September 18, 2009
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8 So-Called “Chivalrous” Moves That Creep Us Out
I was reading an article titled “8 So-Called ‘Chivarlous’ Move that Creep Us Out” and apparently there are some things women don’t want us doing anymore. Here is the link: Link
Here are the things that men should not do according to the article:
- Ordering my meal for me.
- Letting me win at a game of Scrabble/pool/bowling when you are clearly better.
- Using a code term for going to the bathroom.
- Pulling out my chair.
- Carrying my purse.
- Asking my dad for my hand in marriage.
- If you’re paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip.
- Helping me put me coat on.
Here is the link: Link
The one that surprises me is that a man is not supposed to ask the woman’s dad for her hand in marriage.
Should a man ask the woman’s dad for her hand in marriage?
Comments (162)
nope because what if the dad says no clearly- then he’ll hate you for eloping with his daughter or you two wont get married at all
If the woman in question is a self proclaimed “old fashioned” girl then yes, otherwise, probably not?
No, I wouldn’t want my man to ask my dad. Who cares what my parents say anyways.
I don’t see a problem with it. Why is pulling out the chair annoying? Some of those are stupid.
The only ones I would hesitantly agree to would be:
<li>Ordering my meal for me. <li>Letting me win at a game of Scrabble/pool/bowling when you are clearly better. <li>Using a code term for going to the bathroom.
The rest aren’t bad at all. I like it when a guy helps me put on my coat. And while it doesnt matter either way, if he dad ask my dad for my hand in marriage I’d think it was a little romantic.
I definitely want my future husband asking my dad first. Although I am probably more picky than my dad would be.
most of those are stupid.
I actually think it’d be kinda cute if a guy asked my dad if he could marry me. And my dad would think it was hilarious xD
I generally always pay for dinner. I only go half if it’s one of those aggressive, insistent broads.
Some of these are kind of stuffy; I can see how women of today would like if men “loosened up” more.
I definetely don’t want the man asking my father for my hand in marriage. This is for the boy’s own sake. I can already envision the questions Dad’s going to ask…not good.
If you want him to render you unable to bear children, yeah, it’d be nice to ask him.
And kinda funny, I do all those other things already. Maybe I’m too nice.
4, 5, and 8 are dumb. It’s still perfectly acceptable for a guy to do those things, at least in my opinion – of course, as long as he doesn’t push it with trying to carry my purse, otherwise I’ll think he might want to make off with it, lol.
And of course a man shouldn’t ask a girl’s dad for her hand in marriage. He should ask HER.
it was an honor to have Scrooge ask my dad for permission to marry me…it was a joke when my dad gave him a 20 and said that’s enough gas money for Tahoe isn’t it…LOL…Scrooge was seriously thinking about taking him up on the offer…then my mom and I stepped in and that was the end of that…but not before my dad said that he could have me with all “his blessings”…that ment more than anything else…smile
I can see how it’s kind of cute to do so, but… honestly, it’s not my dad’s decision anymore. It’s mine, and asking him makes it seem like I’m just an object to be bartered over.
Most of those I don’t agree with, though, and asking my dad if you could ask me to marry you wouldn’t be a deal breaker and I wouldn’t think you were an asshole for doing it, especially if it’s not, “Am I allowed to marry your daughter?” but “Are you okay with me entering your family?”
@Drakonskyr - They’re the best in the sack though.
Yeah those are all really creepy; or at least exhibit a sense of possessiveness.
Why is that creepy? It’s polite and seems like the right thing to do.
good Lord, if a guy asked my dad for my hand in marriage, I would be quite….uhh….fascinated!
That treats women like a piece of property. I loved my dad dearly, but I was 21 when I got married and while he had the right to advise me, he had no right to either grant or withhold permission.
Come on, pulling out my chair and helping me on with my coat are simple courtesies. I’ve helped men on with their coats before.
I wouldnt carry her purse anyway.
@AibellFaeire - I use my penis to enter families, if you know what i mean. ;P
@SerenaDante - but what about the kissing her hand when you meet her? is that creepy?
Ok the lesbian who wrote that article and I need to talk…stat!
Yes I think whoever wants to marry you should go talk to the parents…then they are all ok with it…
@AibellFaeire - Truf. Though if you get into an argument over who pays, typically the sex is even hotter.
