May 30, 2013
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Would You Marry a Poor Guy?
I was reading a question to Dear Prudence where a woman stated she was pretty. Her main concern was that fiance would probably never make better than a middle-class income. Here is the link: Link
Ladies, would you marry a man that you thought would always be poor?
Comments (63)
I married a man who is intelligent and driven, but who will probably never be rich. He wants to be a professor. And frankly, he’ll be a damn good one.
Well I accepted his proposal when we thought he was going to have to file for bankruptcy so I guess yes.
Depends why he’s poor. If he’s just lazy then no.
My wife married me when I was poor and only made low pay middle management jobs most of my career. She was OK with that.
Yes because I only rely on myself anyway so what does it matter if the person I stay with is poor or not.
I just picture someone, and his situation does not look good. So NO (lolz)
My boyfriend, and presumably future husband thing, is a mechanic. While he has the possibility of making damn good money (80k maybe) or opening his own shop. He will always be a mechanic. It’s what he loves doing, it’s what he’s good at. I’m proud of him, whatever he decides to do. So no, I wouldn’t care living average or slightly below average.
Dirt poor on the other hand, that’s trickier. Money issues is one of the top reasons for relationships ending. Stability and a feeling of economic safety cannot be overrated.
yes but only if he had the potential to become moderately wealthy.
love > money
You would really have to define poor. If it’s just financially but he’s a hard-working individual, I would think that if they “click” then there could be some magic there with her help.
If he is poor because of substance abuse or drinking, while she might think she could marry and, “change him,” unless he’s very young there is a good chance he is already set in his ways and marriage would only aggravate the situation despite her best intentions to remedy it.
Always be careful when you marry someone, look at the big picture. If you can’t see the whole picture, don’t consider marriage until you do.
well, i wouldn’t marry a man so…
I ended my relationship with my first love because he will never be more than a factory worker, purely because he doesn’t have any ambition. Well that was 4 or 5 years ago now and since then half the time he doesn’t have a job, he now has a kid with an 18 year old girl who doesn’t work either. His whole family are the same and will not amount to anything if they even work at all. It’s not so much about money itself but I need someone who strives to do more like I do and with that comes money. I’m not rich by any means, but I earn a comfortable amount and do have potential to earn more money with more experience and learning (I’m 24). So I’m not looking for someone rich but I am looking for someone who wants more out of life than working in a shed and earning 30k a year for the rest of their lives. If that makes me materialistic, well then I am materialistic.
Rich girls don’t marry poor boys, Jay Gatsby.
My fiance is a C.O. not poor by any means but with me as a stay at home mom, we barely get by. He plans on remaining a CO for the retirement, pension and health insurance. He’s still 20 years away from retirement and aside from possibly making sergeant, he’ll never make much more than he does now. I’m okay with that because in five years, I will begin my own career and once I’m employed, we’ll be very comfortable. Comfortable is all I really ever aspired to.
The short answer? yes.
If a woman wants money, she can earn it. This isn’t the Middle Ages anymore. A marriage based on money seems like a cold financial transaction to me. So sad.
If it is a choice between unreformed Ebenezer Scrooge and Bob Cratchit, I would hope that the women I date in the future prefer Cratchit.
It would depend on why.
When we got married, my husband wasn’t making much money at all and he had just joined the military. He didn’t even have a job when we got engaged. We didn’t know if he was going to stay in the military for life or move to the private sector. Either way, I didn’t expect him to ever be rich. We just hoped to be comfortable one day. And we’re pretty much there.
But the answer is yes, I would. Love is more important than money.
I was just looking at a print-out of my workplace’s payscale and became sad when I realized I will never make more than a certain amount.
I kind of already did, lol.
he’d have to be special
I didn’t realize middle class was poor. I would not marry someone who was not financially stable. I require it of myself and I require it of the people I will share my life with.
as far as he able to pay his bills. that would be fine.
@iones_island - WHAT IS THIS!? YOU PROMISED ME YOUR HEART YOU LYING BASTARD
I don’t believe my husband would remain poor married to me!
If he had an amazing personality why not? Money can’t buy a decent conversation
@QuantumStorm - i never promised you a ring though.
Since I intend to have a career of my own, no, I don’t care how much my man makes.
yes
I never gave it any consideration his ambition was to be a firefighter (he made it). I assumed that we would make enough money to be happy ether way. He is a good man I was not worried about money
I married a poor man twice (not the same man but both poor). In my own bohemian way of thinking, it was an incredibly romantic notion to me to live on love alone. Now that I have kids, not so much…luckily my poor man is ambitious and so am I.
My hubby is disabled. One check for less than $700 per month and we struggle sometimes but we are happier together so yes. Absolutely.
Prudence sounds like an old name, and just like the old times relying on the man too much ._. she should live in the now and work as well that way she knows how hard it is to work for her money. Most couples are doing that, work… Then, again, it’s easy to just judge on money it’s easier than working your ass off to make your money.
depends on how you define poor
I am going to miss this.
Poor is one thing and a lazy bum is another.
I married a man that wasn’t rich and probably never will be. He works hard but times are still hard and we live paycheck to paycheck, but I love him always. Money is relative, I believe. You need it but then again, you really don’t.
Let me answer with a song…
@Jenny_Wren - very nice ideal you have:)
Actually I am not going to marry because I am poor. I look out for people poorer than me, but they are hard to find.
