the men to pay all medical bills, cover the kids under insurances and pay for other goods and services directly to the providers they could be assured their child is receiving the benefit of their small contributions.
forget that question .. sorry …
Are you kidding me?!?!! I read your post and nearly flew out of my chair….I cannot believe the self centredness and irresponsibility of some, ALOT of men in this world….There was a time not to bloody long ago where there was no child support, remember what happened then?? Men walked away from families where the Mother had to work two jobs, scrimp and raise those children on her own, then one day someone said ”Hey! thats not fair! That man helped make those children too! If he’s not going to be around for emotional and behavioural support than he can help pay for their raising”….it fries my cookies when I see how many mothers have to chase fathers down for a stipend a month, and if it goes into arrears, women never seen that money…Support the ex’s lifestyle?? Oh wait! I know, the kids have a roof, food, clothing and schooling? Is that the lifestyle? Grow the heck up…and that goes double for women out there that drop their kids off on the father or grandmother or aunt or sister, GROW UP! Take up your respondsibilities, you made these incredible beautiful people, you should be raising them….I know when I had to fight for four years to get less than a quarter of what it cost to raise my three children, working two jobs and going to University my lifesytle was swinging and I didn’t need any child support…..my rant… ’til the next
no my dad pays cs it only 100 a week
hey anyone wanna join our blogring
yes and no…..yes if a woman is going to take advantage of it..and yes alot of women do just so they can live better. sure its for the kids too…but if a woman is going around in new clothes and shoes and not her kids then there is a problem…i have seen this done…no…because alot of women do use the money for their kids andkids only…getting them food cloths and other needs….money doesnt go a long way..bills and other things eat it up if the woman is by herself with a bunch of kids…so its all about the individual….in a lot of cases the father doesnt care to pay and the decent women who care about their children struggle…its sad…..i think in each persons case when it comes to child support needs to be studied better in order to be fair before they give a sentence of how much the man has to pay…make sure its going for the child and child only
YES!! They need to improve the system that’s for sure! If you buy clothes, school supplies, food, ect. for your child that should go towards your child support. And if the court can order you to pay child support you should automaticly get visitation rights. It is so unfair to the fathers that pay thier child support and still don’t get to see their children on a regular basis. Unless they go and petition the court for visitation. But I also believe that child support shouldn’t determine if they get to see the kids or not. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO PAY TO SEE THIER CHILDREN! AND NO PARENT SHOULD USE THIER CHILDREN TO HURT THE OTHER PARENT!!!!!!!
No, If its to expsinsive then take the mother back to court and try to get it lowered… just as long as their paying something…. and they are so concerned aboutit going to the mothers lifestyle, he should by the pampers, groceries, school supplys, school clothes ect… most guys I know, that bitch about paying child support, are mad that the mother does seem to do better, but they are angry that they can’t buy a new motorcycle or boat ect….
I guess it should be an incentive for condom use…. oh, 1 more rant, Some guys bitch about how evil/whoreish their childrens monther is…. 1) I guess you should have been a bit more choosy about who you slept with 2) then get custody and you raise them. Court
child support = automatic visitation???? wtf???? what about cases where the man is abusive??? just cause he’s an ass doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to take responsibility for his children. But hell no, he doesn’t get automatic visitation. Child Support and Visitation are two seperate issues and should never be intertwined.
“And if the court can order you to pay child support you should automaticly get visitation rights. . . But I also believe that child support shouldn’t determine if they get to see the kids or not. ” – Which one is it?
In some cases yes–
A good friend of mine has to pay nearly $1100 monthly because the mother has chose not to work, although she has her B.A. in nursing & was a nurse for 2 years prior to her getting pregnant. The majority of the $$$ is supposed to go toward daycare–which blows my mind because if she doesn’t work then why is the child in daycare???? The mother is dating another man, but has elected to not marry him so she can still receive the child support.
It bothers me because she refuses to let my friend see their son….she moved from Ohio to Wisconsin and has made it nearly impossible to see the baby.
But nonetheless I’m sure that there are mothers out there that really need the $$$$ and use it accordingly because YES children are expensive!!!!!
So long as the amount is determined by the state, how can a man complain? He’s in the same boat as thousands of others. Touchy subject for moi!