Asking my dad for my hand in marriage was a nice gesture of respect to him. There nothing creepy about. What is with this thing about tips. If I ask someone out for a meal, I am paying that includes the tip. You ask me I would expect the same thing. Now if we are just going out for a meal (mutual decision) that is another story. What is with this tip thing
@Gerald_Washington - Lol, a bit if it’s really the first meeting, but if you’ve known a guy for a while then no, not so much.
I would only be cool with a guy asking my father if he can marry me if I could also ask his mother for permission to marry him.
I think that if a guy pulled out a chair for me or help me put my coat on I wouldn’t find him creepy..
Yeah.I love knowing that my parents are OK with me getting married to my fiance.It creates less conflict and it’s nice to have you’re parents be there for the wedding and be truly happy for you.
I want the whole woman, not just her hand. *drum crash*
What! No boobs on this post? Are you feeling ok, Dan?
I’d say that depends on the girl and her family.
If the lady and her father are sworn enemies then asking her father is probably not a good idea.
If the family is pretty traditional and close knit then asking is probably a good idea.
@Drakonskyr - Angry sex is why I get up in the morning.
No. He wants to marry me, not my dad.
I’d be pissed if a man ordered my meal for me. Unless I asked him to, like if the menu’s in a language I can’t read.
People should really cut guys some slack. These things aren’t too bad, all considered; and besides, if it’s with good intention, I see nothing wrong with a bit of chivalry; it’s refreshing.
<li>Ordering my meal for me. -If it’s my choice of what I want and he just tells the waiter/waitress what I want to have, I see no problem in this. However, if he tells me what to eat/drink/etc., then he obviously has a control issue and it’s a problem.<li>Letting me win at a game of Scrabble/pool/bowling when you are clearly better. -I am utterly apathetic. <li>Using a code term for going to the bathroom. – Isn’t “going to the bathroom” a euphemism in itself for urinating (/defecating)?<li>Pulling out my chair. – This is only a problem if my chair is being pulled out from under me and I fall on the floor.<li>Carrying my purse. – Guys should help with my suitcases, but unless it’s a drag queen carrying my purse I’d really feel a bit uncomfortable with this one.<li>Asking my dad for my hand in marriage. – This one doesn’t personally apply to me because I am never getting married and I have a terrible relationship with my father to begin with.<li>If you’re paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip. – I have absolutely no problem with a guy paying for me. It’s easier than spending my own money; and besides, if the relationship doesn’t work out, at least I got a few free drinks/meals out of the affair!<li>Helping me put me coat on. – Any boy worth my time should be ripping it off with his teeth.Putting his coat on the ground to save my shoes from puddles should be on the list. Shoes are made to wear outside; and besides, if it’s raining, I’m not going to be wearing fancy shoes to begin with.
My first husband did, I thought it was sweet. Obviously didn’t help the marriage so much since he is my ex.
I would appreciate if he asked for their blessing or support, but I think permission might be a lil overboard.
I don’t have a father, but i would want my guy to ask my mother for my hand in marriage. It shows that he respects my mother. If she said no, then i’d be like “fuck her, were going to vegas.” Ha.
But then again, none of those matter if he did/didn’t.
Well I don’t have a relationship with my dad so it would be stupid for my future husband to ask him for my hand in marriage.
Absolutely. The key to remember here is that you are asking for his blessing, not his permission. You ask for HER permission.
$0.02
I agree with 1 and 5. 2 and 3 are questionable. I fyou ahve to go the bathroom just say so or a simple excuse me will suffice. As for games, letting me win can be cute sometimes but if it’s video games, don’t try that too many times. I like and actually know how to play them so I want a challenge. (even though I’ve taken a long break -_-)
Pulling out my chair is definitley cute and very gentlemanly of him and so is helping me put on my coat. but there are sometimes when that can get annoying. I don’t expect him to know so if I don’t want him to help me I’ll just say so. I don’t want help with that right now. Paying for dinner and not letting me do the tip is also nice but sometimes I would want to help pay too or even pay the whole thing. That’s something that I would want to discuss before we go on the date.
Now, the asking my dad for my hand in marriage thing….Is very cute. I would want him to discuss it with me first. And if he truly wants to, then go ahead. My dad won’t care. He’ll probably like you more for it (seeming that nobody does it anymore) but my dads not a normal dad. He relates more to the younger generation despite him being over 60. But it’s cute ^_^
all these sound stupid to worry about, except for the second one. what fun is a game if someone “lets” you win?
@trunthepaige - I agree completely. If I ask a girl out to dinner, I expect to pay for it. All of it. That is the way of it. I have had girls ask me out before and insist that they pay, also. There is nothing wrong with offering, but there is certainly nothing wrong with one person paying for the meal.
