May 31, 2007
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IM Etiquette
This post is based on a message I received via the message box.
A lady had commented back and forth with another person on xanga. She wanted to ask her about something and saw her IM was on her site. She contacted her via IM and the lady acted like she was offended that she used her IM without asking to contact her first.
Is it proper etiquette to ask before you contact someone via IM?
Comments (103)
well if someone is going to publicly display their IM screenname, then they should expect people to IM them at any given moment. Ridiculous.
oh crap i was first. lol
I usually do.
**laughs** What if she was offended that she hadn’t used IM to make sure it was alright to email her? Obviously you’re going to have to take some “first step” so that might as well be it.
I don’t think that’s proper at all.
well…its not a bad thing if u im someone w/ out asking…enless ofcourse u do it and u dont know for sure that it is them on the computer..then u might want to watch whet u say and ask if it is them first!
if its posted then people should be able to use it without asking…if they don’t want people talking to them on the im without asking first then don’t post it…dumb people
Yes, unless you’re a horny misguided girl with a web cam and you’re not The Trun. Seriously, stop messaging me, The Trun.
ummm, if you list it on your site, I think it’s fair game for people who visit your site to use to contact you.
give me that womans im so i can bitch slap her stupid ass.
Not if she has her IM name on her site! If she doesn’t want to be contacted that way, she shouldn’t list it! (duh!)
I don’t think its wrong. She had her IM up on her site. You know what ticks me off? People will go surfing around Xanga on my site, then they have their friend lock enabled.
Or they don’t lock their Xanga and at the bottom of their post is a little word called “comments”. You leave them a comment and they act like you are some perv or troll, when they are the one with comments enabled. If you put up a post and you enable comments or IM for that matter, why are you so surprised when someone answers?
If you are surfing other sites (namely mine), you have a lot of nerve to put your friends lock on. I think you know who you are.
If you don’t want contacted, don’t give it out/make it public.
Maybe she was having an incredibly bad moment…otherwise, she has no common sense!
Not if you make it public in the first place!!!
anything you’ve made public is up for grabs, I say…
*hugs*
My feeling is this…I don’t put information up that I don’t want people to use – I haven’t posted my real email or IM because I don’t want people to use it…If you put it up, then expect people to use it. I think posting it IS permission, as far as I’m concerned.
Hugs!
anyone who wants to can IM me or leave me comments….. im an internet whore….. so ill give myself to anyone and everyone….
weel, brush de brush dont be in a rush.
I thot i saw a puddy cat. dont ya know? The game is played con ge. Me no like dis. Wel, later.
You can only be an internet whore if you’re paid to give yourself to anyone and everyone – you’re probably an internet slut/community bike.
People are morons.
If you’re making it public to start with… then duh, people are going to IM you.
No! It’s just like e-mail. There’s no rule about asking permission before you e-mail someone.
That woman sounds like she just has a bug up her ass.
Why would you have it public if you didn’t want people to IM you? And how would they contact you to see if it was ok?
Ditto to what the first person said. Geeze, if you don’t want contacted, don’t put it out there.
how about if u dont want strangers to im you don’t make ur s/n public
If the woman has her screen name posted on her Xanga then I would also assume that she wants people to contact her. I agree with the commentor who said that posting it is giving permission to use it.
if you don’t want to be contacted, then don’t post your IM name. that’s pretty simple.
I would rather be asked first-being from the south I consider it polite, but I don’t expect it, esp if it’s public knowledge. However, I usually don’t answer someone whose name I don’t recognize and they usually find themselves in my iggy box.
people are asses. if oyu have IM, you should know that people will contact you without asking.
Seems to me that if you don’t want people IMing you whenever, you shouldn’t put that information on your Xanga for all to see.
No. If you don’t want to talk to someone, don’t answer their emails/IM’s. It works for me, and it can work for you too!
Yeah it’s inappropriate! I mean, I put my phone number on my website and people actually called me! I was so offended! Same with my address- people actually sent me LETTERS! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! I just put that stuff on there because the form allows me to enter it in, it’s not like I actually WANT people to contact me that way! Some people are so RUDE!