Everyone would tell me I would at least need to get plastic surgery, lose weight and give awesome blowjobs if I don’t want to be a REALLY REALLY bad person, if I married someone richer than me. I would have to submit entirely and fulfil his every wish. If he has a house, and I don’t sleep in the garden shed, I am an evil moocher. Probably if the rich guy loves me, he’d make gifts then and when, and if I don’t manage to return every cent, he can make me do what he wants until he thinks it’s ok (according to society.)
I would not be able to enjoy a single drink or pair of cheap new earrings without critical looks and the notion that I actually don’t deserve it, unless we have split bank accounts and I can prove I took the 3€ from mine.
A poor man who has a succesful wife “must have a really good character”, (and why NOT marry a richer woman? We all have a relatively high standard, she probably won’t break a leg buying some more luxuries for both; sharing is love after all.) a poor woman who marries a richer man is “an abusive snake.”
yes, I am usually the one making the most money in the relationship. I’ve never dated someone who made more than I did.
That said, I do expect my other half to work.
In the words of Kanye West, “I ain’t saying she a gold digga, but she ain’t messin wit no broke nigga”
I was in a relationship with a man like that back in high school. And it was one of the happiest relationships I had ever been in. He decided to pursue a ministry major, which meant he’d never be rolling in dough… And I would have stood by him, had he allowed me too. Unfortunately, we parted ways.
For me, I don’t see in terms of money. I see in terms of happiness. I have been poor, as well as middle-class. I don’t mind that stuff so much. What I looked for was someone whom I could be happy with in ALL circumstances. And since Jesus isn’t here to marry, I went with a normal human man.
hehe But yeah. It’s by shear luck that the guy I married has an interest and degree in a well-earning job field. He’s from an upper-middle class family, I’d say. But yeah. Finances are one of the biggest issues for us. So, I’d prefer us to be poor if I thought it’d make us happy. haha 
That’s what matters in my books! Money, not at all. I can do the just getting by scene, so long as I have something worth living for. 
I don’t value money. Haven’t ever. I actually shy away from people with it, because I’ve noticed they tend to view life differently from me and carry more stress. So, yeah. I’m fine with poor and happy. n_n That’s me. 
My husband wishes I made more though. ;D LOL
my friend’s ex-wife makes $73 hourly on the laptop. She has been without a job for six months but last month her pay was $16442 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Read more on this site http://www.rev24.com
I kind of have to be poor to keep my SSI..
If two men are the same in qualities and the only difference is one is poor, then of course I would pick the rich/middle-class man. There are too many variables to just answer the question but if pressed, I would say no to marrying a poor man because raising a family requires money. I certainly don’t want to be on public assistance.
@akarui_mitsukai - you must not have kids. When you have medical bills from birth, from illnesses, etc, you will be forced to care about money. If not, then you will be best friends with collection agencies. Sorry but it’s very easy to get by in life w/o money if you don’t have any dependents.
I married my husband when he worked at burger king making 7.25… we’ve been together 9 years, and have 2 children now and although we don’t go on fancy vacations or drive New cars we are happy with our lives.
I say a financially responsible man is what is important.
Any person (man or woman) who lives beyond their financial means is a disaster waiting to happen in any relationship.
wow Dan you are STILL going at this Xanga thing?
here’s 2 eprops to cheer you up.
The hard part of your question is “…that you thought would always be poor?” I didn’t have it in my mind that my husband would always be poor when we married, but he had been poor up to that point. His family had never owned a vehicle, among other things, due to their poverty. However, I am the Queen of the Unlikely – I was also poor and on the verge of homelessness, and my husband saved me. Nobody would have believed him capable of saving himself, much less supporting a wife and household. But that is what happened, and we are perfect for each other. We are neither rich nor poor as far as money, but feel quite wealthy and fortunate.
Haha, love may be more important than money, but considering financial reasons is the number one reason for divorces, it stands to reason that money is fairly important. I should have waited to marry my husband until he had a a better job because once the fucking starts, the risk of children (obviously) starts. A woman may be able to make her own money, but if daycare is hard to find (like in my area) she is going to be the one staying home and relying on her husband’s money.
Keep in mind though that I am applying this to poor men. Middle-class incomes are not poor no matter how hard the media tries to portray that.
Depends. How poor? Is he motivated? If we’re talking about someone not trying to hold down a job,can’t be bothered to work full time,I don’t like that, it’s lazy. If it’s someone who does a job he loves and works hard but isn’t rich, I completely respect that. I make my own money band work my butt off, i want to marry someone who works hard as well
I did marry a poor man
and we have children and Are broke together. Money although is needed doesn’t really matter all that much.
i would if i were stupid…
well, I did
I already did.
If he looked like Antonio Banderas, hell yes!
Middle class is fine. I don’t need extravagance, just stability. Preferably no (or very little) debt. What a bitch.
Yes, as long as he has a job and is responsible. I just don’t want to marry someone who expects me to work hard and pay for everything while he bums around.
I wouldn’t consider middle-class poor, but I wouldn’t marry someone who couldn’t support a family.
My husband doesn’t make much money now, but he’s getting a Ph.D pretty soon and then he probably will. But that’s not why I married him; I liked him before I knew he was a rocket scientist in the doctorate program.
NO. Life without financial stability is hella stressful. Then try to raise a family with that income? HELL NO. Try saying no to kids everytime they want something which is all the time. It’s depressing! What are you going to do when you retire??? life gets more difficult when your mental and physical capabilities decrease. how is not having any money going to help you manage your later life? Answer to that question For me is, no.