@Gerald_Washington - A few of the guys I know would use their penises to enter pretty much anything, so I’m somehow not surprised. =P
Well considering the dad is the one who is supposed to traditionally dish out the cash for the wedding, its nice to let him know first, maybe not asking if you dont want to, but letting him know might give dad time to prepare! However, its a good idea to make sure its not announced by dad, so that the girl still get the “moment of engagement”, not every girl wants it, I could care less, but thats one things girls always ask each other….”so how did he propose?”
Heck yes!
i wouldn’t marry someone my parents do not approve of. They are reasonable people, if they dont like him then there is good reason why.
all these really do creep me out.
nope, a guy shouldn’t ask my dad for my hand it marriage. Its my hand I’m giving him, not my dads
I just got engaged, and he knew I’d say no if he didn’t ask my dad first.
No, not unless they’re going to then discuss her dowry. It’s an out-dated custom that just doesn’t fit into modern western culture. Men used to court women when (gasp) people lived at court. We don’t anymore.
If I had a guy/girl ask my parents for my hand in marriage, my parents would be perplexed/mildly concerned that I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who stands up more for my parents than for me.
So, if I ask the father for her hand in marriage and he says yes, then I don’t have to ask the daughter? Then I can have the marriage documents completed and signed by witnesses without her knowledge and go straight into consummating the marriage.
Hmm, I wonder what’s the sample this person use to conclude these. I don’t think it’s accurate.
I’m a bit disappointed to see the things on this list- too traditional I guess. I don’t take all these to the extreme but it shows how chivalry is dying. As far as asking her father, I plan to at least get his blessing. Her decision but after being sure he is ok with it.
I would disagree with 4, 6, and… but that’s just me…
I think that the man should ask the woman’s father for his daughter’s hand in marriage. But, I could see how that wouldn’t go over so well with so much divorce and women who don’t know their father, or at least weren’t raised by him.
5. is weird, I don’t think I’d likely offer to carry a woman’s purse. I’m okay with all of the others. Also, code words for using the restroom are kind of odd too.
If I am ever eating with a single woman I will always pay for everything, including the tip. I have a friend who by conviction won’t let herself be seen alone with a man, even at a restaurant, so she brings a sibling along with her, I pay for her and the sibling. I think it’s only the right thing to do.
Call me old fashion, but I’d still like for my future guy to ask my dads permission.
It would depend on the type of dad. If anyone had a problem with that, I’d probably just move on. I don’t want to walk into a life-long family argument.
Uh… what? Those are all okay with me.
mm, top 3 are the weirdest. i’ve thought about that “father hand in marriage bit” – well my father’s mostly out of my life. and my mother … it would be “nice” … i guess? if he did it with his best intentions … but my mom already has far too much control in my life and personally, i dont feel i need her approval first. too much!
Well I worked really hard to gain my girlfriends mother’s approval. She doesn’t have a father so I did all I could to maintain her mom’s support and trust, and still do. We’re too young and too early in our relationship to consider marriage realistically, but my girlfriend’s mom has already claimed me as her son and I couldn’t be happier.
My girlfriend and her mother are very close. Also I do not feel I should ask my significant-other’s permission for marriage because I see my significant-other as an object… I just respect the idea of a family and honestly really do love her mom and call her my own…
hey, if you know the dad likes you, go for it. i think its really sweet to do that actually.
but if you know he hates you… elope. haha
I don’t think so. I mean, you’re marrying the girl not her dad so who cares what he says. And contrary to popular belief, he can’t hate you forever if you didn’t ask, right? lol
No.s 4, 5, 6 & 8 can be considered chivalrous. The rest I question, I guess you have to consider the reasons behind such gestures. For ex. in no.1 it depends on how well you know the girl to be able to order a meal even if you’re doing it out of courtesy otherwise it seems presumptious and domineering.