Child Support=Automatic Visitation … does not equate, and several of the reasons you mentioned are true .. What if there is abuse ?? And, I agree, if he’s a jerk; he STILL should be required to take responsibility for the children he brought into the world.
My ex CHOOSES not to see our children, as he did with two other children he had.
He has attempted to intimidate me, and wishes ONLY to see my daughter .. never makes any overtures directly to see our son.
He pulled some of the same tactics with his other kids .. get the child who is old enough to choose where they can live; and sway them to his home, with his new wife .. then claim child support can be divided .. in other words .. she is responsible for one , and mother takes the other one .. this is HIS GAME !
I know exactly what he has attempted to do; but my daughter does not wish to comply with his ideas .. He wrote an email to her suggesting she take the bus to Connecticut to see HIM !
He continues .. ” you are a big girl now .. and can come see me ” …. yeah, right.
Even her therapist pointed out to her that if he really was serious about seeing her; he would make the ever so long journey here to Massachusetts, pick her up, etc, etc ….
She has not received an email since; and he never even contacted my son.
Child Support is initially figured out with a regulatory graph, using the income .. and the amount is set.
However .. unless the income is very good … rarely are college educations planned and life insurance policies placed in order .. even the lawyers don’t like getting into those areas, unless, the incomes are substantiaL
The system itself needs overhauling, but not at the expense of the child, which is usually the case.
Hard one to answer. In my case it was perfect! I know that it wasn’t a hardship on the father of my son. In my son’s case…it’s a huge amount of money and knowing both sides I can’t quite wrap my mind around how they figure the $’s.
the cost of having children is too high.
In some cases, but not all. Some mothers do use the money for the wrong things.
who usually wins child custody? Women
who usually pays? Men
who usually gets alimony? women
who usually pays? men
moral of the story? sign a pre-nup
No I don’t think so. And if no one paid child support, then that means WE would end up being their child support!!!!!!! I don’t think there’s really a uniform way of deciding how much should get shelled out. I know a woman that wanted her husband to pay mega bucks in child support and when the court looked at his monthly income…..she was asking for $1000 more that what he made in a month!!! The judge told her she was insane for thinking she would get the amount she requested.
No. Usually it’s not high enough.
People should have to pay more for child support. Since my Dad divorced my mom she doesnt have enough money to pay the bills and she is just barely able to support my brother and I. My mom has never used the money for anything that we didnt need.
People should have to pay more for child support. Since my Dad divorced my mom she doesnt have enough money to pay the bills and she is just barely able to support my brother and I. My mom has never used the money for anything that we didnt need.
A pre-nup is only good for the affluent .. it really doesn’t make sense for the middle class, if we still have one … and pre-nup’s may also be litigated later … so .. ????????
Don’t think single mothers aren’t struggling .. they are .. and as the above post indicates; the children are quite aware of the situation.
I think marriage in general should be MORE DIFFICULT to enter into … but this is not the solution, as many aren’t married and the situation of child support still remains.
Maybe parenthood should require a license ??? If you fail .. then …..
Dan, maybe you should ask this question.
i think most of the time it DOES support the ex-wife.
there are two issues: should child support be required of the non-custodial parent regardless of the gender of that parent? the answer to that is yes. if the mother is primarily responsible for the child, the father should pay some support, but if the father is primarily responsible for the child, the mother should pay some support.
is child support too high? it depends on how it is determined. some people quit their jobs and work under the table so that they show as having no income and then child support is never awarded, when, in fact, they have a more than decent income, just illegal. other people are honest about what they make, but the awards are too high…. it isn’t an easy situation…
Good topic!
I think many times the money does not go 100% to the child as it should. I’ve known many guy friends who can barely live because of the high amount of child support they have to pay each month. In this day & age, there is no reason why the woman can’t also share the $$ responsibility. Child support should not support the woman who just doesn’t want to work& who is scored that the man left her.
No! Usually it’s not enough.