She sounds like she had a stick up her ass. Etiquette is vastly important, but if you publicly post your AIM on your blog?
It’s an open solicitation for instant messages from strangers.
If it’s just right there you can use it, it’s just awkward because you don’t know who it is. I do prefer if someone asks me first, then I’m expecting it. But don’t get mad over an IM…
Well, it depends. If you display it on your public site, then I think you’ve already invited people to IM you.
I agree with a lot of the above comments about making it public.
So, no, it’s not etiquette if the information is already public. If the info isn’t public, well, that’s another story.
Well..if it’s posted on her xanga for all the world to see, i’d say it’s perfectly fine to im her.
i don’t have mine on my site because i want people to ask before they use it .. so that’s what she should have done if she didn’t want people to use it.
no if she has a problem with it she shouldnt put her aim up and also she can just write leave a message on her page.
reminds me of the prelude to a question – asking “can I ask you a question?” prior to posing the actual question
out of courtisy yes, but if you put your IM name on the site for all the world to see what do you expect.
if you put your IM on your xanga consider that your signed waiver of permission to be contacted via IM by any literate person
If its publicly listed then its fair game.
Seems like this has already been well answered… if you don’t want to be contact, don’t hand out the means to contact you.
If a person has their IM usrname displayed, they shouldn’t be offended if someone contacts them. Sounds like that woman has a prob.
Candy
i agree that it’s better not to post your IM unless you want people to use it… but i would probably still ask first, just to make sure.
“If you are surfing other sites (namely mine), you have a lot of nerve to put your friends lock on. I think you know who you are.”
Hell yes!
Also, don’t subscribe to my site if you have friends lock enabled. Creepy, man.
No. I agree with all those who who said that if you put your screen name out there people will IM you.
hell yeah.. its very rude to i.m someone without contacting them first. i get this alot and for that reason i have a long list of blocked sns
I’m always happy to argue with random idiots. Idiots: my AIM is holdenwm.
no, thats the point of putting up your screen name
Like the first person said, if you post your IM name, you’re opening inviting a person to IM you. You want to be asked, don’t put it out there.
if you don’t want the public to use it, don’t make it public.
I have several stalkers who manage to find out my IM screennames somehow. It’s rather annoying. That’s why I don’t give them out publically: my stalkers will find me.
is that what the voices in your head tell you caleb?
Not if the person posts it publicly.
Since the lady put her IM screen name out for the public, she should expect that people would IM her whenever. If you want someone to ask first, then don’t make it public!
If someone posts it to the public without noting to ask first, that’s an invite to IM. I personally don’t do it (I prefer e-mail or xanga PM), but if they don’t want to be contacted that way, don’t post it to the public.
I mean, geesh…to me that’s a no-brainer. But then again, some people have no brains.
it is polite; but I personally don’t mind, so long as whomever it is messages me introduces herself first off.
I would assume that it would be okay to contact someone via IM if they had put their IM out there for people to use.
don’t put ur aim on xanga if you don’t want people to contact you. Sigh.
If you’re going to put your screen name up on your public site, you should expect strangers to IM you.
Duh.
No idea!
I think if you have your IM on your site it is like having an open invitation for people to send you messages. If you want people to ask your permision first don’t put it up there
If it’s displayed on your site than it’s free game.
I personally prefer people to at least have commented on my Xanga first, but that doesn’t always happen.
Wait!- What is the question?
I just sell thier AIM and Email address for money….so post them where I can find them!!
GOT YA!!!
If you have your screen name displayed, that’s basically an open invitation.
Not if she made it public information. Sheesh, what do people think will happen if they display it!?
That person should NOT have put her info out there.
No, you shouldn’t make it public if you don’t like random im’s
if somebody publicly displays their screen name on their personal website, it’s an open invitation for anyone to IM them.
I don’t use AIM often, but I have gotten random IM’s. If you make your name public, people have every right to do it, even if it is a little odd.
If the person puts their IM on their site then they should expect to receive IMs from people.