I’m actually okay with
<li>Ordering my meal for me. (as long as you already know what I want, but if you’re just guessing, that’s rude)<li>Letting me win at a game of Scrabble/pool/bowling when you are clearly better.( you’ll get kisses as long as it’s a rare thing)<li>Using a code term for going to the bathroom .(that’s just funny)<li>Carrying my purse.(my ex did that for me. I didn’t ask or even hint, he just took it and honestly did not want to return it)<li>Asking my dad for my hand in marriage.(I’m a firm believe in that.)<li>If you’re paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip.(that’s not creepy…)<li>Helping me put me coat on. (cute)
haha, no offense to my husband, but he couldn’t win a game of Scrabble if he tried his damnedest >.<
One of my guy-friends said he thinks chivalry is dead because women don’t like it. I personally think that stuff is sweet and shows courtesy and politeness, and I wish a guy would offer, but that’s because neither one of my two boyfriends even tried to offer to do anything like that :(
(Okay maybe my boyfriend carrying my purse would be really weird lol)
A guy asking my father if he can marry me? I’m fairly traditional, so I still like that idea.
A man should definitely ask my dad for my hand in marriage. Actually, not my dad… my grandpa. My grandpa will be the one walking me down the isle, too… so it makes sense.
As for the rest of the list, I disagree with the following:
<li>Pulling out my chair. <li>Carrying my purse. <li>Asking my dad for my hand in marriage. <li>If you’re paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip. <li>Helping me put me coat on.
I proposed to my wife first, but did ask afterward for her Dad’s permission to marry her. He said he thought we were too young, and I then said I was going to marry her anyway, that I had just thought it polite to ask him.
if that father is rich, sure. you don’t want to cut her or yourself out of the inheritance equation. now if they’re not rich, who cares.
helping with a coat is creepy??
It’s no wonder women get treated like shit now-a-days. These are all very gentlemenly things to do and I personally don’t think ANY of them are creepy. I think they are all sweet and romantic. INCLUDING asking my dad for my hand in marriage. My husband actually did, and I thought it was amazing and very respectful.
I can’t believe some of the things on this list.
i’ve always hated it when men hold purses for women. i think it emasculates the man who does it.
@MangoWOW - I think you need some “ol” and “/ol” tags along with those.
I think asking the dad would edge out him killing you later when he finds out about it and him saying “no” isn’t that bad, because I’d ask her anyway (after I get some life insurance or something).
My boyfriend asked my dad before giving me a promise ring and he will ask my dad again before we become engaged. I like it that way, I know my dad approves of my relationship and it keeps him involved to some degree. My boyfriend and I have been together for quite a while, and he has always opened the door for me, he carries things for me (including my purse), he pays for the meal and tip, he helps me with my coat and pulls my chair out for me. He never lets me win at Scrabble because I am clearly better, but I sometimes take pity on him.
I wouldn’t mind if he asked my dad first, but really, it doesn’t make a difference to me. Asking my parents first kinda makes me feel like property, frankly. As for the others, I’m okay with the chair pulling out-ness and helping me put on a coat (I’m extremely uncoordinated), but the others are a little borderline weird nowadays.
Especially the whole “letting me win” thing. That just pisses me off.
4-8 are dumb.
I think that a guy should ask the girl’s parents for her hand in marriage. It’s traditional, but courteous.
I do disagree with some of the things on the list, however.
I like when my boyfriend pulls out my hair, lets me tip [or pay], and helps me put my coat on…letting me win is nice every so often too, but I’m usually better at him at things anyway.
Out of respect, I think it’s important to ask for her parents’ blessing…I mean it shows that you thought about her family just as much as you thought about making the decision to propose, no? and this list is kind of dumb if you ask me…
I asked my lady’s father for her hand in marriage. But I did ask her first.
My husband asked my dad if he would be ok with us getting married.
I’m glad he did. It showed my dad that he respects him.
the hand in marriage thing is just a really cute gesture.
@Straightillin - what i mean is yes. yes they should lol
I always pay for the tip when the guy pays for the meal. Why is it such a bad thing? I feel bad when men spend their money on me.
<li>Ordering my meal for me.
This seems to say that I am incompetent. However, my husband views as a badge of how well he knows me, and so it doesn’t bother me. Besides, we usually are there because I told him I was craving something they have which I really like.
Letting me win at a game of Scrabble/pool/bowling when you are clearly better
. Never faced with this one.
I wouldn’t waste time on a guy who wouldn’t be real.
Using a code term for going to the bathroom
.
Never had a guy do this one.
Pulling out my chair
.
I love it when he does that. It is a sign of respect. A show of affection. Never understood why any woman would be offended by this one.
Carrying my purse
.
Usually guys don’t like to “carry” my purse. I have to ask, but they will when I ask. They don’t want anybody to think it is theirs, I guess.
Asking my dad for my hand in marriage
.
This is showing respect to my family. It is very humbling for a man to do this. Why would anyone be offended?
If you’re paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip
.