(((((( GRANDMA HUGS ))))))
Lori
Well, you must consider that the person paying (usually fathers) had made the commitment to b ethere throughout the child’s life and as soon as they dont, then they ought to make reparations as best as possible. Sadly, there is no substitute for that parent that is missing, not even cash. I think the cost is too high, but not to the missing parent, the child really suffers because the implications of that burden and the fact that they are no longer an integral part of the parent’s life, other than being a fiscal drain.
Child support can never be too high, as long as it’s not financially burdening the father. There’s is no rpice too high for your children.
Maybe sometimes – but in my opinion, if the jackasses would stick around & actually HELP raising the children that THEY created, we wouldn’t NEED child support. But they DON’T…so we DO.
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
Is child support too high??????
It’s almost never high enough for the average person–not some rich bitch or some real nasty woman–most single women with children have been dumped so that Big Daddy can go off whoring with sluts half his age–and it’s hard enough to get the bastard to pay ANYTHING because he wants to spend it all on his cool new sporty car (or his big truck that makes him feel like his penis is a 20 lb log) and living the swinging party life with his pals.
Most of my friends are from single mother homes–and the Dad is just this self absorbed prick who never sends the check. One of my friends’ dad drove up on the weekend of her birthday–not to see her, but to go to some event–and the fucker didn’t even stop and SEE her, much less drop her a card with a couple of bucks in it.
Hey, assholes! Your part of parenthood didn’t end when the tip of your dick left the mom, you know?
who usually wins child custody? Women
who usually pays? Men
who usually gets alimony? women
who usually pays? men
moral of the story? sign a pre-nup
Posted 2/27/2006 at 12:04 PM by kboy25
Who usually has the responsibility to totally care for the kid? women
Who usually makes a hell of a lot more money in the marriage? men
Who is usually expected to sacrifice her hopes, dreams, goals, and plans so the mate can pursue his? women.
Who expects the little woman to give up everything so that he can be happy and fulfilled? men.
Who usually gets the shit kicked out of them in the marriage? women (and kids)
Who does the kicking? Men
Who always deserves everything she gets (or doesn’t deserve what she is supposed to get)? Women
Who makes that judgement? men.
Who is an idiot who probably couldn’t find his ass with both hands and a flashlight? kboy25
Who says? Me.
Ok some of you are very misinformed…. child support DOES NOT equal visitation. They two completely different issues. There are people who have to pay child support who are unfit to see their children. They have no visitation but have to pay.. And there are those who don’t pay but still get to see their kids because you can’t break a court order that requires you to let your kids visit the deadbeat.
who tha hell are you
I think many times the money does not go 100% to the child as it should. I’ve known many guy friends who can barely live because of the high amount of child support they have to pay each month. In this day & age, there is no reason why the woman can’t also share the $$ responsibility. Child support should not support the woman who just doesn’t want to work& who is scored that the man left her.
Posted 2/27/2006 at 1:09 PM by Sierra_Poet
Sure, Sierra Poet, you little sweetie pie. Wait til one of your poor abused “guy friends” gives you a couple of little souveniers of his affection then leaves you stuck with the little carpet commandoes while he goes off and finds a younger, less haggard little sweetie (like YOU are NOW) to be “friends” with.
You’ll be singing a different tune when you are working a dead end shit job that ALMOST pays for your day care while daddy bitches about sending a check big enough to keep the kids in pampers and gerbers.
GEEZUS. Grow a fucking BRAIN.
Kids ain’t cheap, and women don’t have the earning power of men. It’s a sad fact of life, her in the land of the “free.”
It really all depends. It may be too high for some people to be trusted with, but others can be trusted with large sums of money with no problem.
i dont kno
I DON’T THINK CHILD SUPPORT IS TOO HIGH CONSIDERING WHAT YOU ARE SUPPORTING. HOWEVER, IN THE FIRST YEAR AFTER MY DIVORCE 5 YEARS AGO IT HURT THE FRIENDSHIP THAT MY EX & I HAD TOTALLY. THE NEXT YEAR HE TOOK 100% FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY & WE MODIFIED THE DECREE SO THAT WE BOTH GET A WEEK WITH OUR SON, SWITCHING BACK & FORTH FROM FRIDAY TO FRIDAY. IT WAS THE BEST THING THAT WE COULD HAVE DONE…WE HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP & HE TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING FINANCIAL & IT TAKES ME OUT OF THE MONEY LOOP. IT WORKS PREFECTLY & I THINK THAT IT SHOULD BE AN OPTION FOR ALL DIVORCING PARENTS. BUT SADLY, MOST MOMS DO JUST WANT THE MONEY SO THAT THEY HAVE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION & THEIR EX. NO OFFENSE GIRLS BUT IT’S TRUE IN MOST CASES!