I usually do try to contact a person before I IM them just as a head’s up but in no way is it bad etiquette to use the information that they made available to the public.
No you put it up, it is intended to be used.
Something the Deflate of the week will have noticed. I never get angry unless they keep changing their xanga and hanging around me after I have told them they are not welcomed. Adolescent males can be a bit obsessive at times.
If anyone knows what I taking about, he is harmless, just a bit anoying.
I agree with the first comment. If fact, that’s almost exactly what I would say.
she shouldn’t be offended
if she made it public on
her site. and if the other
lady introduced herself,
what’s the problemo?
Wow. If you are xanga commenting… I would rather have an IM conversation to just not get email.s It seems strange to be annoyed at someone for utilizing your public sn to talk to you in a faster fashion when you’re having a conversation.
If you post that information…anyone can get to it…
If you don’t want people contacting you..don’t post it. That makes people ask for it.
I think she’s overreacting.
Perhaps she is wearing a body girdle and has compromised the blood flow and oxygen to her brain……that’s like opening up your site for anonymous posts and then getting offended for not knowing who they are. Tell me, what IS the cool thing about the anonymous posts? Maybe I’m too old to see the intrigue.
By posting it, I guess she’s sort of implying that it’s okay, but I post mine and I think I’d still prefer if they checked with me before doing so.
its ok if they have it posted, otherwise they should not post it. but dont im someone and act like you know them.. and dont get personal, maybe just talk about general stuff.
dont assume just cause someone is online they are going to tell you thier whole life-story and personal info either.
Daniel (doubledb)
well, i think it can be.
but if the woman had it publicly displayed for everyone to see, then she has to deal with random people IMing her.
If it’s publicly listed, you shouldn’t feel bad about IMing. But I’d ask if it was a good time before I launched in on what I had to say.
thats assinine… if you make it public… then its for public use… if she doesnt want random ppl messaging her… she shouldnt make it available to said ppl…
If you display it, they will IM.
Don’t display it if you don’t want IMs. Sheesh
Not if the person posts it publicly.
i think it depends on the time you do it. i know sometimes i am very paranoid about strangers iming me. but i also like meeting and talking to new people. so i have to be in the right frame of mind. a lot of time i will im the person back later and start a conversation up again if it’s one of those paranoid days.
Not when the screen name is publicly posted, as many other people have said.
However, I wouldn’t do it, just because it seems kind of forward. But that’s a judgment call.
um, if she allows the option to show her sn on her xanga page, isn’t the whole point to have people message her?
if you make your AIM public…expect people to contact you. That’s how I met one of my good good friends…but sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.
LOL they were already talking? that’s like having an aim and msn, and your friend only knows one. Then finds out the other, and you’re all offended. That’s messed up lol.
If you post it, people should be able to use it. That person is just silly…or stupid. (yep, that’s me – two comments and each of them called people stupid.) haha
Don’t post it if you don’t want it used.
If you don’t want people to use a service to reach you, don’t publicize the information in which they can do that. It’s rather understood that if you put your IM name up for public view that eventually someone will use it to contact you. Don’t like it, remove it. It’s not that complicated, just giving an excuse to be pissed off. You can also adjust your service to only allow IMs from people on your buddy list. Honestly I don’t see what the big deal is here.
Her IM should not be listed if she does not want to be contacted.
No. If she doesn’t want random ims from strangers then don’t publicly post your sn.
i figure that, if you give your e-mail address, you should expect contact…or don’t provide it….besides, xanga lets you respond, for free…..what a baby…good topic….keep-a-goin’……peace… animal
If you have your IM name publicly displayed, it’s fair game. If you want people to ask first, then make it private and people have to ask for your screen name.
(people amaze me sometimes!)
If you know a person’s Im,I think it’s ok to use it(if they post it, I think it’s ok)
If it’s someone you don’t know, yeah, probably.
If you” post” it, they will come.
I didn’t really know there was etiquette for that…
If your IM is on the page, ti is fair game
yes she should not have made it public if she has a problem with people im’ing her