Hey, he’s just trying to take care of me. However, any time I offered to pay for the meal or the tip, they’ve always let me, back when I dated.
Helping me put me coat on
.
This again is a show of affection. Why don’t people want to do things for each other any more?
Yes! It’s cute =]
And most of those points are really stupid.
I feel that it depends largely on the age of the woman and also daughter/father relationship. If it’s strong, then I don’t believe it’s creepy to ask. I think it’s very respectful, albeit a touch old fashioned. However if the relationship isn’t that strong, then I don’t know that it’s necessary. I was also 20 when I got proposed to and 21 when I got married, not exactly the average age.
My husband asked my dad for my hand, and he greatly appreciated it as did I. I respect my father and love him dearly. Though I already knew he approved of my now husband Kevin, I think it was good that he was able to have a say in who got to have his little girl.
I disagree with all but two of those, and the two that I semi-agree with, I wouldn’t call creepy–just annoying.
@MomGoneMadd - Best comment!!!
Hmm… I agree with most of these but I do appreciate it when my bf pulls out a chair and helps me with my coat – not if he did it all the time, but if we’re on a romantic date or something then it’s nice. As for the asking Dad for permission to marry me – well, he asked both my parents and they said YES! I thought it was really sweet of him to do it that way…
Really?!?!?! That’s the one thing I would absolutely LOVE to happen.
The rest don’t creep me out exactly, but I guess I agree.
My boyfriend is planning on asking my father for my hand in marriage. I think it’s sweet and old-fashioned.
I also like that he orders my meal for me(though I do pick it out).
He doesn’t pull my chair out, but he always shuts my car door, even when I’m driving.
So what happens when you don’t get married until you’re a senior citizen and your spouse’s parent’s have been dead for years and years? Kinda hard to ask her father for her hand in marriage at that point…
depends on the family I guess
I think my husband asked my mom…..not sure
so many people don’t have dads now adays it’s sad
3& 5 are stupid -__-”
this makes the guys feel like they have to be on their best behaviour and they cant be themselves.
Um I think aside from scrabble and bathroom code, i’m fine with the others, just as long as it’s not in excess.
In my opinion- men should do most of them, or at least a few. If a guy wants to be chivalrous let him be. And hey- if he asks your dad for your hand in marriage – at least your dad wouldn’t be able to claim he didn’t ask!
How are those things creepy? I think all guys should do that.
if the girl loves and respects her father & its gonna be a situation where her parents are paying for the wedding…. then probably yes. I definately agree with the whole not letting the girl even pick up the tip. It’s just courteous. Anything less will leave her wondering if he’s cheap.. the whole door opening chair pulling thing is pretty formal… i’m not into it. more of a laid back chick myself… one who can get her own door… and everything else i need or want… without his help. LMAO holding the purse is ok if i ask him… but if he just likes to do it… now that is weird… ha
2 and 3 are odd. i don’t care if hubby orders for me as long as i tell him what to order. haha.
the rest are totally fine, i see no problem. i think when dad’s are asked for their daughters “hand” it’s more a formality. my hubby did it, and i wouldn’t have said yes if he hadn’t. that way i knew that when i told my parents they wouldn’t say things like “are you sure you’re ready?” or “i don’t think this is a good idea…” (which they wouldn’t have said anyway) but it’s good to give them fair warning. it’s shocking for parents, ya know?
oh. and it sucks that chivalry is dead.
Depends on the girl. But to be honest I think pretty much all of those are sweet (except maybe 1 and 2)…not creepy. Who the heck wrote that list?!
hell yeah dude
@Krissy_Cole - thanks Krissy Cole!
the only one that i agree with is a guy letting me win. i can win for myself, thanks. as to asking the father for permission to marry- that’s just common courtesy as dads tend to have a rather jealous love for their daughters (in a totally non-sexual sense) and want their little princess to have a gentleman. plus it’s a great way to start of inlaw relations on a good foundation. of course there are always exceptions, but as a general rule it’s a good idea.
@firetyger - PINK, lol…
@PreciousOnyx - Very well could be =P
yes. that’s the way it should be. My parents woud totally flip out.. of course they’ll say yes.. and he’d have to tell me first.. but just for the formalities. that’s how my oldest sister’s husband did it. my other sister never got their permission and they were really angry. they still helped pay for the wedding but they were angry that they were not asked for their blessings. My future husband better ask!
Oh gosh… I absolutely want him to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. I wouldn’t marry someone who didn’t do that. I think it’s the respectable thing to do.