YES!
I get child support, right now I use it to pay for day care, once my son is out of daycare I plan on putting all the money in his college fund. I get 300 a month for one child. Is that high? I don’t really know….
I costs a lot to support a child. Once parents cannot get along, and when they finally split….how can that be redeeemed? IT may go to support the mom’s weirdness…..but the obligation is there. I told my friend who couldn’t take it that at the minimum he had to put that money into a trust for the kids…..it is too easy to spend it on yourself and blame the “horrible” spouse……It takes a LOT to really love a child…
I would have to say yes.
I can talk about both sides. I recieve child support for my son with my first husband and my hubby now pays support for his daughter. The state takes money from my ex’s check and sends it to me because he will not pay it on his own. He pays $65 a week. I could take him to court and get more, but I feel he is atleast contributing to my son’s expenses. My husband pays more than $65 a week and also carries insurance on his daughter, he does so willingly. We believe that if you have a child you should be financially responsible for that child. Child support is very important for many custodial parents, but I don’t think it should break the bank of the noncustodial parent. My state says 20% after taxes.
I way agree child support is stupid
Sometimes yes, but I’m leaning towards no.
Speaking from someone who is not getting support it is hurting the children more with me trying to scrape by on my income and provide for them then it would be if he would help out a little at least.
No. I only get $65 a month.
I also want to add that my mother got 100 a month for three children when we were kids. We had absoultely NOTHING growing up. It is a sticky situation because there are so many people that abuse the money they don’t use it for what it is intended THE KIDS, I don’t even think of my cs as MY money, it is my sons money. My husbands ex get cs and she is constantly going to mexico or fun vacations while their two children have holes in thier jeans, so who picks up the slack? We do, and he pays her cs plus, 1/2 of extracirricular activies, carries thier health care insurance and we have them all the time, so in that case I think my hubby does pay to much. It totally depends on the situation. She should pay us cs, since they practically live with us… it is all a situation instance.
If a man is afraid of child support hurting him, he shouldn’t be having sex. Or at least he should be having very careful condoms-and-the-pill sex. You do it, you deal with the consequences, whether a child was the desired outcome or not.
Passing this along:
God’s Law on Custody of Children and the Marriage Relationship
The Bible:-
Genesis – women’s liberation PROHIBITED by God
3:16 Unto the woman He (God) said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be subject] to thy husband, and HE (thy husband) SHALL RULE OVER THEE.
3:17 And unto Adam He said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife (and obeyed her instead of Me), and hast eaten of the tree, of which I COMMANDED thee, saying, Thou shalt NOT eat of it: cursed [is] the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat [of] it all the days of thy life;
Numbers – God says the father has authority over HIS children:-
30:2 If a man vow a vow unto the “I AM”, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.
30:3 If a woman also vow a vow unto the “I AM”, and bind herself by a bond, [being] in her father’s house in her youth;
30:4 And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.
30:5 But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the “I AM” shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her.
In order to exercise his authority over his children as God commanded the father has to have custody and have them living in his house (Numbers 30:3); which is later confirmed by God in His Holy Koran; otherwise it makes a nonsense of God’s Command and makes the fulfillment of His Command impossible.
1 Corinthians – CONFIRMATION that WOMEN’s LIBERATION is PROHIBITED
11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God.
11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover [his] head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.
11:8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
14:34 Let your women keep silence in the communities: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but [they are commanded] to be under obedience, as also saith The Law (of God – Gen. 3:16). (Be seen and not heard and children also).
14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a disgrace for women to speak in the community.
Ephesians – confirmation that EQUALITY of sexes is PROHIBITED
5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the community: and he is the saviour of the body.
5:24 Therefore as the community is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in EVERY thing.