As for the other things…
1) I wouldn’t want a guy to do that for me. I can only think of a few situations that would be okay in… like maybe if we were in a foreign country and I didn’t speak the language and he did. But really, I would like to order for myself.
2) Ughhhh… nothing bothers me more than guys letting girls win, ESPECIALLY when it’s obvious that they are amazing at whatever game / sport they’re playing. I want a guy who will bring me a challenge. If he wins, I’ll probably love him even more; I like smart / clever / atheletic guys. If I win, it better be because it was a fair game, not because he let me.
3) What kind of code term? I don’t mind that, I suppose.
4) Pulling out my chair would be nice. Not necessary, but nice. It doesn’t creep me out.
5) PLEASE DO NOT CARRY MY PURSE. Purses are a very personal thing to me.
6) [this has already been addressed]
7) I don’t mind either way.
8) I think that’s cute.
I’m a big fan of chivalry. Opening doors, letting ladies go first, and just plain being a gentleman is very attractive. Guys who don’t treat women with respect drive me nuts.
*shrug* I’m okay with #4 & 6.
I agree the rest of them aren’t as pleasant.
=P
But 4 & 6 are just fine. Why not?
Yes. It’s how it’s supposed to be done. In my case, he would have to ask my mother and brothers.
Well, I don’t agree with your article.
I wouldn’t mind if my man did the following for me:
<li>Ordering my meal for me. <li>Pulling out my chair. <li>Carrying my purse. <li>Asking my dad for my hand in marriage. <li>If you’re paying for dinner, not letting me put in for tip. <li>Helping me put me coat on.
But I’m old-fashioned. I like being treated like a woman. I am woman.
The only one I find truly creepy is number one..
Among those in the list, these doesn’t creep me out:
4. Pulling out my chair. (Only in fancy restaurants)
6. Asking my dad for my hand in marriage
8. Helping me put my coat on. (I think this is sweet, but shouldn’t be done all the time)
Call me “oldfashioned” but I’m perfectly fine with 4,5 and 8. And I would not want my current boyfriend to ask my dad for my hand in marriage the answer would be no for anybody I was dating that isn’t a doctor lol
I make my husband hold my purse for me all the time lol The damn thing is HUGE! I love when he doesnt bitch about it… Yes, a man should ask her dad for her hand – i think thats respectful, but he should ask HER first, then seek approval.
Please. Every person is different and every person’s expectations, likes and dislikes are different. If a person is not okay with something then they should just speak up, they shouldn’t expect every man in the world to change their behavior to accommodate them.
Personally, if a guy knows what I want to eat, then fine he can order for me. I like having my chair pulled out for me. If a man doesn’t want to sound rude (especially at the dinner table) then if he uses a pseudonym that’s okay too. And I’ve always wished someone would ask my dad for my hand in marriage. He’s a great judge of people and I’d like him to help stop me from making a mistake. Oh, and having a man help me put my coat on? I love it. Have you ever seen a 2 year old trying to put their coat on? That’s about the way I do it.
Long story short, don’t believe generalizations.
I’m a little iffy on 1, 2, and 3. But the rest of them are just fine with me. Why would you get upset about having your chair pulled out for you to sit down, or helped to put your coat on? He’s just being nice. When did being nice become a crime?
Eh. If a guy asked my dad, I wouldn’t care, but I don’t think it’s a necessity. But I’m surprised at the first one. What girl doesn’t love when a guy says, “And the beautiful young lady will be having…”?
If a man asked my dad if he could marry me, I wouldn’t be marrying him. It is a completely outdated idea that implies I am my dad’s property! My dad would laugh and my mum and I would be rather disgusted by my boyfriend buying into such an anti-feminist idea.
Personally I wouldn’t want a man to do any of these other things on the list either, if he presumed to order my meal for me I would be borderline insulted. Don’t really understand what is ‘chivalrous’ about presuming I am not capable of choosing what I want to eat, or of talking to the waiter myself!!
Uhhhh, this list is really wrong. These are always things guys do. I don’t have a dad, so they’d have to ask my mom. I’d be more than alright with that, it’s a nice invatation.
Not all women agree with this list. I call it gentlemanly behavior, and I am raising gentlemen.
It’s a nice thing to do. It just shouldn’t mean much (in case of no lol).
Yeah, I just got engaged and my fiance did ask my father for my hand. I would’ve been upset if he hadn’t. That is such a romantic thing to do. Actually, the only thing on that list that would truly creep me out would be the holding the purse thing. And that’s only because men look strange holding purses.
2 4 5 6 7 and 8 are all things I wouldn’t mind.
Asking the dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage seems a bit outdated to me; it harkens back to the days when women were regarded more like property than people.
@mrsjelly - Yup
Asking permission from the dad completely OBJECTIFIES women. It degrades women and brings them back to the time when they are only definied by the man who owns them.
I would be extremely offended and upset if a guy asked my dad for my hand in marriage.
In both cases I asked the mothers… but it wasn’t anything formal… just a casual kinda talk
I am not a mindless commodity to be bought and sold.
Asking my father for my hand in marriage says quite explicitly what you think of my ability to make decisions for and about myself.
That’s up to the girl, I suppose. I would say that asking her father for her hand is a way to honor her father, and that can’t be a bad thing. On the other hand, the idea that a woman needs her father’s permission would insult me. I want my father’s approval, but I don’t need his permission.
I guess it’s all about your motives behind asking him…?
I like chivalry…nothing wrong with 4, 6, 7 and 8.
although I don’t have father:P
Nothing wrong with kissing a girl’s hand when he meets her, either…if he does it properly: stopping two inches above her hand if she’s unmarried.
Why…I do declare that would just charm me out of my knickers!
(I can’t believe i just said that*shakes head*)
1. Ordering my meal – I am capable of doing that, unless we happen to be going through the drive through and he is driving.
2. Scrabble: I WILL win, period. I can shoot a good game of pool. I can bowl a pretty good game too!
3. Who uses terms anyway???
4. By all means, pull out my chair. Attention to details always helps.
5. Why would you want to carry my purse? The chiropractor doesn’t even want ME to carry my purse!
6. My future, not his. Don’t ask. If the girl thinks it is important, then by all means ask.
7. Guys pay for dinner. I cook and/or bake to counter that generous treat.
8. Help with the coat, and the door. Again…attention to details that help a woman feel loved and taken care of.
Men – just know “your woman” and you won’t have any trouble.
I definitely want my Mr. Right to ask my dad. Having my parents involved in a dating and then marriage relationship is very important to me. They have so much more wisdom than I or my Mr. Right will have; why wouldn’t I want them involved? I’ve heard stories from guys about how hard or ackward it is to ask a woman’s father for her hand in marriage. If a guy is willing to go through that, I know that he is serious, my dad knows he’s serious, and that makes him so much more impressive and marraige-able to me because I have so much more respect for him then.
Um, so what’s new?
The people that write this article would have us believe chivalry is dead, or that this article is representative of females in general.
I say who cares?
I’d do all of those things (with the definite exception of holding her purse if she would prefer to carry it).
As for asking the father? I don’t think it’s wrong to do – of course, it depends on his daughter’s situation.
Is she still living at home? Then I’d ask.
Is she in the area, and do I know the family? Again, then, I’d probably ask.
If she’s 500 miles away, and I’ve never met the “old man,” then, I’d probably forgo that formality.
Also, if she’s over a particular age threshold (and that threshold changes, depending on other said criteria), then I’d probably skip popping the question to her father first.
1. this would be okay if my boyfriend and i were at our favorite restaurant and i was gone to the bathroom, since he would probably know what i usually get. otherwise, no.
2. what?! i’m not a pussy, let me win fair and square.
3. lol, as long as it’s not “go potty” i’m indifferent. then again this has never happened to me before.
4. i’m not a retard, i’ll pull out my chair.
5. it’s sweet to ask, but i’d rather carry my own purse.
6. i hope my future fiance asks my dad first, it would be a gesture of respect for him. as long as he realizes it’s my answer that really counts.
7. my boyfriend insists on this. it doesn’t bother me though.
8. aww, that can be swet, especially if it’s a big/heavy coat. as long as he doesn’t actually put it on me and then go as far as to button/zip it, haha.
for the most part, i agree, but there are a few that could be tweaked.
Well, my father is dead, but I think it would’ve been really sweet if he had asked him.
And I don’t mind when a guy just does things for me because, but I don’t want to be treated like porcelain either.
I think it depends on the girl’s relationship with her father. It was important for me that my husband ask my dad, but I know that some of my friends felt like their dad wasn’t involved in raising them and they sure didn’t need permission from him.
The only ones that would annoy me are 1, 2, 5. The others, I think are feminist whining points.
Considering my father has little input to give on how I lead my life anyway, I would hardly consider his opinion on who I marry very important. But if a guy would be willing to ask that man something of that nature, all for my hand, I’d be impressed.