5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the community, and gave himself for it;
5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of [Living] water by the Word,
5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious community, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the community:
Colossians – EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED
3:17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, [do] all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father by him.
3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
3:19 Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.
3:20 Children, obey [your] parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children [to anger], lest they be discouraged.
Titus – EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED
1:15 Unto the pure all things [are] pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving [is] nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled.
1:16 They claim that they know God; but in [their] works they deny [Him], being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.
2:1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:
2:2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in
faith, in charity, in patience.
2:3 The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holy women, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their [husband's] children,
2:5 [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
2:6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.
2:7 In all things showing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine [showing] uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,
2:8 Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.
1 Peter – EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED
3:1 Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the Word, they also may without the Word be won by the conversation of the wives;
3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear.
3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward [adorning] of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
3:4 But [let it be] the hidden Man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, [even the ornament] of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
3:6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Timothy – EQUALITY of sexes PROHIBITED
2:11 Let the woman learn in SILENCE with all subjection.
2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to USURP authority over the man, but TO BE IN SILENCE.
2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
3:1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
3:2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
3:3 Forbidding to marry, [and commanding] to abstain from meats (become vegetarian), which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the Truth.
Leviticus – busybodies condemned
19:16 Thou shalt not go up and down [as] a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I [am] the “I AM”.
1 Timothy – busybodies condemned
5:11 But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry;
5:12 Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith.
5:13 And withal they learn [to be] idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
1 Peter – busybodies condemned – and also explaining that evil will be spoken (by those in authority) about those who support God’s Law and not men’s laws.
4:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are sharers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
4:14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy [are ye]; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.
4:15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or [as] a thief, or [as] an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.
4:16 Yet if [any man suffer] as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.
4:17 For the time [is come] that Judgment must begin at the House of God: and if [it] first [begin] at us, what shall the end [be] of them that obey not the gospel of God?
4:18 And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the unGodly and the sinner appear?
4:19 Wherefore let them that suffer according to the Will of God commit the keeping of their souls [to him] in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.
Deuteronomy -
Man-made laws are PROHIBITED by God.
Therefore man-made laws giving custody of a man’s children to his wife are ILLEGAL. As also are laws giving women equality with men, or a say in their, or public, affairs.
Blackstone; the authority on English law, whose teaching is still studied today; says that any legislation that contravenes the Law of God is not an enactment and cannot be enforced.
Deuteronomy
4:1 Now therefore hearken, O Israel, unto the Statutes and unto the Judgments, which I teach you, for to DO [them], that ye may LIVE, and go in and possess the land which the “I AM” God of your fathers giveth you.
4:2 Ye shall not ADD unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish [ought] from it, that ye may keep the Commandments of the “I AM” your God which I COMMAND you.
12:32 What thing soever I command you, observe to do it: thou shalt not add thereto, nor diminish from it.
Matthew – Christ confirms that God’s Law is Eternal
5:16 Let your Light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy The Law, or the Prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no way pass from The Law, till all (the prophecies) be fulfilled.
5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least COMMANDments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the Kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach [them], the same shall be called great in the Kingdom of heaven.
5:20 For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall EXCEED [the righteousness] of the lawyers and politicians (who were also priests), ye shall in no case enter into the Kingdom of heaven.
Deuteronomy – Keeping God’s Law gives Life Eternal; any other (man-made) law gives death eternal
30:8 And thou shalt return and obey the voice of the “I AM”, and do all His Commandments which I command thee this day.
30:9 And the “I AM” thy God will make thee plenteous in every work of thine hand, in the fruit of thy body, and in the fruit of thy cattle, and in the fruit of thy land, for good: for the “I AM” will again rejoice over thee for good, as He rejoiced over thy fathers:
30:10 If thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the “I AM” thy God, to keep His Commandments and His Statutes which are written in this Book of The Law, [and] if thou turn unto the “I AM” thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul.
30:11 For this Commandment which I command thee this day, it [is] not hidden from thee, neither [is] it far off.
30:12 It [is] not in heaven, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?
30:13 Neither [is] it beyond the sea, that thou shouldest say, Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it unto us, that we may hear it, and do it?
30:14 But the Word [is] very near unto thee, in thy mouth, and in thy heart, that thou mayest do it.