But I don’t think it’s so much about attaining the father’s approval as it is demonstrating respect. I can understand why people would think this is outdated, but personally I think it’s still a decent gesture.
I don’t think I would WANT a guy to do all of these things for me, but I don’t think they’re “weird” or “creepy.”
No, he may not ask my father.
i would want the guy to ask my dad around the same time he asks me
This list is moronic.
@MyJudas - Not necessarily. It’s not like the guy and the dad will discuss, decide, and then force the girl into marriage!! Hopefully the girl and guy would talk about marriage first, then he should go ask her dad. It’s not a “buy and trade” move, it’s simply about respect. Obviously this doesn’t work in all situations where the girl’s father is either not present or doesn’t care…
@ELIZerson - Asking her dad for permission to marry the girl means that the dad owns the girl. Period. That’s where the tradition comes from, that’s what it continues to mean. Ask the girl if she wants to marry you, and THEN worry about what her parents think. It’s 100% her decision and 0% anyone else’s, including her parents’.
If the father is dead, no. If he is alive and he has a solid relationship with his daughter, yes. If the father is dead but the mother is alive and has a solid relationship with the daughter, yes.
It is a respect thing.
Some of those are a little silly, other than that, I dont have a problem with that.
I think it would a sweet thing to do, actually. I mean…it shows respect for her parents too. Unless her dad is like…a super hitler asshole, I don’t see why asking would be a bad thing.
Oh…and I’m fine with my boyfriend 4] Pulling out my chair, 7] Not letting me put in for a tip, and 8] Helping me put a coat on. Those are generally just nice things to do…it would be weird if like…it was some stranger trying to help you with your coat but….other than that…
A) This article does NOT express the views of ALL women.
B) Articles like this are stupid and should be taken with extreme caution as to the validity of the material.
When did helping a woman with her chair or coat become creepy? If that creeps you out ladies, then get over it. That’s just being nice and you should appreciate it.
aw my boyfriend pulled out my chair for me yesterday I think it’s sweet and shows he cares same with the putting on the coat thing I would certainly like that =)
the man of my future is gonna have to ask my dad whether i like it or not. my life is like “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” except you change Greek to Albanian.
and numbers 4, 7, should not be on that list >:( stupid feminists know nothing. 1 is debatable and 8 is just the BEST thing ever.
yay chivalry!!
~GiGi
Ok I think that guys should do all of those things, ESPECIALLY ask the dad for the hand in marraige. Or if you already asked her, you should ask for his blessing.
Not being allowed to put in for a tip doesn’t bother me… Hmmm… Interesting list.
I think the only one I’d feel uncomfortable with is #1. All the others, I expect a man to do, ESPECIALLY #5. Well, actually, #2 is weird, not chivalrous, so let’s knock that off the list too.
I think men should still do those things, except letting someone win (which seems dishonest) unless it is obvious/stated beforehand, and a bathroom code isn’t necessary, but not exactly creepy either. As to asking for your hand…a brother or other male figure could be asked if asking the father is unavailable or undesireable.
if the guy wants to after how many years of being together than go ahead….
I don’t mind a few of those, but the asking the father for one’s hand in marriage is insulting. Women aren’t property. My life is my own and I don’t need my parents permission for anything.
Yes. I actually told our jeweler to make sure to let my soo-to-be finace know that I wanted him to ask my dad first. He asked my dad before asking me. And my mom. And my brother.
Except for ordering my meal for me, I’m okay with the rest of the list.
What’s wrong with helping to put my coat on, holding my chair out, or letting me win in a game or two?
Ordering my meal for me is a no-no. Everything else is acceptable. The hand in marriage thing is a big one for me because you are not jut getting me in a marriage, you are getting the rest of my family, too. I must just be old fashioned that way.
I think the man should at least state his intentions to the father and ask for his blessing. It seems only fair. Until a girl gets married, her father, hopefully, has been the most important man in her life. That’s not always the case, I know, but getting married would be a major change in her life. The father should be involved.
Admittedly, I’m a hardcore believer in chivalry regardless of what anyone says.
yes
Haha I’ve dated a couple girls who had a pet peeve about the pulling out of the chair.
One even responded by then getting out of her chair and attempting to pull mine out for me, but it was a very tall and heavy chair so she had a rather difficult time doing so!
Asking the father is creepy, because it implies it’s between you and the father whether she marries not you and her.
-Alexander the Zounderkite