30:15 See, I have set before thee this day life and good, and death and evil;
30:16 In that I command thee this day to love the “I AM” thy God, to walk in His Ways, and to keep His Commandments and His Statutes and His Judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the “I AM” thy God shall bless thee in the land where thou goest to possess it.
30:17 But if thine heart turn away, so that thou wilt not hear, but shalt be drawn away, and worship other gods, and serve them;
30:18 I denounce unto you this day, that ye shall surely perish, [and that] ye shall not prolong [your] days upon the land, where thou passest over Jordan to go to possess it.
30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, [that] I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live:
30:20 That thou mayest love the “I AM” thy God, [and] that thou mayest obey His voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto Him: for He [is] thy Life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the “I AM” sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.
31:1 And Moses went and spoke these words unto all Israel (the Brit-ish).
Matthew – Christ confirms that God’s Law is Eternal
5:16 Let your Light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy The Law, or the Prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no way pass from The Law, till all (the prophecies) be fulfilled.
5:19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least COMMANDments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the Kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach [them], the same shall be called great in the Kingdom of heaven.
5:20 For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall EXCEED [the righteousness] of the lawyers and politicians (who were also priests), ye shall in no case enter into the Kingdom of heaven.
The Koran:-
GOD’S COMMAND ABOUT THE MAN’S AUTOMATIC CUSTODY OF HIS CHILDREN and their weaning. Women do NOT have rights over children; they only bear children FOR THEIR HUSBAND.
Sura 2:231. When ye divorce women, and they fulfill the term of their abstinance from sexual relations (‘Iddat), either take them back on equitable terms or set them free on equitable terms but do not take them back to injure them, (or) to take undue advantage if any one does that he wrongs his own soul. Do not treat God’s Signs as a jest, but solemnly rehearse God’s favours on you, and the fact that He sent down to you the Book (Bible) and Wisdom, for your instruction. And fear God, and know that God is well acquainted with all things.
2:232. When ye divorce women, and they fulfill the term of their abstinence from sexual relations (‘Iddat), do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on equitable terms. This instruction is for all amongst you, who believe God and in the Last Day. That is (the course making for) most virtue and purity amongst you and God knows, and ye know not.
2:233. The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms. No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear. No mother shall be treated unfairly on account of her child. Nor father on account of his child, an heir shall be chargeable in the same way. If they both
decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye (men) decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided ye pay (the mother) what ye offered, on equitable terms. But fear God and know that God sees well what ye do.
A Message for YOU from God in The Koran
And why should YOU not fight in the Cause of God and of those who, being weak, are ill-treated (and oppressed)?- men, women, and children, whose cry is: “Our Lord! Rescue us from this town, whose people are oppressors; and raise for us from Thee One who will protect; and raise for us from Thee One who will help!”
Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing (alcohol; tobacco; etc.) which is bad for you. But God knoweth, and ye know not.”
We know best what they say; and thou art not one to overawe them by force. So admonish (fight and correct) with the Qur’an (Koran) and Bible such as fear My Warning!
O ye who believe (God)! If ye obey the Unbelievers, they will drive you back on your heels, and ye will turn back (from Faith) to your own loss. Amen – JAH
yes it should be lowered but by no means eliminated completely i feel this way mostly because if for one the male/female that gets the cash outt’ve it is a single parent then it maybe very well be needed to support the kid but it needs to be verified every now and then that two out’ve two things are happening
1.the parent is being a good parental figure towards the kid and 2.the money is going to help the child not just the parent
There wouldn’t be a need for custody battles if people would stay together.
Kinda impossible nowadays. It seems like there are more divorces than there are marriages.
I think child support should be based on how the relationship ended. Say for instance, the father cheated on the mother, he should pay more than average. That sort of thing.
I’m not really sure how they figure out how much child support someone gets. My dad pays my mom $318 /mth, yet my cousin, she has 3 boys, and she only gets $400. Then there’s this guy I know, he pays $1000 for just his daughter.
Crazyness.
i think in some cases at least a percentage should be put into a trust fund for the child to use for college or whatever when they are 18…. they could do that to help prevent abuse if there is a question of it….
No!